Help Talking to Partner with Increasingly Controlling OCD?

Using a throwaway as I’m not looking to blast anything private or shame anyone, just want some genuine thoughts on communicating about my partners OCD with them and would like some insight:

I (F 29) just moved in with my partner (NB 30) of 7 years just before all of this lockdown stuff occurred; we lived on opposite sides of the state beforehand. I love them dearly and we have been through a lot together but now that we’re in a shared environment in a high period of stress their OCD has gone from being something I was aware of to something that overshadows daily interactions. The thing is that they used to make really specific requests that I went with for a variety of reasons, from being respectful to being supportive but now they’ve escalated to a point where it feels really controlling.

They’ve always asked more of me than other people, I have to wash my hands constantly going in and out of their space, I have to wash my clothes separately from theirs and can’t sit near their spot on the couch. I’m not allowed to touch their personal furniture at all honestly, and don’t get me started on electronic devices. They monitor how I wash my hands and often make me rewash my hands to the point of skin cracking.

I don’t consider myself a dirty person, I shower and wash daily, wash at reasonable intervals, and have overall good hygiene, in fact better than theirs at times. I understand that OCD isn’t about logic but the way my partner talks about me, especially lately, makes me feel personally disgusting, like I must be gross. I personally deal with some mental health issues so I’ve tried to be supportive but I’m starting to think I have enabled them to an extent where they are now really controlling and get actively mad at me when I don’t do exactly as they say.

To make matters worse they refuse to talk to a doctor and get any help with their urges. I don’t know what to do, I love my partner but I also don’t want to let them make me feel this way and was hoping for some advice on how to talk to them about this while staying supportive.

I also have a feeling that in a time when things are very chaotic and more stressful for cleanliness, they are reaching for more feelings of control but it’s not really appropriate to try and exert that control over another person to feel better. I’m more than willing to agree to a moderate schedule of things or make a habit of certain things but how do I discuss drawing a line?

TL;DR Partner with untreated OCD is becoming controlling and I want to create boundaries that are fair for both of us without hurting their feelings.

Submitted April 24, 2020 at 11:53PM

Using a throwaway as I’m not looking to blast anything private or shame anyone, just want some genuine thoughts on communicating about my partners OCD with them and would like some insight:I (F 29) just moved in with my partner (NB 30) of 7 years just before all of this lockdown stuff occurred; we lived on opposite sides of the state beforehand. I love them dearly and we have been through a lot together but now that we’re in a shared environment in a high period of stress their OCD has gone from being something I was aware of to something that overshadows daily interactions. The thing is that they used to make really specific requests that I went with for a variety of reasons, from being respectful to being supportive but now they’ve escalated to a point where it feels really controlling.They’ve always asked more of me than other people, I have to wash my hands constantly going in and out of their space, I have to wash my clothes separately from theirs and can’t sit near their spot on the couch. I’m not allowed to touch their personal furniture at all honestly, and don’t get me started on electronic devices. They monitor how I wash my hands and often make me rewash my hands to the point of skin cracking.I don’t consider myself a dirty person, I shower and wash daily, wash at reasonable intervals, and have overall good hygiene, in fact better than theirs at times. I understand that OCD isn’t about logic but the way my partner talks about me, especially lately, makes me feel personally disgusting, like I must be gross. I personally deal with some mental health issues so I’ve tried to be supportive but I’m starting to think I have enabled them to an extent where they are now really controlling and get actively mad at me when I don’t do exactly as they say.To make matters worse they refuse to talk to a doctor and get any help with their urges. I don’t know what to do, I love my partner but I also don’t want to let them make me feel this way and was hoping for some advice on how to talk to them about this while staying supportive.I also have a feeling that in a time when things are very chaotic and more stressful for cleanliness, they are reaching for more feelings of control but it’s not really appropriate to try and exert that control over another person to feel better. I’m more than willing to agree to a moderate schedule of things or make a habit of certain things but how do I discuss drawing a line?TL;DR Partner with untreated OCD is becoming controlling and I want to create boundaries that are fair for both of us without hurting their feelings.