Would my husband be happier with somebody else?

(Disclaimer: Englisch is not my first language. So if you find any mistakes or have any suggestions - please leave them in a comment! I truly appreciate it!)

I never thought I would be typing this but here we go: My husband (35) and I (29) have been married for 3 years now (he proposed after 1 year) and have a 1 year old daughter. While my husband comes from a stable, two-parent, high income, cottage in the country side, white fence, golden retriever - you get the gist - type of family, the backdrop for childhood was quite different. The only consistency I knew up until I started to lead my own life was the downward spiral of manipulation, abuse and fear my divorced parents had created for me & my sisters and the only person I could trust was myself. At times. (It's hard to break nearly two decades of conditioning - especially during your formative years - so you end up self-sabotating a lot more than you can comprehend at first.)

Long story short: I would consider myself a fairly well-rounded person these days and I'm very conscientious when it comes to further improving myself and widening my horizon. I was very open and up front about my past, when my husband and I met and at first he didn't seem to have a problem with any of it. I guess back then he thought it was just that: my past. Some more, some less horrific but morbidly fascinating stories about things he's never experienced. But definitely nothing to be concerned about...

But tonight I heard what's been ringing in my ears, since the day I was able to understand what it means: "You're not normal!" And he's right. I'm not. When I (at 16) left my childhood "home" behind, I had to re-invent myself. I had to question everything I ever learned, everything I ever thought I knew and even more important: face the unknown. All the things my peers had experienced as part of normal life, I had to figure out as quickly as possible. No fallback option. No safety net.

Nothing has shaped my way of thinking more, than these first years of living on my own. I still tend to question things most people take for granted. I research a lot, I like to listen to a variety of opinions and view points before I form my own, I love in-depth conversations and I know how annoying I can be. But recently I noticed that my husband shows less and less interest in talking to me at all and if we do he gets very emotional, especially if we disagree upon a topic he deems important.

Tonight I asked why it's so difficult to accept the fact that we do not always share the same opinion and said that I would like to learn more about his point of view, which - to me - is the purpose of any personal discussion - not to defeat the other person or proof a point, but he didn't want to. He said "Everything is difficult with you! You're not normal! I much rather talk to people who are normal and share the same opinion I do! And some things I don't need to discuss. I just know. Cause I think like a normal person!" (I wanted to discuss neuroscientific studies in the context of daycare.)

So here I am... I really love my husband. But I don't want to waste his time.

Submitted April 09, 2020 at 11:59PM

(Disclaimer: Englisch is not my first language. So if you find any mistakes or have any suggestions - please leave them in a comment! I truly appreciate it!)I never thought I would be typing this but here we go: My husband (35) and I (29) have been married for 3 years now (he proposed after 1 year) and have a 1 year old daughter. While my husband comes from a stable, two-parent, high income, cottage in the country side, white fence, golden retriever - you get the gist - type of family, the backdrop for childhood was quite different. The only consistency I knew up until I started to lead my own life was the downward spiral of manipulation, abuse and fear my divorced parents had created for me & my sisters and the only person I could trust was myself. At times. (It's hard to break nearly two decades of conditioning - especially during your formative years - so you end up self-sabotating a lot more than you can comprehend at first.)Long story short: I would consider myself a fairly well-rounded person these days and I'm very conscientious when it comes to further improving myself and widening my horizon. I was very open and up front about my past, when my husband and I met and at first he didn't seem to have a problem with any of it. I guess back then he thought it was just that: my past. Some more, some less horrific but morbidly fascinating stories about things he's never experienced. But definitely nothing to be concerned about...But tonight I heard what's been ringing in my ears, since the day I was able to understand what it means: "You're not normal!" And he's right. I'm not. When I (at 16) left my childhood "home" behind, I had to re-invent myself. I had to question everything I ever learned, everything I ever thought I knew and even more important: face the unknown. All the things my peers had experienced as part of normal life, I had to figure out as quickly as possible. No fallback option. No safety net.Nothing has shaped my way of thinking more, than these first years of living on my own. I still tend to question things most people take for granted. I research a lot, I like to listen to a variety of opinions and view points before I form my own, I love in-depth conversations and I know how annoying I can be. But recently I noticed that my husband shows less and less interest in talking to me at all and if we do he gets very emotional, especially if we disagree upon a topic he deems important.Tonight I asked why it's so difficult to accept the fact that we do not always share the same opinion and said that I would like to learn more about his point of view, which - to me - is the purpose of any personal discussion - not to defeat the other person or proof a point, but he didn't want to. He said "Everything is difficult with you! You're not normal! I much rather talk to people who are normal and share the same opinion I do! And some things I don't need to discuss. I just know. Cause I think like a normal person!" (I wanted to discuss neuroscientific studies in the context of daycare.)So here I am... I really love my husband. But I don't want to waste his time.