My [25F] MIL [57F] is slowly trying to take over due to her new career pursuit.

Me and my SO [26M] have been together for five years, living together for four. My MIL has always been supported by my SO, and ever since I came along, me as well.

My MIL begged me and my SO to move up by my SIL. She can't afford it by herself, and has too many back problems to work full time anywhere that requires her to lift moderately heavy objects. And since we all have a good relationship, we both agreed.

But recently, she's found this supposed miracle of a job, and has recently been pressuring me to join as well. Child Care Providers. She found out from her granddaughter's fifteen year old friend, which I don't even know how she got into it at her age.

Please note that everything I've listed below is just what I've found out from the paperwork and office about it. I have no experience in the job she wants, and if I get something wrong and it's not as bad, I'd love to know.

I had two concerns right off the bat; this job requires way too much work to get into for what they pay. And her back problems are going to flair up watching up to possibly six children.

In order to get in, the paperwork instructions say she needs to; buy her own copying machine and copy every piece of paper work she does for the job, do background and financial checks for everyone in the house (40$ per person, which we'd have to pay for), a mental, physical, and tb health check (a couple hundred, they say they won't cover it), classes, cpr training, and she'll have to do this every year. Not to mention, she'll have to child proof our entire house. Locks and plugs on everything. Nothing can be left out. The pets me and my SO have, or have wanted to get for ages? "Well, some parents might not be okay with animals around, so no, and you'll have to put the rest of them in cages in seperate rooms during my shifts." These shifts can last anywhere from 7am to 8pm. She can do overnight shifts, supposedly. Not to mention, random people can show up at the house at any point.

At first, I slowly approached her over it, because I knew she was passionate about it. I mentioned how she'd be sinking a ton of money into something not really worth it financially. I also brought up how she was restricting what me and my SO could do in our own home, when we were the ones nice enough to support her to be closer to my SIL (her daughter). She completely brushed me off, and said we didn't need an "animal collection" (which really means a cat and bird we already have owned for a long time, and a dog breed we want with a possible skink...), and how we could suck up child gates and locks.

I don't want to be selfish, and me and my MIL are beginning to argue over it far more often as the move approaches. I personally feel there's other stay at home careers she could do that won't be as draining or chaotic for literally everybody in the house, but she's not budging. And neither of us want to leave her by herself, to fend alone. She suggested getting a double wide and putting it on the property so we'd be able to have seperate buildings without turning our's into a bubble. But she still demands since we're sharing a yard that we don't own any new pets. I still feel like it's an odd sense of control.

What other options do we have? How do we come to a compromise? Do we need to finally give up and leave? Or are we in the wrong?

Tldr: My MIL wants to be a childcare provider, which is going to cost a ton of cash. I keep trying to tell her it won't work, and it's restricting what me and my SO can do, but she refused to budge, demanding we basically suck everything up for her new passion. What can we do from here?

Submitted September 10, 2019 at 11:28PM

Me and my SO [26M] have been together for five years, living together for four. My MIL has always been supported by my SO, and ever since I came along, me as well.My MIL begged me and my SO to move up by my SIL. She can't afford it by herself, and has too many back problems to work full time anywhere that requires her to lift moderately heavy objects. And since we all have a good relationship, we both agreed.But recently, she's found this supposed miracle of a job, and has recently been pressuring me to join as well. Child Care Providers. She found out from her granddaughter's fifteen year old friend, which I don't even know how she got into it at her age.Please note that everything I've listed below is just what I've found out from the paperwork and office about it. I have no experience in the job she wants, and if I get something wrong and it's not as bad, I'd love to know.I had two concerns right off the bat; this job requires way too much work to get into for what they pay. And her back problems are going to flair up watching up to possibly six children.In order to get in, the paperwork instructions say she needs to; buy her own copying machine and copy every piece of paper work she does for the job, do background and financial checks for everyone in the house (40$ per person, which we'd have to pay for), a mental, physical, and tb health check (a couple hundred, they say they won't cover it), classes, cpr training, and she'll have to do this every year. Not to mention, she'll have to child proof our entire house. Locks and plugs on everything. Nothing can be left out. The pets me and my SO have, or have wanted to get for ages? "Well, some parents might not be okay with animals around, so no, and you'll have to put the rest of them in cages in seperate rooms during my shifts." These shifts can last anywhere from 7am to 8pm. She can do overnight shifts, supposedly. Not to mention, random people can show up at the house at any point.At first, I slowly approached her over it, because I knew she was passionate about it. I mentioned how she'd be sinking a ton of money into something not really worth it financially. I also brought up how she was restricting what me and my SO could do in our own home, when we were the ones nice enough to support her to be closer to my SIL (her daughter). She completely brushed me off, and said we didn't need an "animal collection" (which really means a cat and bird we already have owned for a long time, and a dog breed we want with a possible skink...), and how we could suck up child gates and locks.I don't want to be selfish, and me and my MIL are beginning to argue over it far more often as the move approaches. I personally feel there's other stay at home careers she could do that won't be as draining or chaotic for literally everybody in the house, but she's not budging. And neither of us want to leave her by herself, to fend alone. She suggested getting a double wide and putting it on the property so we'd be able to have seperate buildings without turning our's into a bubble. But she still demands since we're sharing a yard that we don't own any new pets. I still feel like it's an odd sense of control.What other options do we have? How do we come to a compromise? Do we need to finally give up and leave? Or are we in the wrong?Tldr: My MIL wants to be a childcare provider, which is going to cost a ton of cash. I keep trying to tell her it won't work, and it's restricting what me and my SO can do, but she refused to budge, demanding we basically suck everything up for her new passion. What can we do from here?