I have asperger and I don’t understand dating at all.

I’m a 19 year old girl who has no clue at all about dating. I think it’s due to my asperger. Relationships like friendships and family has always been something I have to learn from the beginning. The progress has always been very tiresome because of the endless mistakes I make, but I somewhat have learned the rules on how to be ‘normal’ in a friendship or a polite interaction.

The thing is that after those 19 years, I still have no clue about anything that has to do around a romantic relationship. I still only know how to get a relationship like a child by ‘confessions’ and stuff, but when I got older I noticed that the adult way is way different and that confessing is very childish. I think my feelings are also very childish. I easily get crushes and imagine a whole future with them, even though I know nothing about them and we’re not even good friend to start with. I’ve noticed that when i meet a boy, i would a) get feelings from them directly and don’t know how to act around them except being overly shy, or b) I will treat them as a friends and will never even get feelings for them. I’ve never had c) start of being friends and then get feelings for them. I don’t even understand how that happens because I never experienced it.

Also I understand that you have to start texting with someone to get into a relationship because that’s what my friends always chat about, but I still have so many questions. Like how do you even start chatting? And after the chatting, how does it become a relationship? My friends used to say by kissing them at a party, but recently casual kissing is also a thing, so then when? And if you are in a relationship, how do you even act? I know you’ll have sex and stuff, but how do you initiate sex? And how do you do romantic stuff? Can someone help me by making some kind of guideline on how a relationship progresses? I’m so confused.

I’m also very confused about how to treat my guy friends. I treat them like I would treat girl friends, but I realized that it sometimes gives of the wrong impression like I’m ‘flirting’? I had friends thinking that I had a crush on them because I always smile at everything they say and I’m quite bubbly (don’t even fully understand that word), but I always thought that that’s how you treat a friend and that smiling is polite to make people like me. What are the things that are different between guy friends and girl friends?

And I also get anxiety around kissing. I’ve only had one kiss but that was very forced and in my opinion a bad kiss because we just smacked lips. I don’t know how to kiss at all or how you even get to kissing. I’m scared that people will see me as a bad kisser, but I honestly don’t know the techniques. It gives me anxiety to even think about kissing, but I still would like to kiss? I know I’m contradicting myself, but that’s how I feel. And my friends say that I can easily get someone to kiss me at a party and they always look confused if I say I haven’t kissed anybody, but I just don’t know how :(.

The stupid thing is, people expect me to know all this stuff because I’m an attractive young woman that has guy friends and come over as very sociable and talkative, but these are just the ‘rules’ I learned over the years. My friends expect me to be talking with a boy, and that I can get a boyfriend easily, but I seriously have no clue. They’re not saying it to push me, it’s just what they kinda expected. I also want to be in a relationship because I’m quite lonely, but I really need help :(

Tldr: i know nothing about romance, please help

Submitted April 24, 2020 at 11:24PM

I’m a 19 year old girl who has no clue at all about dating. I think it’s due to my asperger. Relationships like friendships and family has always been something I have to learn from the beginning. The progress has always been very tiresome because of the endless mistakes I make, but I somewhat have learned the rules on how to be ‘normal’ in a friendship or a polite interaction.The thing is that after those 19 years, I still have no clue about anything that has to do around a romantic relationship. I still only know how to get a relationship like a child by ‘confessions’ and stuff, but when I got older I noticed that the adult way is way different and that confessing is very childish. I think my feelings are also very childish. I easily get crushes and imagine a whole future with them, even though I know nothing about them and we’re not even good friend to start with. I’ve noticed that when i meet a boy, i would a) get feelings from them directly and don’t know how to act around them except being overly shy, or b) I will treat them as a friends and will never even get feelings for them. I’ve never had c) start of being friends and then get feelings for them. I don’t even understand how that happens because I never experienced it.Also I understand that you have to start texting with someone to get into a relationship because that’s what my friends always chat about, but I still have so many questions. Like how do you even start chatting? And after the chatting, how does it become a relationship? My friends used to say by kissing them at a party, but recently casual kissing is also a thing, so then when? And if you are in a relationship, how do you even act? I know you’ll have sex and stuff, but how do you initiate sex? And how do you do romantic stuff? Can someone help me by making some kind of guideline on how a relationship progresses? I’m so confused.I’m also very confused about how to treat my guy friends. I treat them like I would treat girl friends, but I realized that it sometimes gives of the wrong impression like I’m ‘flirting’? I had friends thinking that I had a crush on them because I always smile at everything they say and I’m quite bubbly (don’t even fully understand that word), but I always thought that that’s how you treat a friend and that smiling is polite to make people like me. What are the things that are different between guy friends and girl friends?And I also get anxiety around kissing. I’ve only had one kiss but that was very forced and in my opinion a bad kiss because we just smacked lips. I don’t know how to kiss at all or how you even get to kissing. I’m scared that people will see me as a bad kisser, but I honestly don’t know the techniques. It gives me anxiety to even think about kissing, but I still would like to kiss? I know I’m contradicting myself, but that’s how I feel. And my friends say that I can easily get someone to kiss me at a party and they always look confused if I say I haven’t kissed anybody, but I just don’t know how :(.The stupid thing is, people expect me to know all this stuff because I’m an attractive young woman that has guy friends and come over as very sociable and talkative, but these are just the ‘rules’ I learned over the years. My friends expect me to be talking with a boy, and that I can get a boyfriend easily, but I seriously have no clue. They’re not saying it to push me, it’s just what they kinda expected. I also want to be in a relationship because I’m quite lonely, but I really need help :(Tldr: i know nothing about romance, please help