My [27/F] Husband [26/M] got me a gift for our anniversary that I specifically asked him not to get me, and I don't know how to feel about it.

X-Posting from /r/relationships advice

Hi all.

This probably sounds petty, but it's bothering me and I don't really know what to do.

For our anniversary I searched for a lovely gift for my husband, something I absolutely knew he'd love and enjoy without question. I took the specifics he gave me, applied them to my searches, and found something that I knew he'd love.

My husband asked me for specifics on what he could get me; I gave him some ideas and specifically said I did not want anything heart shaped as I had a lot of that jewelry already. I even wrote it down in a document for him (basically wants and don't wants) per his asking.

Well, I open the gift he got me and...it's a necklace with a heart-shaped pendant. I basically just grinned and bore it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He said something like "Yeah it's silver, I saw you wanted something silver in your list with that color gem?" Which is true. But. I stated many many times that I did not want something heart shaped and it's just like? I don't think he did this maliciously, but it just feels like he didn't put as much thought into this as much as I did and it hurts a little. When it comes to him giving gifts he can be kind of hit-or-miss in that he'll get me something I really want but then he'll just get other stuff that I don't want/need. For instance, I love to draw and for my birthday he got me this lovely set of drawing pencils that I really wanted--but then got me these random pairs of pajamas from Walmart that didn't even fit me right? I just don't get it.

I want to talk to him about this but I really don't know how to go about it without seeming like an ungrateful asshole. I'd honestly just prefer him to return it because I don't think I'll actually ever wear it, and it's just...frustrating, at best. But I feel guilty because I want to want it and I want to appreciate it but I just...don't.

Can anyone give me advice on how to communicate with him? I'm planning on holding off for a few days to sort out my feelings but that's as far as I am right now.

tl;dr: Husband gets me a gift for our anniversary that I specifically asked him not to get. Don't know if he's oblivious or what, but I do think he's oblivious. Kind of hurt, don't know how to communicate this to him.



Submitted July 29, 2019 at 12:11AM

X-Posting from /r/relationships adviceHi all.This probably sounds petty, but it's bothering me and I don't really know what to do.For our anniversary I searched for a lovely gift for my husband, something I absolutely knew he'd love and enjoy without question. I took the specifics he gave me, applied them to my searches, and found something that I knew he'd love.My husband asked me for specifics on what he could get me; I gave him some ideas and specifically said I did not want anything heart shaped as I had a lot of that jewelry already. I even wrote it down in a document for him (basically wants and don't wants) per his asking.Well, I open the gift he got me and...it's a necklace with a heart-shaped pendant. I basically just grinned and bore it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He said something like "Yeah it's silver, I saw you wanted something silver in your list with that color gem?" Which is true. But. I stated many many times that I did not want something heart shaped and it's just like? I don't think he did this maliciously, but it just feels like he didn't put as much thought into this as much as I did and it hurts a little. When it comes to him giving gifts he can be kind of hit-or-miss in that he'll get me something I really want but then he'll just get other stuff that I don't want/need. For instance, I love to draw and for my birthday he got me this lovely set of drawing pencils that I really wanted--but then got me these random pairs of pajamas from Walmart that didn't even fit me right? I just don't get it.I want to talk to him about this but I really don't know how to go about it without seeming like an ungrateful asshole. I'd honestly just prefer him to return it because I don't think I'll actually ever wear it, and it's just...frustrating, at best. But I feel guilty because I want to want it and I want to appreciate it but I just...don't.Can anyone give me advice on how to communicate with him? I'm planning on holding off for a few days to sort out my feelings but that's as far as I am right now.tl;dr: Husband gets me a gift for our anniversary that I specifically asked him not to get. Don't know if he's oblivious or what, but I do think he's oblivious. Kind of hurt, don't know how to communicate this to him.
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