I (26M) am in an odd not-so-casual relationship(?) with my partner (29F) and I'm having anxiety about cutting it off

Been seeing each other since March, and things started as just casual, but grew to be a bit more than that. Not a "relationship" as far as having a title goes, but we both expressed that there was interest more than just physically pretty early on. We have a pretty odd dynamic where we only talk and see each other every week or every other week, and that works fine for us. That's not the problem.

When we spend time together, things are great all around! We mesh well together in a lot of ways, But I feel that I am not getting the romantic attachment that I need and want from a relationship. I don't get the impetus to be talking regularly, and that doesn't sit very well with me. All in all things are fine but only just.

As far as I gather, most all the other partners shes had have been pretty toxic or abusive, and she's very vocal about this being the most positive and wholesome relationship she's ever had. I actively try to be a good partner and to not be a dick, but I don't feel in this circumstance that I deserve that kind of praise, and feel like that's more indicative of her past experiences than of me.
Additionally, she's moving out of state soon, but is planning on commuting some hours to come back on the weekends. I really don't want to weigh her down or waste her time, and in the past she's spent astronomical amounts of money to maintain dead-end long distance relationships. I really really don't want to put her back in that kind of position.

Since I'm not really getting what I want or need emotionally, I'm wanting to start dating and seeing new people again and would like to cut things off, but I have big huge anxiety about hurting people—especially people that I care about. She is still a good person and a good friend regardless of whether I have strong romantic feelings.

​

tl;dr
Started seeing someone more on the casual side a few months back and it escalated. She's way more attached to the situation as a whole than I am because her previous partners have been actively shitty. I'm not getting my emotional/romantic needs met even though things are passably okay, and want to start seeing other people. Would like encouragement to break up, or any words of wisdom / kvetching / etc etc



Submitted July 12, 2019 at 10:39PM

Been seeing each other since March, and things started as just casual, but grew to be a bit more than that. Not a "relationship" as far as having a title goes, but we both expressed that there was interest more than just physically pretty early on. We have a pretty odd dynamic where we only talk and see each other every week or every other week, and that works fine for us. That's not the problem.When we spend time together, things are great all around! We mesh well together in a lot of ways, But I feel that I am not getting the romantic attachment that I need and want from a relationship. I don't get the impetus to be talking regularly, and that doesn't sit very well with me. All in all things are fine but only just.As far as I gather, most all the other partners shes had have been pretty toxic or abusive, and she's very vocal about this being the most positive and wholesome relationship she's ever had. I actively try to be a good partner and to not be a dick, but I don't feel in this circumstance that I deserve that kind of praise, and feel like that's more indicative of her past experiences than of me.Additionally, she's moving out of state soon, but is planning on commuting some hours to come back on the weekends. I really don't want to weigh her down or waste her time, and in the past she's spent astronomical amounts of money to maintain dead-end long distance relationships. I really really don't want to put her back in that kind of position.Since I'm not really getting what I want or need emotionally, I'm wanting to start dating and seeing new people again and would like to cut things off, but I have big huge anxiety about hurting people—especially people that I care about. She is still a good person and a good friend regardless of whether I have strong romantic feelings.​tl;drStarted seeing someone more on the casual side a few months back and it escalated. She's way more attached to the situation as a whole than I am because her previous partners have been actively shitty. I'm not getting my emotional/romantic needs met even though things are passably okay, and want to start seeing other people. Would like encouragement to break up, or any words of wisdom / kvetching / etc etc
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