Am I [20F] being selfish over my SO [25M] working too much?

Hello all,

My SO [25M] and I [20F] have been seeing each other for a little over 7 months now, and have been doing LDR for about 6.5 months. We said goodbye mid-September, and I'm flying to him late July. I'll be staying there for a little less than 2 months. So, it'll be a bit over ten months since I've last seen him.

Yesterday, he told me some heartbreaking news. The time that I'll be flying out to where he is, he will be very busy with finishing a project for work. That means he'll be seeing me ~3 days a week, mostly late at night only for a few hours. Of course, when he told me this, I guess I was "pretending" to be understanding and supportive. On the inside, my heart literally broke. 10 months -- I've waited to see him for 10 months and we can't even fully be together by then because he’s busy.

It's not atypical for him to be busy with work. Everyday, he works at least 12 hours a day, and I stay up until 3 or 4 AM because that's when he finishes. He can't really call for long throughout the day because he is so busy, and his days off needs to be approved by his work. He can't take a lot of days off when I go to him because he'll be busy with the project. We planned to go to vacations together but it looks like that won’t be happening, either.

Is it okay for me to be a bit upset over this whole situation? I know it's not under his control, but it just makes me so frustrated and mad that his work always blocks our relationship. Even after waiting every day for 10 months for him, I can't even see him freely because of his stupid work. Sometimes, I feel like his places his work over me. Am I the asshole for being frustrated, mad, and sad at the same time? I haven’t told him how frustrated I feel; I am currently just bottling it all up. Should I try to be a bit more understanding...? :( Or is it okay for me to be mad? I appreciate any insight on this situation, thank you all so much.

Tldr; SO & I are in an LDR, and the next time I’ll visit him will be the first time I’ve seen him in 10 months. However, he’s a workaholic & can’t even make free time for me by then. Is it okay for me to be upset or should I try to be more understanding as a partner?



Submitted April 09, 2020 at 11:54PM

Hello all,My SO [25M] and I [20F] have been seeing each other for a little over 7 months now, and have been doing LDR for about 6.5 months. We said goodbye mid-September, and I'm flying to him late July. I'll be staying there for a little less than 2 months. So, it'll be a bit over ten months since I've last seen him.Yesterday, he told me some heartbreaking news. The time that I'll be flying out to where he is, he will be very busy with finishing a project for work. That means he'll be seeing me ~3 days a week, mostly late at night only for a few hours. Of course, when he told me this, I guess I was "pretending" to be understanding and supportive. On the inside, my heart literally broke. 10 months -- I've waited to see him for 10 months and we can't even fully be together by then because he’s busy.It's not atypical for him to be busy with work. Everyday, he works at least 12 hours a day, and I stay up until 3 or 4 AM because that's when he finishes. He can't really call for long throughout the day because he is so busy, and his days off needs to be approved by his work. He can't take a lot of days off when I go to him because he'll be busy with the project. We planned to go to vacations together but it looks like that won’t be happening, either.Is it okay for me to be a bit upset over this whole situation? I know it's not under his control, but it just makes me so frustrated and mad that his work always blocks our relationship. Even after waiting every day for 10 months for him, I can't even see him freely because of his stupid work. Sometimes, I feel like his places his work over me. Am I the asshole for being frustrated, mad, and sad at the same time? I haven’t told him how frustrated I feel; I am currently just bottling it all up. Should I try to be a bit more understanding...? :( Or is it okay for me to be mad? I appreciate any insight on this situation, thank you all so much.Tldr; SO & I are in an LDR, and the next time I’ll visit him will be the first time I’ve seen him in 10 months. However, he’s a workaholic & can’t even make free time for me by then. Is it okay for me to be upset or should I try to be more understanding as a partner?
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