I don’t feel like I’m really a part of my dad’s life anymore, am I being rational?

So, I (20f) don’t feel like I am really a huge part of my dad’s life all that much anymore. The past few years for us were rough, but I’ve never stopped caring for him.

For some context, he was married to a woman who hated me and was very emotionally abusive towards me for about 10 years of my life starting at around age 6. They had my little half brother together, who I love dearly and was the reason they stayed together for so long. I love him so much and wouldn’t trade what I went through if it meant not having him here. He is a part of all this as well.

They divorced in my teens, and he wasn’t single for long before starting to date again, and soon enough had plans to remarry again. He had known this woman since high school, and they didn’t even date for 6 months before deciding to get engaged. She’s way better than his last wife, but we still sadly don’t have much of a relationship, as much as I would like for us to.

They got engaged the summer before my senior year of high school, and planned to get married in June of the next year. I was cool with this, because it would have allowed me to graduate high school and not have to move out of our then home until maybe May. Well, come the fall, he started staying over at her house most nights, so I barely ever saw him unless he was home on a weekend that he had my brother. And even then, I was working on the weekend so I didn’t have a ton of time at home. They would go places and take my brother while I was at work, and I felt like I was an outsider when it came to them. I asked my dad if they could maybe wait for me, but he said he couldn’t because my brother had to be back at his mom’s at certain times, and I didn’t get off work until a certain time, so I just accepted it and kept my feelings to myself. If they didn’t want to wait or couldn’t, I didn’t want to be pushy or annoy them so much that they wouldn’t want to be around me at all.

The worst came later in the fall. A shooting then occurred at my high school that fall as well, and that was when I really felt like things started to fall apart. My mental health declined, my dad wasn’t home much, and I started having panic attacks.

He wasn’t very sympathetic to me, and it just made me feel like he was impassive about what I had been through. Like, not even an “I’m glad you’re okay” from him.

We fought a lot that year, and I said things that weren’t very kind either if I’m honest. Looking back on them now, I just feel stupid. It only escalated when they decided to get married that December instead of June of the next year. After that, they were showing the house to people all winter, and I had to hurry up and move out in March. Then he moved one town over so her son could finish high school in their town, and I moved in with another family member since they were closer to the college I would be attending and I couldn’t afford to live on my own.

It was stressful, and he had even promised me that I wouldn’t have to move out before the end of my senior year. After that, I saw and heard from him even less, and I still don’t feel comfortable going to their house. My other family members feel comfortable just going over and walking right in, but I can’t bring myself to. I don’t feel like part of their lives, and feel like I would be intruding. It sucks, because of course I love my dad and I miss him, but I just don’t feel like we’re very close anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I being irrational?

tl:dr: dad and I have a bit of a strained relationship now.

Submitted May 05, 2020 at 11:45PM

So, I (20f) don’t feel like I am really a huge part of my dad’s life all that much anymore. The past few years for us were rough, but I’ve never stopped caring for him.For some context, he was married to a woman who hated me and was very emotionally abusive towards me for about 10 years of my life starting at around age 6. They had my little half brother together, who I love dearly and was the reason they stayed together for so long. I love him so much and wouldn’t trade what I went through if it meant not having him here. He is a part of all this as well.They divorced in my teens, and he wasn’t single for long before starting to date again, and soon enough had plans to remarry again. He had known this woman since high school, and they didn’t even date for 6 months before deciding to get engaged. She’s way better than his last wife, but we still sadly don’t have much of a relationship, as much as I would like for us to.They got engaged the summer before my senior year of high school, and planned to get married in June of the next year. I was cool with this, because it would have allowed me to graduate high school and not have to move out of our then home until maybe May. Well, come the fall, he started staying over at her house most nights, so I barely ever saw him unless he was home on a weekend that he had my brother. And even then, I was working on the weekend so I didn’t have a ton of time at home. They would go places and take my brother while I was at work, and I felt like I was an outsider when it came to them. I asked my dad if they could maybe wait for me, but he said he couldn’t because my brother had to be back at his mom’s at certain times, and I didn’t get off work until a certain time, so I just accepted it and kept my feelings to myself. If they didn’t want to wait or couldn’t, I didn’t want to be pushy or annoy them so much that they wouldn’t want to be around me at all.The worst came later in the fall. A shooting then occurred at my high school that fall as well, and that was when I really felt like things started to fall apart. My mental health declined, my dad wasn’t home much, and I started having panic attacks.He wasn’t very sympathetic to me, and it just made me feel like he was impassive about what I had been through. Like, not even an “I’m glad you’re okay” from him.We fought a lot that year, and I said things that weren’t very kind either if I’m honest. Looking back on them now, I just feel stupid. It only escalated when they decided to get married that December instead of June of the next year. After that, they were showing the house to people all winter, and I had to hurry up and move out in March. Then he moved one town over so her son could finish high school in their town, and I moved in with another family member since they were closer to the college I would be attending and I couldn’t afford to live on my own.It was stressful, and he had even promised me that I wouldn’t have to move out before the end of my senior year. After that, I saw and heard from him even less, and I still don’t feel comfortable going to their house. My other family members feel comfortable just going over and walking right in, but I can’t bring myself to. I don’t feel like part of their lives, and feel like I would be intruding. It sucks, because of course I love my dad and I miss him, but I just don’t feel like we’re very close anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I being irrational?tl:dr: dad and I have a bit of a strained relationship now.