I [18F] Feel Like Stepmom Changed my Dad [49M]

My parents split up when I was around nine-ish, my mom went through her cycle of lovers while my dad actually stayed single up until I was seventeen. Then he met my stepmom, marrying her after six months of dating.

My dad used to say how much he didn't want to re-marry and we used to hang out often, our relationship used to be a lot stronger. I went to him when I was having problems with my mom and I felt safe with him, like how most people should feel with their dad. Now, I wasn't the best child. Around 12, I started to treasure going on the internet more than hanging around with other people (including family). This caused fights and for me to dig myself deeper into isolation. Some part of me feels like this current situation is my fault.

When he started dating my stepmom (eventually marrying), my dad completely changed. I was kind of okay with my stepmom when I first met her, she was a bit too extroverted for my liking but I didn't really mind her as a person. But now it feels like she has my dad wrapped around her finger. My dad does everything for her with a drop of the hat. (Context: she runs a preschool and my dad goes out of his way to do hard landscaping labor for free for her, he bought her a flat screen TV, a keurig, and other stuff without a problem, and sold his house (that was supposed to be in my name) to move in with her. ) My dad never splurged so much money willingly before. He also buys a lot of things for my stepsiblings (he bought a rabbit for my stepsister). My stepmom was trying to get me to move in with them and share a bunk bed with my stepsister [9], but I really didn't want to. I mean, it's kind of weird to be pretty much alone for most of your life only to be thrown into sharing a room with a rowdy nine-year-old. My stepmom looked offended and demanded my dad what to do, only for me to have a very one-sided conversation with my dad on how I was being selfish (then i cried when he left). Any time I'm over at their house, i see how much of a better family they looked without me, causing me to isolate myself from them and not want to associate with them. It was like my dad was replacing me for a new family.

I actually got into a fight with him when I told him (over text) to be with his new family, and then my stepmom texted me that do I really want to put my dad through court when I was seventeen to see me.

My dad tries to get me to hang out with him, but it usually ends up with either my stepmom, my stepsiblings, both, or talking about them. It's like talking to a stranger about your family and I kind of except the fact that I was the stranger. I find expressing your feelings and being emotionally vulnerable weird (grew up with emotional abuse lmao), so I find it very difficult to take my feelings seriously and constantly joke about how my dad doesn't want me and so and so. (I made my teacher cry in an essay bc I didn't see my dad for christmas and put down pretty much what i put on here). If I try to talk to him, he brings up the fact that I don't try while he does. And brings up that I would rather be on the internet than with him.

He also acts drunk most of the time? He acts a certain kind of stupid when he's drunk, but he's like this every time I see him (he married a wine drunk).

I don't know if you all need to know these bits: but my dad committed tax fraud in order to pay for his wedding with her. My mom was supposed to claim me, but he claimed me (twice in a row) and she's furious with him (and hates my stepmom). Another thing is that I was going through a dark moment during sophomore and junior year and I tried to kill myself, someone told my dad that I did and then he proceeded to tell me that I was making up stories. It's probably not relevant to this, but it hurt me.

Am I being selfish for being closed off? I was also going through some times in school, so I was emotionally closed off to everything. I don't know what to do anymore and I wonder if I'll go on with life without seeing my dad and then eventually getting nothing from him because it went to my stepmom, only memories before this. I sound pretty entitled here lol. Maybe I'll delete this later, idk.

tl;dr: dad got married, feels like he replaced me with new family and now idk who this person is

Submitted February 03, 2020 at 10:45PM

My parents split up when I was around nine-ish, my mom went through her cycle of lovers while my dad actually stayed single up until I was seventeen. Then he met my stepmom, marrying her after six months of dating.My dad used to say how much he didn't want to re-marry and we used to hang out often, our relationship used to be a lot stronger. I went to him when I was having problems with my mom and I felt safe with him, like how most people should feel with their dad. Now, I wasn't the best child. Around 12, I started to treasure going on the internet more than hanging around with other people (including family). This caused fights and for me to dig myself deeper into isolation. Some part of me feels like this current situation is my fault.When he started dating my stepmom (eventually marrying), my dad completely changed. I was kind of okay with my stepmom when I first met her, she was a bit too extroverted for my liking but I didn't really mind her as a person. But now it feels like she has my dad wrapped around her finger. My dad does everything for her with a drop of the hat. (Context: she runs a preschool and my dad goes out of his way to do hard landscaping labor for free for her, he bought her a flat screen TV, a keurig, and other stuff without a problem, and sold his house (that was supposed to be in my name) to move in with her. ) My dad never splurged so much money willingly before. He also buys a lot of things for my stepsiblings (he bought a rabbit for my stepsister). My stepmom was trying to get me to move in with them and share a bunk bed with my stepsister [9], but I really didn't want to. I mean, it's kind of weird to be pretty much alone for most of your life only to be thrown into sharing a room with a rowdy nine-year-old. My stepmom looked offended and demanded my dad what to do, only for me to have a very one-sided conversation with my dad on how I was being selfish (then i cried when he left). Any time I'm over at their house, i see how much of a better family they looked without me, causing me to isolate myself from them and not want to associate with them. It was like my dad was replacing me for a new family.I actually got into a fight with him when I told him (over text) to be with his new family, and then my stepmom texted me that do I really want to put my dad through court when I was seventeen to see me.My dad tries to get me to hang out with him, but it usually ends up with either my stepmom, my stepsiblings, both, or talking about them. It's like talking to a stranger about your family and I kind of except the fact that I was the stranger. I find expressing your feelings and being emotionally vulnerable weird (grew up with emotional abuse lmao), so I find it very difficult to take my feelings seriously and constantly joke about how my dad doesn't want me and so and so. (I made my teacher cry in an essay bc I didn't see my dad for christmas and put down pretty much what i put on here). If I try to talk to him, he brings up the fact that I don't try while he does. And brings up that I would rather be on the internet than with him.He also acts drunk most of the time? He acts a certain kind of stupid when he's drunk, but he's like this every time I see him (he married a wine drunk).I don't know if you all need to know these bits: but my dad committed tax fraud in order to pay for his wedding with her. My mom was supposed to claim me, but he claimed me (twice in a row) and she's furious with him (and hates my stepmom). Another thing is that I was going through a dark moment during sophomore and junior year and I tried to kill myself, someone told my dad that I did and then he proceeded to tell me that I was making up stories. It's probably not relevant to this, but it hurt me.Am I being selfish for being closed off? I was also going through some times in school, so I was emotionally closed off to everything. I don't know what to do anymore and I wonder if I'll go on with life without seeing my dad and then eventually getting nothing from him because it went to my stepmom, only memories before this. I sound pretty entitled here lol. Maybe I'll delete this later, idk.tl;dr: dad got married, feels like he replaced me with new family and now idk who this person is