I (35m) lost the girl (27f) of my dreams

I lost an amazing girl because I was too naive and shortsighted

I’m in so much pain right now. I feel like such a fool. I had an amazing girl by my side; loving, supportive, caring, sweet, gorgeous, open minded, great career, and really intelligent. After a year and a half, I broke it off with her because I didn’t know how to deal with her binge drinking. It wasn’t often, but after a year and a half, it took it’s toll on me.

Our relationship was perfect outside of the drinking. We understood each other, we were cut from the same cloth, we connected on so many levels. She was patient with me, she loved me unconditionally in spite of my flaws. I was a bit pushy with our sex life, but she guided me and showed me how to approach the matter in a healthier way. It’s changed my life for the better and even today I see it’s positive effect it’s had on my life. She was kind and understanding all the way through it. It was a dark time for me, but it changed me for the better.

When I broke up with her, I cut her off cold turkey. I became emotionally unavailable. I stopped coming home to avoid being around her. At the time, I was very upset with her. She had lied to me about her drinking habits and I caught her in the act. This is after I gave her an ultimatum that she had to quit. She had a night that she went way overboard and missed a whole day of work. Unusual for her, but it has happened before. I was fed up and desperate to find a way to make our relationship work, so I made her promise she was done drinking. If I found her drinking again, I told her I was done. I don’t like ultimatums, I don’t think they work, but what other option did I have?

She drank again and tried to hide it from me, she said it was the second time she drank without me knowing. Still desperate to make it work with her, I gave her another chance. Though I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. She was lying to me again. A few weeks later, we got into a fight and I lost it. I ended it on the spot. I felt trapped and that there was nothing I could to help her or this relationship. It made perfect sense at the time. It felt right. For the next few months, I was happier, sleeping better, and working on myself again.

She on the other hand, did not take it so well. She was distraught and in disbelief that I could just end us so quickly. I didn’t think so, I gave her a lot of chances. She begged and pleaded to get back with me, but I was sticking to my guns. I was being strong and trying to move on. I ignored her for the most part. Eventually she moved out and our contact was minimal text messaging.

Well this past weekend, a few months after we broke up, something triggered within me and I realized I still loved this girl. I realized I don’t want to be with any other girl. I want her.

I started doing research about caring and loving for addicts. I learned that you can help them and love them through their disease. Her’s wasn’t even that bad. It was only occasional. I grew up in a family with a few top tier drug addicts, we learned you have to cut them off so they can get better. We did it to people close to us numerous times. All the patterns seemed the same to me. But she was different, she was trying to get better for me. She was dedicated to me and our love. She was getting better and improving. But I guess it wasn’t going fast enough for me. I grew impatient and acted rationally.

The last few days I’ve been acting desperately trying to reach out to her, begging her to take me back. I miss her affection. The way she used to adore me. I miss laughing with her. I miss it all. She’s been kind and heard me out, but she tells me she could never be with me again. No matter what I say or do, she doesn’t think she could get back together with me. I’ve showed her that I’ve changed, I think she knows, but it doesn’t matter to her anymore. I’m just her ex now.

My heart is broken. I don’t know what to do. She’s stopped retuning my calls and texts.

I know it’s done, but I don’t want to stop trying. I have to try, I feel this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. I’ve changed and I’ve learned a lot about how I can love her through her flaws and shortcomings. I’m different now. But she can’t see it. She doesn’t want to see it. Maybe she’s seeing somebody else already, it would make sense.

I’m at a loss as to what I should do. I’m deeply depressed and I don’t see a way out.

Tl;dr : I broke up with my gf because I didn’t know how to deal with her problems, 3 months later after not feeling much for her, I want her back. She’s moved on now and doesn’t think we’d ever get back together.

Submitted August 05, 2019 at 12:03AM

I lost an amazing girl because I was too naive and shortsightedI’m in so much pain right now. I feel like such a fool. I had an amazing girl by my side; loving, supportive, caring, sweet, gorgeous, open minded, great career, and really intelligent. After a year and a half, I broke it off with her because I didn’t know how to deal with her binge drinking. It wasn’t often, but after a year and a half, it took it’s toll on me.Our relationship was perfect outside of the drinking. We understood each other, we were cut from the same cloth, we connected on so many levels. She was patient with me, she loved me unconditionally in spite of my flaws. I was a bit pushy with our sex life, but she guided me and showed me how to approach the matter in a healthier way. It’s changed my life for the better and even today I see it’s positive effect it’s had on my life. She was kind and understanding all the way through it. It was a dark time for me, but it changed me for the better.When I broke up with her, I cut her off cold turkey. I became emotionally unavailable. I stopped coming home to avoid being around her. At the time, I was very upset with her. She had lied to me about her drinking habits and I caught her in the act. This is after I gave her an ultimatum that she had to quit. She had a night that she went way overboard and missed a whole day of work. Unusual for her, but it has happened before. I was fed up and desperate to find a way to make our relationship work, so I made her promise she was done drinking. If I found her drinking again, I told her I was done. I don’t like ultimatums, I don’t think they work, but what other option did I have?She drank again and tried to hide it from me, she said it was the second time she drank without me knowing. Still desperate to make it work with her, I gave her another chance. Though I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. She was lying to me again. A few weeks later, we got into a fight and I lost it. I ended it on the spot. I felt trapped and that there was nothing I could to help her or this relationship. It made perfect sense at the time. It felt right. For the next few months, I was happier, sleeping better, and working on myself again.She on the other hand, did not take it so well. She was distraught and in disbelief that I could just end us so quickly. I didn’t think so, I gave her a lot of chances. She begged and pleaded to get back with me, but I was sticking to my guns. I was being strong and trying to move on. I ignored her for the most part. Eventually she moved out and our contact was minimal text messaging.Well this past weekend, a few months after we broke up, something triggered within me and I realized I still loved this girl. I realized I don’t want to be with any other girl. I want her.I started doing research about caring and loving for addicts. I learned that you can help them and love them through their disease. Her’s wasn’t even that bad. It was only occasional. I grew up in a family with a few top tier drug addicts, we learned you have to cut them off so they can get better. We did it to people close to us numerous times. All the patterns seemed the same to me. But she was different, she was trying to get better for me. She was dedicated to me and our love. She was getting better and improving. But I guess it wasn’t going fast enough for me. I grew impatient and acted rationally.The last few days I’ve been acting desperately trying to reach out to her, begging her to take me back. I miss her affection. The way she used to adore me. I miss laughing with her. I miss it all. She’s been kind and heard me out, but she tells me she could never be with me again. No matter what I say or do, she doesn’t think she could get back together with me. I’ve showed her that I’ve changed, I think she knows, but it doesn’t matter to her anymore. I’m just her ex now.My heart is broken. I don’t know what to do. She’s stopped retuning my calls and texts.I know it’s done, but I don’t want to stop trying. I have to try, I feel this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. I’ve changed and I’ve learned a lot about how I can love her through her flaws and shortcomings. I’m different now. But she can’t see it. She doesn’t want to see it. Maybe she’s seeing somebody else already, it would make sense.I’m at a loss as to what I should do. I’m deeply depressed and I don’t see a way out.Tl;dr : I broke up with my gf because I didn’t know how to deal with her problems, 3 months later after not feeling much for her, I want her back. She’s moved on now and doesn’t think we’d ever get back together.