Why doesn't my boyfriend (24M) want me (23F) to spend the night at his place?

We've been together for 3.5 years and have had our ups and downs. When we first were dating I used to spend the night at his house four or five times a week. After I switched jobs (became a teacher) I started staying only one or two nights on weekends. Last August he got a different job and started going in at 4am, and I only really stayed one night at his house per week.

Recently I started staying even less than that because I need to be home at night to take of things around my own place. I live with other people and my boyfriend does not usually come over unless it's a holiday or some kind of other special occasion. I go to his house almost every night of the week from about seven until ten thirty or twelve.

He never brings this up. He doesn't invite me to stay the might or say how he misses me spending the night. When I've asked about spending the night his response is always that he doesn't care if I stay, or that it doesn't matter if I stay. It kind of makes me feel like he doesn't want me to stay over, and so I never do even though I would like to stay over occasionally. I've told him how I feel and he has no real response, just reiterates that he doesn't care if I stay over.

Anyways, on to today...

We have plans to hang out tomorrow early in the morning and I asked if I should spend the night so we could leave from his place. Immediately his response is that he doesn't care if I stay but he has to work out. He even mentioned he was thinking I could leave his house earlier tonight because of this.

He kept repeating that he really didn't care if I stayed or not, but I decided I didn't really feel comfortable. I tried to explain to him I feel uncomfortable staying over when he seems indifferent or as if he doesn't want me to stay. He seems content to just leave it at that, and didn't try to reassure me that he wants me to stay. He just said I shouldn't stay over because it was going to cause us to fight.

I feel really let down and unappreciated. I really liked it when we spent some nights together and would like to do it again every now and then, but I feel like he doesn't want me there and I have no idea why he feels like this.

Is there a reason he wouldn't want me to stay over? Should I be concerned that he's so indifferent about it? Does it mean he doesn't want me there? How do I broach this topic in a way he understands?

tl;dr. Used to spend the night at my boyfriend's house a lot. Now he "doesn't care" whether or not I stay and never asks me to/seems like he doesn't want me to. I wish I knew why he doesn't want me to stay and how to fix it.

Submitted June 25, 2019 at 11:43PM

We've been together for 3.5 years and have had our ups and downs. When we first were dating I used to spend the night at his house four or five times a week. After I switched jobs (became a teacher) I started staying only one or two nights on weekends. Last August he got a different job and started going in at 4am, and I only really stayed one night at his house per week.Recently I started staying even less than that because I need to be home at night to take of things around my own place. I live with other people and my boyfriend does not usually come over unless it's a holiday or some kind of other special occasion. I go to his house almost every night of the week from about seven until ten thirty or twelve.He never brings this up. He doesn't invite me to stay the might or say how he misses me spending the night. When I've asked about spending the night his response is always that he doesn't care if I stay, or that it doesn't matter if I stay. It kind of makes me feel like he doesn't want me to stay over, and so I never do even though I would like to stay over occasionally. I've told him how I feel and he has no real response, just reiterates that he doesn't care if I stay over.Anyways, on to today...We have plans to hang out tomorrow early in the morning and I asked if I should spend the night so we could leave from his place. Immediately his response is that he doesn't care if I stay but he has to work out. He even mentioned he was thinking I could leave his house earlier tonight because of this.He kept repeating that he really didn't care if I stayed or not, but I decided I didn't really feel comfortable. I tried to explain to him I feel uncomfortable staying over when he seems indifferent or as if he doesn't want me to stay. He seems content to just leave it at that, and didn't try to reassure me that he wants me to stay. He just said I shouldn't stay over because it was going to cause us to fight.I feel really let down and unappreciated. I really liked it when we spent some nights together and would like to do it again every now and then, but I feel like he doesn't want me there and I have no idea why he feels like this.Is there a reason he wouldn't want me to stay over? Should I be concerned that he's so indifferent about it? Does it mean he doesn't want me there? How do I broach this topic in a way he understands?tl;dr. Used to spend the night at my boyfriend's house a lot. Now he "doesn't care" whether or not I stay and never asks me to/seems like he doesn't want me to. I wish I knew why he doesn't want me to stay and how to fix it.