I (24F) am no longer sexually attracted to my (26M) boyfriend; resorted to other forms of indulgence.

Throw away account for secrecy. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. About 2 years ago, I found myself no longer sexually attracted to him. His advances would fill me with an "ugh" feeling because I didn't want to be sexual with him. For about a year and a half, I made excuses, blamed myself, and would be sexual with him strictly because he wanted it and I didn't want him to feel inadequate. I was so un-aroused that the sex would be physically uncomfortable, and I couldn't wait for it be over. About 6 months ago, I stopped trying to fulfill his needs and focused on what my body was telling me, and would deny any advances. I tried to talk to him about this, but because of his self esteem issues he would tend to make excuses and blame my body, saying I needed to see a gyno. When I explained that it was emotional, he would get defensive and put up a wall. He wouldn't talk with me about it and would shut down down the conversation, or use the good ole "you're hurting my feelings and shouldn't say things like that", which translates to many aspects of our relationship. It's not that I'm not horny anymore, I find my thoughts drifting to scenarios with ex sexual partners, attractive people, etc and usually get off a few times a week on my own. I even secretly purchased a vibrator because I wanted to enjoy myself and feel some sexual pleasure. I truly love this guy, but I'm not sure that it's a romantic love, more of a caregiver type as he is very immature and dependent and I have tended to his personality type for quite a few years now. The relationship doesn't feel "girlfriend-boyfriend", more I care a looot about him and know he needs me, so I take care of him in the ways he requires. He never brings the lack of sex up, and has stopped making advances altogether. What should I do? This is my first long-term relationship, and I know the initial "bang" feelings of the sex dies, but I feel like it goes beyond that and the relationship might be dead... I could really use some input. Please and thank you.

Submitted September 05, 2020 at 12:08AM

Throw away account for secrecy. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. About 2 years ago, I found myself no longer sexually attracted to him. His advances would fill me with an "ugh" feeling because I didn't want to be sexual with him. For about a year and a half, I made excuses, blamed myself, and would be sexual with him strictly because he wanted it and I didn't want him to feel inadequate. I was so un-aroused that the sex would be physically uncomfortable, and I couldn't wait for it be over. About 6 months ago, I stopped trying to fulfill his needs and focused on what my body was telling me, and would deny any advances. I tried to talk to him about this, but because of his self esteem issues he would tend to make excuses and blame my body, saying I needed to see a gyno. When I explained that it was emotional, he would get defensive and put up a wall. He wouldn't talk with me about it and would shut down down the conversation, or use the good ole "you're hurting my feelings and shouldn't say things like that", which translates to many aspects of our relationship. It's not that I'm not horny anymore, I find my thoughts drifting to scenarios with ex sexual partners, attractive people, etc and usually get off a few times a week on my own. I even secretly purchased a vibrator because I wanted to enjoy myself and feel some sexual pleasure. I truly love this guy, but I'm not sure that it's a romantic love, more of a caregiver type as he is very immature and dependent and I have tended to his personality type for quite a few years now. The relationship doesn't feel "girlfriend-boyfriend", more I care a looot about him and know he needs me, so I take care of him in the ways he requires. He never brings the lack of sex up, and has stopped making advances altogether. What should I do? This is my first long-term relationship, and I know the initial "bang" feelings of the sex dies, but I feel like it goes beyond that and the relationship might be dead... I could really use some input. Please and thank you.