I'm [22F] unsure whether to break up with bf [24M] to deal with personal issues.

TL;DR Want to end relationship to work on building sense of self and experience independence

Ever since I [22F] was a child I have struggled with autonomy and identity. I'm an only child, and my parents were very overbearing and fearful. I never really had any privacy, and wasn't allowed to do things for myself because everything was 'dangerous'. I wasn't allowed to see friends outside of school really, or even catch a bus until I turned 18. I also was my mother's prime source of emotional support. As a result I lack confidence, a sense of autonomy, and am not very assertive.

After moving out of home I moved in with my bf [24M]. We've been together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We have a pretty healthy relationship, and are best friends. He is pretty set in his views and ways however. We live together, but I feel no ownership over the house. Almost everything in the space is his, while I just want to live minimally. When we go on holiday, he does the planning and navigating and I just feel like a passenger. He is aggressively sceptical, and so I explore spiritual or abstract concepts pretty much in secret to avoid an argument or being called stupid.

I love him but when I look into the future i feel like I'll forever be a passenger in my own life. Not that it's particularly his fault, I just never had the chance to build self agency and work out who I am independent of others. I really want to live by myself, to experience a sense of ownership of myself and my life. I'd live to nurture a space and invite people into it, and just live freely in my own time. We've discussed this and it would be a deal breaker for him. He thinks we should do everything together.

I think I want to end the relationship, but can't bring myself to because we are one another's only friend. Also he hasn't done anything wrong and is a great person so it seems unjustified. If anyone else has been in a similar situation how have you dealt with this?

Submitted September 05, 2020 at 12:15AM

TL;DR Want to end relationship to work on building sense of self and experience independenceEver since I [22F] was a child I have struggled with autonomy and identity. I'm an only child, and my parents were very overbearing and fearful. I never really had any privacy, and wasn't allowed to do things for myself because everything was 'dangerous'. I wasn't allowed to see friends outside of school really, or even catch a bus until I turned 18. I also was my mother's prime source of emotional support. As a result I lack confidence, a sense of autonomy, and am not very assertive.After moving out of home I moved in with my bf [24M]. We've been together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We have a pretty healthy relationship, and are best friends. He is pretty set in his views and ways however. We live together, but I feel no ownership over the house. Almost everything in the space is his, while I just want to live minimally. When we go on holiday, he does the planning and navigating and I just feel like a passenger. He is aggressively sceptical, and so I explore spiritual or abstract concepts pretty much in secret to avoid an argument or being called stupid.I love him but when I look into the future i feel like I'll forever be a passenger in my own life. Not that it's particularly his fault, I just never had the chance to build self agency and work out who I am independent of others. I really want to live by myself, to experience a sense of ownership of myself and my life. I'd live to nurture a space and invite people into it, and just live freely in my own time. We've discussed this and it would be a deal breaker for him. He thinks we should do everything together.I think I want to end the relationship, but can't bring myself to because we are one another's only friend. Also he hasn't done anything wrong and is a great person so it seems unjustified. If anyone else has been in a similar situation how have you dealt with this?