Struggling to accept a rejection that conflicts with my interpretation of how things were going. Would it be terrible to ask for a more honest reason why?

From the title this might sound crazy ... Even in the post I probably won't sound sane. Hear me out, and then convince me not to send this text. (Also, sorry for the length of this post!)

Basically, I (23F) went on two dates with a guy (24M) from a dating app. Both were really really great (at least, I thought so? At least from my point of view?)

On the first date we grabbed drinks and chatted and the entire time we were all smiles. Just totally clicking. More chemistry than I've ever actually felt on a date. I was totally taken aback and surprised because I'd walked in very tired from my day.

He must have felt good about the date too because he texted me later that night to tell me his roommate had asked why he was smiling so much. And to tell me he had a good time and we should do dinner.

So the next week, I go to his place and we make dinner. And at least to me it felt the same -- a ton of chemistry. All smiles all night. We had discussions about going to museums together and doing dinner again. At no point did I get a vibe that he wasn't being genuine.

That evening we moved up to the bedroom and resolved not to go all the way... But we did go really far anyway. We talked dirty, and did a lot of foreplay-esque things, and we both finished. Then we cuddled and whispered and we were still making each other laugh.

At no point did I get the vibe that he was like, faking any of the interest. He seemed nervous at times. Very smiley and giggly. He kept repeating how "hot" the experience was and I really do think he meant it.

That, combined with how good the date seemed, just made me think a third date would totally happen.

Three days later I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me -- the movie we'd discussed on our date.

He took a long time to respond and asked if I'd mind if we talked about our date the other night because he had mixed feelings. I said of course we can talk about it, what's wrong? (I immediately felt so scared that I'd made him uncomfortable and said or done something that pushed his boundaries in the wrong way.)

He responded that he had a really nice time on both dates but could feel himself "pulling away emotionally" because of school. I thanked him for being honest and said well we should probably stop here I guess. (I thought that's what he was insinuating.) He agreed and thanked me for understanding.

I deleted the conversation and tried to shrug it off.

I know it was only two dates. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for the past week. Did I imagine all of the chemistry? Was he faking it to be polite or something? What on Earth happened during that second date, which went way over my head, that made him lose interest? I can't stop thinking about it, raking my brain for what I missed.

More than anything, saying that he had "mixed feelings" and wanted to talk about the date and then copping out and saying he needs to focus on school just ... Does not seem honest.

There's a part of me that wants ask him to be honest. Logically I know I shouldn't put him in that position. That would be its own form of cruelty, and I probably wouldn't like his answer. But I just so badly want to know that it wasn't about me, or that this was somehow a misunderstanding.

I also just want to say, it's not like I've never been rejected or gone through breakups or something. I've been through so so much worse. But with this guy, it feels like nothing adds up.

TL;DR went on two really great dates, and the feeling seemed to be mutual. He let me down gently and gave an excuse about school, but it's really upsetting my understanding of my own perception of the events, and I'm wondering what I missed. Would it be a terrible idea to tactfully tell him this, and ask for the honest reason?

Submitted June 25, 2019 at 11:42PM

From the title this might sound crazy ... Even in the post I probably won't sound sane. Hear me out, and then convince me not to send this text. (Also, sorry for the length of this post!)Basically, I (23F) went on two dates with a guy (24M) from a dating app. Both were really really great (at least, I thought so? At least from my point of view?)On the first date we grabbed drinks and chatted and the entire time we were all smiles. Just totally clicking. More chemistry than I've ever actually felt on a date. I was totally taken aback and surprised because I'd walked in very tired from my day.He must have felt good about the date too because he texted me later that night to tell me his roommate had asked why he was smiling so much. And to tell me he had a good time and we should do dinner.So the next week, I go to his place and we make dinner. And at least to me it felt the same -- a ton of chemistry. All smiles all night. We had discussions about going to museums together and doing dinner again. At no point did I get a vibe that he wasn't being genuine.That evening we moved up to the bedroom and resolved not to go all the way... But we did go really far anyway. We talked dirty, and did a lot of foreplay-esque things, and we both finished. Then we cuddled and whispered and we were still making each other laugh.At no point did I get the vibe that he was like, faking any of the interest. He seemed nervous at times. Very smiley and giggly. He kept repeating how "hot" the experience was and I really do think he meant it.That, combined with how good the date seemed, just made me think a third date would totally happen.Three days later I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me -- the movie we'd discussed on our date.He took a long time to respond and asked if I'd mind if we talked about our date the other night because he had mixed feelings. I said of course we can talk about it, what's wrong? (I immediately felt so scared that I'd made him uncomfortable and said or done something that pushed his boundaries in the wrong way.)He responded that he had a really nice time on both dates but could feel himself "pulling away emotionally" because of school. I thanked him for being honest and said well we should probably stop here I guess. (I thought that's what he was insinuating.) He agreed and thanked me for understanding.I deleted the conversation and tried to shrug it off.I know it was only two dates. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for the past week. Did I imagine all of the chemistry? Was he faking it to be polite or something? What on Earth happened during that second date, which went way over my head, that made him lose interest? I can't stop thinking about it, raking my brain for what I missed.More than anything, saying that he had "mixed feelings" and wanted to talk about the date and then copping out and saying he needs to focus on school just ... Does not seem honest.There's a part of me that wants ask him to be honest. Logically I know I shouldn't put him in that position. That would be its own form of cruelty, and I probably wouldn't like his answer. But I just so badly want to know that it wasn't about me, or that this was somehow a misunderstanding.I also just want to say, it's not like I've never been rejected or gone through breakups or something. I've been through so so much worse. But with this guy, it feels like nothing adds up.TL;DR went on two really great dates, and the feeling seemed to be mutual. He let me down gently and gave an excuse about school, but it's really upsetting my understanding of my own perception of the events, and I'm wondering what I missed. Would it be a terrible idea to tactfully tell him this, and ask for the honest reason?