Am I (36/f) being a fool for hanging on with him (34/m)?

I started dating this guy last month - we dated for a few months about a decade ago, he ended it by slowly paying less attention to me until I had to confront him, we reconnected last year after he fully apologised for how he treat me and I know he's changed (but the past is relevant now).

The problem is that he doesn't maintain much contact, we're seeing each other around once a week but he barely talks via PM between then. Last week he went all weekend without contact and this weekend has been the same, last week he apologized but explained it's just due to work (he works multiple jobs all in bars) days merge.

This is just how he is...but it's not great, I like a lot of contact and I don't think it's too much to expect the odd 'hows your day going?'.

I get mixed messages too, sometimes he really makes an effort to see me and he's very affectionate, he's also stressed things will be better once he moves as rent is cheaper so he'll work less/have more free time. But there are times like our last date, where I walked with him to work but he took me out of sight of colleagues to kiss me goodbye and it wasn't a big kiss.

I've given him plenty of opportunity to bow out if he's no longer interested, I've asked him outright if he still wants to date and he firmly says yes.

I don't see a relationship with him long-term, I'm approaching this as casual dating - I've no friends locally and no one romantically interested, so it's nice spending time with someone I'm fond of. But I'm getting anxious about not knowing what he wants or of he really likes me, I know he's not just using me for sex but I don't know what is going on...and I've tried talking to him but get nowhere, I can't keep asking him what we are so early on.

I don't want to be made a fool of by sticking around with someone who may tomorrow turn around and tell me he's not interested any more.

TL;DR : Guy I'm dating doesn't keep in contact and I'm confused about what he wants, I feel I can't try asking him again and I'm struggling to just 'chill' about dating as I don't want to be made a fool of by continuing to date someone who may not really be interested.



Submitted July 29, 2019 at 12:08AM

I started dating this guy last month - we dated for a few months about a decade ago, he ended it by slowly paying less attention to me until I had to confront him, we reconnected last year after he fully apologised for how he treat me and I know he's changed (but the past is relevant now).The problem is that he doesn't maintain much contact, we're seeing each other around once a week but he barely talks via PM between then. Last week he went all weekend without contact and this weekend has been the same, last week he apologized but explained it's just due to work (he works multiple jobs all in bars) days merge.This is just how he is...but it's not great, I like a lot of contact and I don't think it's too much to expect the odd 'hows your day going?'.I get mixed messages too, sometimes he really makes an effort to see me and he's very affectionate, he's also stressed things will be better once he moves as rent is cheaper so he'll work less/have more free time. But there are times like our last date, where I walked with him to work but he took me out of sight of colleagues to kiss me goodbye and it wasn't a big kiss.I've given him plenty of opportunity to bow out if he's no longer interested, I've asked him outright if he still wants to date and he firmly says yes.I don't see a relationship with him long-term, I'm approaching this as casual dating - I've no friends locally and no one romantically interested, so it's nice spending time with someone I'm fond of. But I'm getting anxious about not knowing what he wants or of he really likes me, I know he's not just using me for sex but I don't know what is going on...and I've tried talking to him but get nowhere, I can't keep asking him what we are so early on.I don't want to be made a fool of by sticking around with someone who may tomorrow turn around and tell me he's not interested any more.TL;DR : Guy I'm dating doesn't keep in contact and I'm confused about what he wants, I feel I can't try asking him again and I'm struggling to just 'chill' about dating as I don't want to be made a fool of by continuing to date someone who may not really be interested.
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