My bf[22M] is sure about wanting kids, and I'm[22F] deeply conflicted

Hi all, I need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and it is wonderful. I've never been so happy in a relationship before, and I love him a lot.

Everything is great except for one problem, the question of kids. We both made it clear to each other we can see our relationship going a long way, and he established that he most definitely wants kids in the far future, and not having them would be a deal breaker. I appreciate his honesty, but I am conflicted. On one hand, I have no experience with children whatsoever.

I didn't grow up around them, never showed interest in them before, it just wasn't a thing. I have no concept of what it's like to have kids and I didn't think about it at all. I said really don't know if I want kids or not, and he said in a polite way that he would have to end the relationship if I didn't want them, as it would only get more painful as we went into the relationship. I agree with him, I don't want to put either of us thru a lot of pain for no reason.

I'm a expert fence sitter, in a lot of areas in life unfortunately. Having bad anxiety doesn't help either.I've been wrestling with this for a while now, one moment I don't think I'm cut out for it, and the next day I really do want them. I've been reading some /r/parenting posts, and I don't know how to feel. I just don't know if I could give up my life as I know it and fully dedicate it to a kid.

That being said, everything else is wonderful. I am happy, and his friends tell me they have never seen a more confident and content version of him. I really hate having to throw a awesome relationship away on a maybe, What do you guys think?

TL;DR: love my boyfriend but am hung up on having possible kids



Submitted July 12, 2019 at 10:43PM

Hi all, I need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and it is wonderful. I've never been so happy in a relationship before, and I love him a lot.Everything is great except for one problem, the question of kids. We both made it clear to each other we can see our relationship going a long way, and he established that he most definitely wants kids in the far future, and not having them would be a deal breaker. I appreciate his honesty, but I am conflicted. On one hand, I have no experience with children whatsoever.I didn't grow up around them, never showed interest in them before, it just wasn't a thing. I have no concept of what it's like to have kids and I didn't think about it at all. I said really don't know if I want kids or not, and he said in a polite way that he would have to end the relationship if I didn't want them, as it would only get more painful as we went into the relationship. I agree with him, I don't want to put either of us thru a lot of pain for no reason.I'm a expert fence sitter, in a lot of areas in life unfortunately. Having bad anxiety doesn't help either.I've been wrestling with this for a while now, one moment I don't think I'm cut out for it, and the next day I really do want them. I've been reading some /r/parenting posts, and I don't know how to feel. I just don't know if I could give up my life as I know it and fully dedicate it to a kid.That being said, everything else is wonderful. I am happy, and his friends tell me they have never seen a more confident and content version of him. I really hate having to throw a awesome relationship away on a maybe, What do you guys think?TL;DR: love my boyfriend but am hung up on having possible kids
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