Am I [20F] being selfish over my SO [25M] working too much?

Hello all,

My SO [25M] and I [20F] have been seeing each other for a little over 7 months now, and have been doing LDR for about 6.5 months. We said goodbye mid-September, and I'm flying to him late July. I'll be staying there for a little less than 2 months. So, it'll be a bit over ten months since I've last seen him.

Yesterday, he told me some heartbreaking news. The time that I'll be flying out to where he is, he will be very busy with finishing a project for work. That means he'll be seeing me ~3 days a week, mostly late at night only for a few hours. Of course, when he told me this, I guess I was "pretending" to be understanding and supportive. On the inside, my heart literally broke. 10 months -- I've waited to see him for 10 months and we can't even fully be together by then because he’s busy.

It's not atypical for him to be busy with work. Everyday, he works at least 12 hours a day, and I stay up until 3 or 4 AM because that's when he finishes. He can't really call for long throughout the day because he is so busy, and his days off needs to be approved by his work. He can't take a lot of days off when I go to him because he'll be busy with the project. We planned to go to vacations together but it looks like that won’t be happening, either.

Is it okay for me to be a bit upset over this whole situation? I know it's not under his control, but it just makes me so frustrated and mad that his work always blocks our relationship. Even after waiting every day for 10 months for him, I can't even see him freely because of his stupid work. Sometimes, I feel like his places his work over me. Am I the asshole for being frustrated, mad, and sad at the same time? I haven’t told him how frustrated I feel; I am currently just bottling it all up. Should I try to be a bit more understanding...? :( Or is it okay for me to be mad? I appreciate any insight on this situation, thank you all so much.

Tldr; SO & I are in an LDR, and the next time I’ll visit him will be the first time I’ve seen him in 10 months. However, he’s a workaholic & can’t even make free time for me by then. Is it okay for me to be upset or should I try to be more understanding as a partner?



Submitted April 09, 2020 at 11:54PM

Hello all,My SO [25M] and I [20F] have been seeing each other for a little over 7 months now, and have been doing LDR for about 6.5 months. We said goodbye mid-September, and I'm flying to him late July. I'll be staying there for a little less than 2 months. So, it'll be a bit over ten months since I've last seen him.Yesterday, he told me some heartbreaking news. The time that I'll be flying out to where he is, he will be very busy with finishing a project for work. That means he'll be seeing me ~3 days a week, mostly late at night only for a few hours. Of course, when he told me this, I guess I was "pretending" to be understanding and supportive. On the inside, my heart literally broke. 10 months -- I've waited to see him for 10 months and we can't even fully be together by then because he’s busy.It's not atypical for him to be busy with work. Everyday, he works at least 12 hours a day, and I stay up until 3 or 4 AM because that's when he finishes. He can't really call for long throughout the day because he is so busy, and his days off needs to be approved by his work. He can't take a lot of days off when I go to him because he'll be busy with the project. We planned to go to vacations together but it looks like that won’t be happening, either.Is it okay for me to be a bit upset over this whole situation? I know it's not under his control, but it just makes me so frustrated and mad that his work always blocks our relationship. Even after waiting every day for 10 months for him, I can't even see him freely because of his stupid work. Sometimes, I feel like his places his work over me. Am I the asshole for being frustrated, mad, and sad at the same time? I haven’t told him how frustrated I feel; I am currently just bottling it all up. Should I try to be a bit more understanding...? :( Or is it okay for me to be mad? I appreciate any insight on this situation, thank you all so much.Tldr; SO & I are in an LDR, and the next time I’ll visit him will be the first time I’ve seen him in 10 months. However, he’s a workaholic & can’t even make free time for me by then. Is it okay for me to be upset or should I try to be more understanding as a partner?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more