I [22f] feel like my relationship w/ SO [24m] is in a rut

Hey guys! So I [22f] have been dating my SO [24m] for ~5 years now and it feels like we've hit a rut! We've just moved in together ~1year ago and things have been going downhill ever since. Initially I was chalking it up to my education being time consuming (graduate student) and his job (firefighter) being just as easily consuming for his time/mental wellbeing. We unfortunately are on opposite schedules due to his job and hardly get to see each other. Lately when we do, it's not uncommon for him to be short/snippy with me. For a while I was excusing it as having to do with his work and it taking a slight toll on him. Now it's gotten to the point where it makes me not want to say anything from fear of saying/doing something wrong. We also hit a point where we just had no sex or intimacy for almost 6 months; now it's 1x every 1-2 months.... so I'm definitely having a lot of "me time" as a result. So, to surprise him (and try to help things along) I bought some new lingerie and wore it to the bedroom! I definitely got some response, but not as much as I guess I would've liked to. I guess I'm just at a loss for what's going on or how to improve things. I've been meaning to have a talk with him but 1. I have no idea where/how to start this conversation; 2. Our schedules are making it difficult to do it; 3. I've had my own health problems going on that have just made me a mess of tears. I feel like if I express that it feels like he's falling out of love with me, he'll either validate this or make me feel silly for ever feeling that way. Any advice on how to go about starting this talk? Or even climbing out of this rut? Have others experienced similar things after moving in together or being together for a subjectively long time?

TLDR; Relationship not doing well after moving in together, intimacy has ↓ and SO's behavior has changed. How to address this, get out of it?



Submitted February 03, 2020 at 10:32PM

Hey guys! So I [22f] have been dating my SO [24m] for ~5 years now and it feels like we've hit a rut! We've just moved in together ~1year ago and things have been going downhill ever since. Initially I was chalking it up to my education being time consuming (graduate student) and his job (firefighter) being just as easily consuming for his time/mental wellbeing. We unfortunately are on opposite schedules due to his job and hardly get to see each other. Lately when we do, it's not uncommon for him to be short/snippy with me. For a while I was excusing it as having to do with his work and it taking a slight toll on him. Now it's gotten to the point where it makes me not want to say anything from fear of saying/doing something wrong. We also hit a point where we just had no sex or intimacy for almost 6 months; now it's 1x every 1-2 months.... so I'm definitely having a lot of "me time" as a result. So, to surprise him (and try to help things along) I bought some new lingerie and wore it to the bedroom! I definitely got some response, but not as much as I guess I would've liked to. I guess I'm just at a loss for what's going on or how to improve things. I've been meaning to have a talk with him but 1. I have no idea where/how to start this conversation; 2. Our schedules are making it difficult to do it; 3. I've had my own health problems going on that have just made me a mess of tears. I feel like if I express that it feels like he's falling out of love with me, he'll either validate this or make me feel silly for ever feeling that way. Any advice on how to go about starting this talk? Or even climbing out of this rut? Have others experienced similar things after moving in together or being together for a subjectively long time?TLDR; Relationship not doing well after moving in together, intimacy has ↓ and SO's behavior has changed. How to address this, get out of it?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more