I (28 F) think that the guy I’m dating (31 M) is not over his previous ex (26 F)

Hi, i’m new here so forgive me if the post seems a bit rough!

I work as a consultant to various other companies and one of those hired two seniors from another country in January. I work more with one but I occasionally also meet with the other, whom I found very charming since the beginning and who started becoming quite flirty. He asked me out in April and since then we have been dating. He hasn’t got plans to be serious and he goes back to his country on a regular every two week ends, but who knows, step by step we might take it further.

However, two weeks ago he was showing me pictures of his week end home from his gallery and I noticed him getting a bit uncomfortable the more he would scroll - until he half opened a screen shot of an Instagram portrait of a very beautiful girl. He tried to hide it but I scrolled to open it. He was very uncomfortable and said “she’s not supposed to be here”, deleted it and explained that it was one of his friend who sent the pic in a WhatsApp group and that’s how it got saved. It looked quite a lot like a screenshot of his phone though. I believed him and stopped asking about it, but the doubt was insinuated.

I was quick enough to see most of her insta handle and I could easily find her public profile. She is Italian but she is based in the city where he comes from. She is an antitrust lawyer in a very renowned firm. When I saw this, I remembered a time when, in a job-related conversation that touched upon Italians in our field, he he said that the smartest person he knows is an Italian antitrust lawyer based in an office next door to his previous one. So I looked up the address and it can only be her. She is the only Italian in the firm, and by her web CV i can learn that she has interned at the UN, researched in Beijing, has two masters and speaks four languages. And she is beautiful, always well dressed and seems to be single by her insta, even though a blonde handsome guy appeared in a couple of posts end of 2018- beginning 2019 (when my guy moved here). She seems surrounded by adoring friends and a bunch of people pointing out how pretty she is whenever she posts anything containing herself. I can also recall once where my guy showed particular interest and knowledge of Milan - and she is from there.

I grew suspicious because he had never mentioned anything about her and didn’t seem keen on talking about her. Thus I took the occasion of a two-day work trip with his other colleague to get some info. I waited for him to be a bit tipsy after work to ask him if it would be a good idea that I would ask the guy I am dating to ask the girl if she could give me tips for a trip to Milan. He said that it’s not a great idea since “90% of the reasons why my guy moved here is to get over the fact that she left him, which was impossible if he risked seeing her everyday”. I pretended to know more and said “yeah, after all that time, what was it again, 6 months or so?” And he said that they had been together for more than one year. (!!)

I asked him if she is indeed that pretty and he said that he had never talked to her but he had seen her a lot of times when my guy would casually ask colleagues to go eat or have after work drinks in one of the restaurants in front of the entrance of her building. He then said that I shouldn’t worry though because this is a new life for him and she is not a part of it.

However, I worry (and I am constantly checking her insta too, no lie).

So yesterday I asked my guy about her. he got extremely irritated and said that his colleague had indeed mentioned that I went asking about her. He said that they are not in contact and that she has blocked him on all social media anyway and that he hasn’t given her his new number so that she can stay in the past and that the case was closed. I asked him why he didn’t mention her when talking about previous relationships if he was over her and he said that it didn’t end well and he didn’t want to talk about it.

He then finished his drink and went to the toilet. After we left the atmosphere was a bit awkward and today he hasn’t been in touch at all.

My guts tell me that he is not 100% over her. I don’t know if they have unfinished business or anything, but I am afraid she can be trouble - especially because she was the one who left apparently.

What do you think? Should I trust him or my guts? Thx!

[TL; DR] the guy I am dating didn’t mention anything about his ex of more than one year until I found a picture of hers on his phone. He gets defensive all the time I try to talk about her but says she is in the past, however I think he might not be over her. What do you think?

Submitted June 25, 2019 at 11:33PM

Hi, i’m new here so forgive me if the post seems a bit rough!I work as a consultant to various other companies and one of those hired two seniors from another country in January. I work more with one but I occasionally also meet with the other, whom I found very charming since the beginning and who started becoming quite flirty. He asked me out in April and since then we have been dating. He hasn’t got plans to be serious and he goes back to his country on a regular every two week ends, but who knows, step by step we might take it further.However, two weeks ago he was showing me pictures of his week end home from his gallery and I noticed him getting a bit uncomfortable the more he would scroll - until he half opened a screen shot of an Instagram portrait of a very beautiful girl. He tried to hide it but I scrolled to open it. He was very uncomfortable and said “she’s not supposed to be here”, deleted it and explained that it was one of his friend who sent the pic in a WhatsApp group and that’s how it got saved. It looked quite a lot like a screenshot of his phone though. I believed him and stopped asking about it, but the doubt was insinuated.I was quick enough to see most of her insta handle and I could easily find her public profile. She is Italian but she is based in the city where he comes from. She is an antitrust lawyer in a very renowned firm. When I saw this, I remembered a time when, in a job-related conversation that touched upon Italians in our field, he he said that the smartest person he knows is an Italian antitrust lawyer based in an office next door to his previous one. So I looked up the address and it can only be her. She is the only Italian in the firm, and by her web CV i can learn that she has interned at the UN, researched in Beijing, has two masters and speaks four languages. And she is beautiful, always well dressed and seems to be single by her insta, even though a blonde handsome guy appeared in a couple of posts end of 2018- beginning 2019 (when my guy moved here). She seems surrounded by adoring friends and a bunch of people pointing out how pretty she is whenever she posts anything containing herself. I can also recall once where my guy showed particular interest and knowledge of Milan - and she is from there.I grew suspicious because he had never mentioned anything about her and didn’t seem keen on talking about her. Thus I took the occasion of a two-day work trip with his other colleague to get some info. I waited for him to be a bit tipsy after work to ask him if it would be a good idea that I would ask the guy I am dating to ask the girl if she could give me tips for a trip to Milan. He said that it’s not a great idea since “90% of the reasons why my guy moved here is to get over the fact that she left him, which was impossible if he risked seeing her everyday”. I pretended to know more and said “yeah, after all that time, what was it again, 6 months or so?” And he said that they had been together for more than one year. (!!)I asked him if she is indeed that pretty and he said that he had never talked to her but he had seen her a lot of times when my guy would casually ask colleagues to go eat or have after work drinks in one of the restaurants in front of the entrance of her building. He then said that I shouldn’t worry though because this is a new life for him and she is not a part of it.However, I worry (and I am constantly checking her insta too, no lie).So yesterday I asked my guy about her. he got extremely irritated and said that his colleague had indeed mentioned that I went asking about her. He said that they are not in contact and that she has blocked him on all social media anyway and that he hasn’t given her his new number so that she can stay in the past and that the case was closed. I asked him why he didn’t mention her when talking about previous relationships if he was over her and he said that it didn’t end well and he didn’t want to talk about it.He then finished his drink and went to the toilet. After we left the atmosphere was a bit awkward and today he hasn’t been in touch at all.My guts tell me that he is not 100% over her. I don’t know if they have unfinished business or anything, but I am afraid she can be trouble - especially because she was the one who left apparently.What do you think? Should I trust him or my guts? Thx![TL; DR] the guy I am dating didn’t mention anything about his ex of more than one year until I found a picture of hers on his phone. He gets defensive all the time I try to talk about her but says she is in the past, however I think he might not be over her. What do you think?