I [19m] 'objectified' a hookup [20f] and a friend [19f] thinks I'm a sexist. How do I convince her I'm not?

We're in college fyi.

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One of the girls in the group, Erica, began a conversation about hookups. It was pretty shallow, but I was bored, so I figured, why not, right? I mentioned I had hooked up with this girl named Madison. A lot of people seemed surprised that I had hooked up with her, because she's known around campus as a girl who basically isn't smart enough to get into our school who only got in because she's a rich donor. My friend group knows that I don't exactly view her that favorably intellectually.

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So they brought that up, and I shrugged and told them that I didn't care at all about her personality, as we were just hooking up and I just cared she was hot. This caused Erica to accuse me of 'objectifying' her down to her body, and said it was sexist.

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I mean, she's technically right that I was objectifying Madison here, but I think given the context, it's totally fine and not sexist at all. We hooked up once, and hook-ups are literally when two people are horny/sexually attracted to each other and have sex with no feelings involved. The objectification goes both ways-- I don't think Madison cared all too much about my personality or my stance on political issues, for example, she just wanted to get laid, just like I did.

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So I explained that to Erica, telling her that yes, it would be a problem if I were dating Madison or something but only saw her body, but for casual hook-ups I was acting pretty much how everyone does. Not to be mean, but I low-key kinda feel like Erica doesn't have much experience in this area if she acts this way (although I didn't say that to her, that would be cruel).

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She didn't buy my logic. I think I acted perfectly reasonably and Erica's over-analyzing a simple hook-up. What now?

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tl;dr: Had a conversation about hook-ups and said I only cared about my hook-up's body. Friend of mine thinks I'm sexist for that, I think I'm being reasonable. What do I do?



Submitted April 24, 2020 at 11:54PM

We're in college fyi.​One of the girls in the group, Erica, began a conversation about hookups. It was pretty shallow, but I was bored, so I figured, why not, right? I mentioned I had hooked up with this girl named Madison. A lot of people seemed surprised that I had hooked up with her, because she's known around campus as a girl who basically isn't smart enough to get into our school who only got in because she's a rich donor. My friend group knows that I don't exactly view her that favorably intellectually.​So they brought that up, and I shrugged and told them that I didn't care at all about her personality, as we were just hooking up and I just cared she was hot. This caused Erica to accuse me of 'objectifying' her down to her body, and said it was sexist.​I mean, she's technically right that I was objectifying Madison here, but I think given the context, it's totally fine and not sexist at all. We hooked up once, and hook-ups are literally when two people are horny/sexually attracted to each other and have sex with no feelings involved. The objectification goes both ways-- I don't think Madison cared all too much about my personality or my stance on political issues, for example, she just wanted to get laid, just like I did.​So I explained that to Erica, telling her that yes, it would be a problem if I were dating Madison or something but only saw her body, but for casual hook-ups I was acting pretty much how everyone does. Not to be mean, but I low-key kinda feel like Erica doesn't have much experience in this area if she acts this way (although I didn't say that to her, that would be cruel).​She didn't buy my logic. I think I acted perfectly reasonably and Erica's over-analyzing a simple hook-up. What now?​tl;dr: Had a conversation about hook-ups and said I only cared about my hook-up's body. Friend of mine thinks I'm sexist for that, I think I'm being reasonable. What do I do?
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