Contacting an ex just to stand up for yourself?

I'll try to keep it as short and sweet as I can.

Relationship that moved really quickly, and burned out as fast as it took off (5 months start to finish). Really intense emotions. Grew toxic in the end.

We both made mistakes and contributed to the downfall of the relationship. That's how breakups work right? Takes 2 to fail.

But she put it all on me and berated me and was honestly really shitty and blamed me for everything. We broke up 4 months ago and last contact was maybe 6 weeks ago. I reached out to her, trying to make peace, I was ready to forgive her and hoping she could me too. Didn't want her back, just wanted to make nice to unload the emotional burden from both of us. Done it before with bad breakups and I prefer it that way. Make peace and don't really talk much after that. Perfect closure.

Didn't go that way though. She tore into me and said some really cruel things to me and it honestly made me feel like a monster.

Only recently have I been able to come to my senses and stop blaming myself for everything and I'm pretty upset that I let her treat me that way. I never stood up for myself in the relationship and she walked all over me. I allowed myself to shoulder the blame for all of our conflict.

I just want to text her a long message pointing out to her where she mistreated me and where she made mistakes too just to get it off my chest. Then block her so I never have to hear from her again/get into another argument.

I've never been very good at standing up for myself and I'm working really hard to change this. I think this could be good for my self esteem but I also feel like I should have done it when we last spoke because now it's been so long and would just make me look petty. I'm torn.

TL;DR Ex was really shitty to me and I shouldered all the blame for things I shouldn't have. Want to text her now that my self esteem is back and call her out on her shit so that I finally stand up for myself but it's been months.



Submitted June 25, 2019 at 11:18PM

I'll try to keep it as short and sweet as I can.Relationship that moved really quickly, and burned out as fast as it took off (5 months start to finish). Really intense emotions. Grew toxic in the end.We both made mistakes and contributed to the downfall of the relationship. That's how breakups work right? Takes 2 to fail.But she put it all on me and berated me and was honestly really shitty and blamed me for everything. We broke up 4 months ago and last contact was maybe 6 weeks ago. I reached out to her, trying to make peace, I was ready to forgive her and hoping she could me too. Didn't want her back, just wanted to make nice to unload the emotional burden from both of us. Done it before with bad breakups and I prefer it that way. Make peace and don't really talk much after that. Perfect closure.Didn't go that way though. She tore into me and said some really cruel things to me and it honestly made me feel like a monster.Only recently have I been able to come to my senses and stop blaming myself for everything and I'm pretty upset that I let her treat me that way. I never stood up for myself in the relationship and she walked all over me. I allowed myself to shoulder the blame for all of our conflict.I just want to text her a long message pointing out to her where she mistreated me and where she made mistakes too just to get it off my chest. Then block her so I never have to hear from her again/get into another argument.I've never been very good at standing up for myself and I'm working really hard to change this. I think this could be good for my self esteem but I also feel like I should have done it when we last spoke because now it's been so long and would just make me look petty. I'm torn.TL;DR Ex was really shitty to me and I shouldered all the blame for things I shouldn't have. Want to text her now that my self esteem is back and call her out on her shit so that I finally stand up for myself but it's been months.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more