My boyfriend (28m) seems to think I'm lazy (24f) since my job is less crazy demanding than his

I have a pretty cushy job in tech research &prototyping, I'll be the first to admit that.

I work 35 hours a week, no more, and have total freedom to set my hours, as long as I am there for my meetings, and get my work done.

I get full-time benefits and healthcare despite that. I get paid well too. I've paid off my student loans and have set aside a pretty good amount of money to start my retirement fund. And I've got enough income on top of that to have some fun too.

I enjoy the work I do, it's really interesting and cutting edge. And I get along well with my coworkers, we go out bar hopping once or twice a month. My boss is great, he's really supportive of everyone's personal development, and helping everyone who works for him get involved in projects that fit their interests and help them develop skills they want to learn.

Despite all that, it's still a job, it takes work and commitment and motivation. I don't see myself as a slacker. I worked really hard at school, and at previous crappy jobs, to get where I am now.

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My boyfriend Alex also works in tech, he's working at a gaming company as a programmer. And even though he's doing what he always dreamed of doing, he's not enjoying his day-to-day work as much.

He works a lot longer hours, his company's management does not seem good at realistic time management so his team is always working insane hours before big deadlines, rather than being prepared more in advance. He also has a lot more coworker drama, some of the people he works with come off as very immature. He doesn't have flexible hours, and it doesn't seem like he finds as much fulfillment in his daily work.

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It feels like he's starting to resent me for this. Or think I'm a slacker and lazy because of how our jobs differ. Or something like that.

I'll give a couple snippets of this, to give you an idea....

• A few weeks ago, he had a deadline coming up, and he and his coworker were pulling an all nighter on Thursday to get ready. I happened to be a little sick at the time, and I decided to work from home on Friday so I could cuddle up in bed and be more comfortable. I was sitting around catching up on some easy documentation when Alex came home from the all nighter, and he made a snippy comment about me skipping work. I said I was working, just from home. And he said something rude about how I must be working really hard, still being in bed at 11 am.

• I have invited Alex along for a few happy hours with my work friends, and he's always bragged about how little he's sleeping, how crazy long he's working... Like a lot of guys in tech seem to do. But my coworkers were all just like "dude, that's crazy, get some sleep" because they're really not the type to brag about that sort of thing. It's awkward.

• Alex keeps saying stuff about how I could use alllll the time I've got after work to pick up some contract work for extra money. And while he's right I could make a lot like that, I honestly don't want to deal with finding customers, negotiating contracts, making sure I get paid, and having all that cut into my own time. And he's called me lazy for that...

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Overall I feel like he's bought into this whole... Suffer for your career... Sleep little... Work like a maniac... Thing. And I think he feels like I'm lazy for not doing the same. But I also sometimes feel like he resents me, for the amount of free time and flexibility I have. It's complicated.

What should I do to keep this from being a constant issue?

TLDR - I have a job that gives me a very very good work-life balance. My boyfriend has a much more demanding job. He seems to be having some complicated feelings about it

Submitted July 12, 2019 at 10:12PM

I have a pretty cushy job in tech research &prototyping, I'll be the first to admit that.I work 35 hours a week, no more, and have total freedom to set my hours, as long as I am there for my meetings, and get my work done.I get full-time benefits and healthcare despite that. I get paid well too. I've paid off my student loans and have set aside a pretty good amount of money to start my retirement fund. And I've got enough income on top of that to have some fun too.I enjoy the work I do, it's really interesting and cutting edge. And I get along well with my coworkers, we go out bar hopping once or twice a month. My boss is great, he's really supportive of everyone's personal development, and helping everyone who works for him get involved in projects that fit their interests and help them develop skills they want to learn.Despite all that, it's still a job, it takes work and commitment and motivation. I don't see myself as a slacker. I worked really hard at school, and at previous crappy jobs, to get where I am now.My boyfriend Alex also works in tech, he's working at a gaming company as a programmer. And even though he's doing what he always dreamed of doing, he's not enjoying his day-to-day work as much.He works a lot longer hours, his company's management does not seem good at realistic time management so his team is always working insane hours before big deadlines, rather than being prepared more in advance. He also has a lot more coworker drama, some of the people he works with come off as very immature. He doesn't have flexible hours, and it doesn't seem like he finds as much fulfillment in his daily work.It feels like he's starting to resent me for this. Or think I'm a slacker and lazy because of how our jobs differ. Or something like that.I'll give a couple snippets of this, to give you an idea....A few weeks ago, he had a deadline coming up, and he and his coworker were pulling an all nighter on Thursday to get ready. I happened to be a little sick at the time, and I decided to work from home on Friday so I could cuddle up in bed and be more comfortable. I was sitting around catching up on some easy documentation when Alex came home from the all nighter, and he made a snippy comment about me skipping work. I said I was working, just from home. And he said something rude about how I must be working really hard, still being in bed at 11 am.I have invited Alex along for a few happy hours with my work friends, and he's always bragged about how little he's sleeping, how crazy long he's working... Like a lot of guys in tech seem to do. But my coworkers were all just like "dude, that's crazy, get some sleep" because they're really not the type to brag about that sort of thing. It's awkward.Alex keeps saying stuff about how I could use alllll the time I've got after work to pick up some contract work for extra money. And while he's right I could make a lot like that, I honestly don't want to deal with finding customers, negotiating contracts, making sure I get paid, and having all that cut into my own time. And he's called me lazy for that...Overall I feel like he's bought into this whole... Suffer for your career... Sleep little... Work like a maniac... Thing. And I think he feels like I'm lazy for not doing the same. But I also sometimes feel like he resents me, for the amount of free time and flexibility I have. It's complicated.What should I do to keep this from being a constant issue?TLDR - I have a job that gives me a very very good work-life balance. My boyfriend has a much more demanding job. He seems to be having some complicated feelings about it