How do I(22f) "connect" emotionally with men I date?

How do I emotionally connect with future men I date?

I recently came out of a 4 and 1/2 month relationship and it ended because there was no emotional connection to keep it going in his (24m) eyes. The relationship soon became one sided and it fizzled. I know it was the lack of emotional connection because I have a hard time opening up to guys I really like and in this case, love. I become really vulnerable and avoid talking about my pains an issues etc because I get really emotional and for some reason, I do not like a guy seeing me that way.

I trusted the guy that I was in a relationship though. I wanted to open up so badly but I could never bring myself up to do it. I just avoided it. He would open up to me about his childhood trauma etc and that would be the only topic of discussion and I would rarely open up and tell him I went through the same. I just feel like moments like that could of made saved what we had. Ill sometimes mention something emotional in my past but I would not let the conversation start to delve into.

I once was in a 4 year relationship from the ages 17 to 21 and even then, opening up was hard for me but the difference is that my ex would force it out of me (he was not a good boyfriend).

I sometimes feel like an alien because of it and I took the relationship ending hard because I love this guy and it was really sudden. Plus it ended vaguely and I have almost no closure. I thought everything was close to perfect and I was so freaking happy (I had depression majority of 2019) but I got caught off guard and did not understand why he was feeling this way. He made me feel like I was on cloud 9 and I had happiness with him that I have not felt in years. This whole relationship ended because of my inability to connect. I just wanted my emotions to come out naturally but I guess it was taking too long.

I am still grieving the end of this relationship for the wounds are still very much raw. I still think about him every day and miss him very much and there is not a day that goes by where I wish I could of told him that he means so much to me and run into his arms but its just a dream at this point. Through lots of crying and weed, I realized if he wanted to work things out then he would have made the effort and I would not be typing this right now. I tried communicating and reaching out without being forceful and gave him space in which he asked, adding to the relationship fizzling.

I have decided to take a break from dating after him. I know I would be not able connect with another person like I connected with him. He made me feel seen. But I still have hope but I am too emotionally weak right now to even think about putting myself through another relationship. I am taking this as a learning lesson.

What I fear is that this will be a cycle for future partners. How can I emotionally connect to a guy knowing that I can trust them?

TL;DR : I have issues connecting emotionally to men I date. Was in a relationship that ended because I felt like did not emotionally connect with him even though I trusted him and wanted to open up. How can I fix this?



Submitted April 10, 2020 at 12:04AM

How do I emotionally connect with future men I date?I recently came out of a 4 and 1/2 month relationship and it ended because there was no emotional connection to keep it going in his (24m) eyes. The relationship soon became one sided and it fizzled. I know it was the lack of emotional connection because I have a hard time opening up to guys I really like and in this case, love. I become really vulnerable and avoid talking about my pains an issues etc because I get really emotional and for some reason, I do not like a guy seeing me that way.I trusted the guy that I was in a relationship though. I wanted to open up so badly but I could never bring myself up to do it. I just avoided it. He would open up to me about his childhood trauma etc and that would be the only topic of discussion and I would rarely open up and tell him I went through the same. I just feel like moments like that could of made saved what we had. Ill sometimes mention something emotional in my past but I would not let the conversation start to delve into.I once was in a 4 year relationship from the ages 17 to 21 and even then, opening up was hard for me but the difference is that my ex would force it out of me (he was not a good boyfriend).I sometimes feel like an alien because of it and I took the relationship ending hard because I love this guy and it was really sudden. Plus it ended vaguely and I have almost no closure. I thought everything was close to perfect and I was so freaking happy (I had depression majority of 2019) but I got caught off guard and did not understand why he was feeling this way. He made me feel like I was on cloud 9 and I had happiness with him that I have not felt in years. This whole relationship ended because of my inability to connect. I just wanted my emotions to come out naturally but I guess it was taking too long.I am still grieving the end of this relationship for the wounds are still very much raw. I still think about him every day and miss him very much and there is not a day that goes by where I wish I could of told him that he means so much to me and run into his arms but its just a dream at this point. Through lots of crying and weed, I realized if he wanted to work things out then he would have made the effort and I would not be typing this right now. I tried communicating and reaching out without being forceful and gave him space in which he asked, adding to the relationship fizzling.I have decided to take a break from dating after him. I know I would be not able connect with another person like I connected with him. He made me feel seen. But I still have hope but I am too emotionally weak right now to even think about putting myself through another relationship. I am taking this as a learning lesson.What I fear is that this will be a cycle for future partners. How can I emotionally connect to a guy knowing that I can trust them?TL;DR : I have issues connecting emotionally to men I date. Was in a relationship that ended because I felt like did not emotionally connect with him even though I trusted him and wanted to open up. How can I fix this?
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