Deep down I (23M) know I want to try again with my ex (22F) girlfriend. Am I looking for hope when there is none?

So my (23M) ex girlfriend (22F) and I were together for 10 months. It was really some of the happiest times of my life but about 6 months ago we broke up from a combination of distance, and deteriorating mental health. It was a difficult breakup and I fell into a depression. With therapy and time I ended up making a turn around and eventually got a job in the city I'd been trying to get into for a while. It happend to be near where she was working but I never told her about it, a mutual friend did.

Every now and then I'd get a text from her, asking about my job, happy birthday, etc. Last weekend though I got a big text from her, saying how much she missed me, our relationship, but also that she was officially diagnosed with BPD, which was something that she was concerned about near the end of our relationship. I called her and we talked for a while, I admitted to missing her too and how we both wanted to see each other. I had to think everything over for a couple days.

Last night I called her again and we reiterated what was said in Friday, but I also asked what she wanted out of that original text: friends, forgiveness, get back together? She said she wasn't sure, but knew how badly she missed me and how I was the best boyfriend she ever had and treated her right. I said I was proud of her for starting to get help, and I really want to see her succeed. But she said she was still afraid she was of it and of hurting me. Regardless I've told her how strong I knew that she was and I know that she wants a family one day and wants to get the right help. She asked me what I wanted. Now I like to think I'm a really patient guy, and I told her that my mind was open to trying again when the world was open for business again.

We left the conversation amicably and recognized how much we still care about each other but also understood that now wasnt a good time and that it would still take conversations and work. I think the time we still have in quarantine will do some good to learn more about ourselves and take our time. What I'm asking is, do you think theres a chance to rekindle/restart our relationship? I'm wondering if I'm looking for hope when there is none. I know her mental health is serious and I'm trying to understand it. Do any of you have experience holding down relationships with someone with BPD?

TL;DR: ex girlfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. Friday she sent me a big text about how much she missed me and how sorry she was, but also that she was diagnosed with BPD. We spoke 2 times since then and found it best to table it until the end of quarantine. Am I being too hopeful that we can start over? Is having a successful relationship possible when a partner is seeking treatment for BPD?



Submitted April 09, 2020 at 11:57PM

So my (23M) ex girlfriend (22F) and I were together for 10 months. It was really some of the happiest times of my life but about 6 months ago we broke up from a combination of distance, and deteriorating mental health. It was a difficult breakup and I fell into a depression. With therapy and time I ended up making a turn around and eventually got a job in the city I'd been trying to get into for a while. It happend to be near where she was working but I never told her about it, a mutual friend did.Every now and then I'd get a text from her, asking about my job, happy birthday, etc. Last weekend though I got a big text from her, saying how much she missed me, our relationship, but also that she was officially diagnosed with BPD, which was something that she was concerned about near the end of our relationship. I called her and we talked for a while, I admitted to missing her too and how we both wanted to see each other. I had to think everything over for a couple days.Last night I called her again and we reiterated what was said in Friday, but I also asked what she wanted out of that original text: friends, forgiveness, get back together? She said she wasn't sure, but knew how badly she missed me and how I was the best boyfriend she ever had and treated her right. I said I was proud of her for starting to get help, and I really want to see her succeed. But she said she was still afraid she was of it and of hurting me. Regardless I've told her how strong I knew that she was and I know that she wants a family one day and wants to get the right help. She asked me what I wanted. Now I like to think I'm a really patient guy, and I told her that my mind was open to trying again when the world was open for business again.We left the conversation amicably and recognized how much we still care about each other but also understood that now wasnt a good time and that it would still take conversations and work. I think the time we still have in quarantine will do some good to learn more about ourselves and take our time. What I'm asking is, do you think theres a chance to rekindle/restart our relationship? I'm wondering if I'm looking for hope when there is none. I know her mental health is serious and I'm trying to understand it. Do any of you have experience holding down relationships with someone with BPD?TL;DR: ex girlfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. Friday she sent me a big text about how much she missed me and how sorry she was, but also that she was diagnosed with BPD. We spoke 2 times since then and found it best to table it until the end of quarantine. Am I being too hopeful that we can start over? Is having a successful relationship possible when a partner is seeking treatment for BPD?
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