Am I (36/f) being a fool for hanging on with him (34/m)?

I started dating this guy last month - we dated for a few months about a decade ago, he ended it by slowly paying less attention to me until I had to confront him, we reconnected last year after he fully apologised for how he treat me and I know he's changed (but the past is relevant now).

The problem is that he doesn't maintain much contact, we're seeing each other around once a week but he barely talks via PM between then. Last week he went all weekend without contact and this weekend has been the same, last week he apologized but explained it's just due to work (he works multiple jobs all in bars) days merge.

This is just how he is...but it's not great, I like a lot of contact and I don't think it's too much to expect the odd 'hows your day going?'.

I get mixed messages too, sometimes he really makes an effort to see me and he's very affectionate, he's also stressed things will be better once he moves as rent is cheaper so he'll work less/have more free time. But there are times like our last date, where I walked with him to work but he took me out of sight of colleagues to kiss me goodbye and it wasn't a big kiss.

I've given him plenty of opportunity to bow out if he's no longer interested, I've asked him outright if he still wants to date and he firmly says yes.

I don't see a relationship with him long-term, I'm approaching this as casual dating - I've no friends locally and no one romantically interested, so it's nice spending time with someone I'm fond of. But I'm getting anxious about not knowing what he wants or of he really likes me, I know he's not just using me for sex but I don't know what is going on...and I've tried talking to him but get nowhere, I can't keep asking him what we are so early on.

I don't want to be made a fool of by sticking around with someone who may tomorrow turn around and tell me he's not interested any more.

TL;DR : Guy I'm dating doesn't keep in contact and I'm confused about what he wants, I feel I can't try asking him again and I'm struggling to just 'chill' about dating as I don't want to be made a fool of by continuing to date someone who may not really be interested.



Submitted July 29, 2019 at 12:08AM

I started dating this guy last month - we dated for a few months about a decade ago, he ended it by slowly paying less attention to me until I had to confront him, we reconnected last year after he fully apologised for how he treat me and I know he's changed (but the past is relevant now).The problem is that he doesn't maintain much contact, we're seeing each other around once a week but he barely talks via PM between then. Last week he went all weekend without contact and this weekend has been the same, last week he apologized but explained it's just due to work (he works multiple jobs all in bars) days merge.This is just how he is...but it's not great, I like a lot of contact and I don't think it's too much to expect the odd 'hows your day going?'.I get mixed messages too, sometimes he really makes an effort to see me and he's very affectionate, he's also stressed things will be better once he moves as rent is cheaper so he'll work less/have more free time. But there are times like our last date, where I walked with him to work but he took me out of sight of colleagues to kiss me goodbye and it wasn't a big kiss.I've given him plenty of opportunity to bow out if he's no longer interested, I've asked him outright if he still wants to date and he firmly says yes.I don't see a relationship with him long-term, I'm approaching this as casual dating - I've no friends locally and no one romantically interested, so it's nice spending time with someone I'm fond of. But I'm getting anxious about not knowing what he wants or of he really likes me, I know he's not just using me for sex but I don't know what is going on...and I've tried talking to him but get nowhere, I can't keep asking him what we are so early on.I don't want to be made a fool of by sticking around with someone who may tomorrow turn around and tell me he's not interested any more.TL;DR : Guy I'm dating doesn't keep in contact and I'm confused about what he wants, I feel I can't try asking him again and I'm struggling to just 'chill' about dating as I don't want to be made a fool of by continuing to date someone who may not really be interested.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more