How To Keep Spark Between Me (24F) and Boyfriend (31M)

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years. We were on and off for a bit, but have been really solid this past year. We live together.

I feel like he puts very little effort into our relationship, he doesn't plan dates or nights out. Unless I plan a day / night for us, or if his friends are hosting something, he just doesn't make plans. Sometimes if there is a movie he really would like to see, he'll get us tickets.

I'm talking like any plans, even things like require no money, like going for a walk, going to the beach, etc. I've expressed to him many times over the course of our relationship how I would love if sometimes he made plans. He tells me "why does it matter who makes the plans, all that matters is that we're doing them"

Over the course of our relationship, any major trip we've gone on, or any major thing we have done, has been almost entirely due to me and my plan. Trips, birthday parties (his and mine), etc, have all been planned and executed by me.

On Valentines day he does tend to go all out, makes dinner plans, so I know he is capable but other than that the rest of the year is nothing.

Our sex life / intimacy life is sad to me. I have to ask him for kisses, I have to ask him for hugs. He very rarely touches me hugs me or kisses me out of the blue. I never get to be little spoon. Hell ask me for massages or get me to cuddle him, but he doesn't reciprocate. When we're out in public and he notices men looking at me suddenly he'll grab my hand, but otherwise I don't get anything.I've tried bringing up our sex life and how I want to try to spice things up, I've let him try different things with me, but when I bring up wanting to improve our sex life and asking him what he likes, it just turns into him telling me everything I do wrong. Not even in a constructive way but in a way that just feels hurtful and makes me feel uninterested. I've tried asking him to talk about things in a way that could be a bit gentler as if he was actually considering my feelings.

He tells me he's attracted to me, that he loves my body, that he loves me. But I don't feel like his actions back up what he says. He says he wants to have sex more often, but does nothing to make me actually want to engage. I try to initiate sex more often, and I hate to say it, but it feels boring. It feels like we're just going through the motions. I don't feel like he's interested.

I'm just at the point in our relationship where I'm starting to wonder if this is what I have to look forward to then what is the point?

We do get along, we laugh together so much, and we have a genuine connection, we've grown so strong over the years. We really are so close and he makes me happy in our others, so this is so rough. I take care of myself, I dress nice, I have lingerie, and yet he's the one person I can't seem to get attention from. I have men approach me all the time, wanting my time, wanting to actually take me out, wanting to shower me with love. That's all I want from my partner.

How can I bring these things up with my partner without him getting upset or angry with me?

What tips do you have to keep your relationships passionate?

TL;DR Boyfriend and I's spark has fizzled throughout our relationship. I need tips on how to keep it alive

Submitted June 26, 2019 at 12:05AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years. We were on and off for a bit, but have been really solid this past year. We live together.I feel like he puts very little effort into our relationship, he doesn't plan dates or nights out. Unless I plan a day / night for us, or if his friends are hosting something, he just doesn't make plans. Sometimes if there is a movie he really would like to see, he'll get us tickets.I'm talking like any plans, even things like require no money, like going for a walk, going to the beach, etc. I've expressed to him many times over the course of our relationship how I would love if sometimes he made plans. He tells me "why does it matter who makes the plans, all that matters is that we're doing them"Over the course of our relationship, any major trip we've gone on, or any major thing we have done, has been almost entirely due to me and my plan. Trips, birthday parties (his and mine), etc, have all been planned and executed by me.On Valentines day he does tend to go all out, makes dinner plans, so I know he is capable but other than that the rest of the year is nothing.Our sex life / intimacy life is sad to me. I have to ask him for kisses, I have to ask him for hugs. He very rarely touches me hugs me or kisses me out of the blue. I never get to be little spoon. Hell ask me for massages or get me to cuddle him, but he doesn't reciprocate. When we're out in public and he notices men looking at me suddenly he'll grab my hand, but otherwise I don't get anything.I've tried bringing up our sex life and how I want to try to spice things up, I've let him try different things with me, but when I bring up wanting to improve our sex life and asking him what he likes, it just turns into him telling me everything I do wrong. Not even in a constructive way but in a way that just feels hurtful and makes me feel uninterested. I've tried asking him to talk about things in a way that could be a bit gentler as if he was actually considering my feelings.He tells me he's attracted to me, that he loves my body, that he loves me. But I don't feel like his actions back up what he says. He says he wants to have sex more often, but does nothing to make me actually want to engage. I try to initiate sex more often, and I hate to say it, but it feels boring. It feels like we're just going through the motions. I don't feel like he's interested.I'm just at the point in our relationship where I'm starting to wonder if this is what I have to look forward to then what is the point?We do get along, we laugh together so much, and we have a genuine connection, we've grown so strong over the years. We really are so close and he makes me happy in our others, so this is so rough. I take care of myself, I dress nice, I have lingerie, and yet he's the one person I can't seem to get attention from. I have men approach me all the time, wanting my time, wanting to actually take me out, wanting to shower me with love. That's all I want from my partner.How can I bring these things up with my partner without him getting upset or angry with me?What tips do you have to keep your relationships passionate?TL;DR Boyfriend and I's spark has fizzled throughout our relationship. I need tips on how to keep it alive