Accidentally broke up with a girl I was dating. Want her back.

Hello everyone, this is a long story so will do my best to explain it all.

I started dating a girl 2.5 months ago where we knew each other from a few common areas in our life / common friends. The first month things were going great, high interest on both ends and she would setup dates as well. We would see each other 1-2 times a week and mostly used the phone for settings dates in-between but a few meaningful conversations. Every date was elaborate / thoughtful / fun while we built deep connections quick (could easily talk together for hours. Only odd thing was we did not have sex because she had some issues down there healing (tried to get details but was still vague), so I did my best to respect that and I keep sexual tension high in other ways.

The second month, things started to change. I noticed she was acting different (this was the week her ex reached out to her), in which she said she was going through personal things. I told her I was there for her but ended up giving her space. This entire month, I had to do all of the initiating and setting up dates. A few times she took 1-2 days to reply for setting up plans. I noticed she started to not always be quite there in person and at times did not care or reciprocate feelings. She was very hot and cold but never declined a date. When I started to notice this, I started to back away to give her space.

*Backstory about the Ex* She had a serious breakup where the guy was going to propose to her. He broke it off with a very short notice because he was moving to grad school. From multiple sources and her friends, they said she was not over her ex and she doesn't not know what she wants right now. They told me about some red flags and it's best that this whole situation happened.

Fast forwarding to the end, was the week of my birthday and I had multiple plans with different friend groups. I planned something out with her a few weeks prior to this. My first set of plans were a boys night at the bar. My friends got me drunk for my birthday (which getting drunk is extremely rare for me and she knows this). She ended up showing up (completely sober) with her friends since this was a very common college bar we both go to. She came up to me to say hi and happy birthday, she was there for her friends birthday.

I started to try to dance with her but it seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me, I tried to ask her a few times what was going on with no answer. She then left, and I ended up running after her down the street to see what was going on and she said "I don't deal with drunks, go back to your friends", while speeding off and leaving me at the curb. I went back inside to ask her friends if everything was okay with her and that I was lost. Her friends said that she was going through a lot and still had feelings for her ex. Then I got a somewhat mean text saying "Leave my friends alone, take the night for yourself" . I texted her back just saying "I am sorry, just trying to find clarity on what's going on, did not mean to bug your friends". I tried to call her and she just ignored me.

At this point, I was confused, hurt, and frustrated. All of the signs of low interest, her blowing me off on my birthday, the idea of her still having feelings for her ex made me assume she did not want anything to do with me at this point. So I sent her a text when I was still recovering and still not quite myself yet when I got home saying " I think its best if we end things, I wish you the best"

She replied in the morning saying she was hurt and upset because we could have simply of talked about it the next day. (This is where I know I messed up completely). I told her that I did not want to breakup and that I just thought she wanted nothing to do with me and that I was hurt because of that night. She then said I had no reason to think that she was not interested. After a few texts saying I was sorry and trying to get on the same page with her, I got her to talk in person.

We talked in person for a final time, and I completely owned up to where I went wrong and was very apologetic about ending things. I heard her side of things and saw where she was coming from, I knew she was upset and hurt. I tried to explain my side of things but she would not just listen and tried to debate that I was wrong. I asked her if she was willing to fix things because all this was just a communication problem and bad timing. She did not want to because she felt abanonded and she had this happen to her in the past. She then asked to be friends but I had to refuse because I had feelings for her and that is unfair for both of us. I told her if she changed her mind, to reach out and wished her the best. She ended up wishing me happy birthday but I did not reply (this was our last interaction).

My goal is to get her back, although I never do this... I am planning on taking the month to myself while dating others. Some mutual friends will talk to her in a few weeks to see where she is at but not mention me wanting her back.

My thoughts, she started to lose interest towards the end because she knew she had me. She was still not completely over the ex or I could not replace those feelings, resulting in her being unsure. She saw this as an opportunity for an easy way out and she can easily move on without ending it herself.

Submitted February 11, 2020 at 12:22AM

Hello everyone, this is a long story so will do my best to explain it all.I started dating a girl 2.5 months ago where we knew each other from a few common areas in our life / common friends. The first month things were going great, high interest on both ends and she would setup dates as well. We would see each other 1-2 times a week and mostly used the phone for settings dates in-between but a few meaningful conversations. Every date was elaborate / thoughtful / fun while we built deep connections quick (could easily talk together for hours. Only odd thing was we did not have sex because she had some issues down there healing (tried to get details but was still vague), so I did my best to respect that and I keep sexual tension high in other ways.The second month, things started to change. I noticed she was acting different (this was the week her ex reached out to her), in which she said she was going through personal things. I told her I was there for her but ended up giving her space. This entire month, I had to do all of the initiating and setting up dates. A few times she took 1-2 days to reply for setting up plans. I noticed she started to not always be quite there in person and at times did not care or reciprocate feelings. She was very hot and cold but never declined a date. When I started to notice this, I started to back away to give her space.*Backstory about the Ex* She had a serious breakup where the guy was going to propose to her. He broke it off with a very short notice because he was moving to grad school. From multiple sources and her friends, they said she was not over her ex and she doesn't not know what she wants right now. They told me about some red flags and it's best that this whole situation happened.Fast forwarding to the end, was the week of my birthday and I had multiple plans with different friend groups. I planned something out with her a few weeks prior to this. My first set of plans were a boys night at the bar. My friends got me drunk for my birthday (which getting drunk is extremely rare for me and she knows this). She ended up showing up (completely sober) with her friends since this was a very common college bar we both go to. She came up to me to say hi and happy birthday, she was there for her friends birthday.I started to try to dance with her but it seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me, I tried to ask her a few times what was going on with no answer. She then left, and I ended up running after her down the street to see what was going on and she said "I don't deal with drunks, go back to your friends", while speeding off and leaving me at the curb. I went back inside to ask her friends if everything was okay with her and that I was lost. Her friends said that she was going through a lot and still had feelings for her ex. Then I got a somewhat mean text saying "Leave my friends alone, take the night for yourself" . I texted her back just saying "I am sorry, just trying to find clarity on what's going on, did not mean to bug your friends". I tried to call her and she just ignored me.At this point, I was confused, hurt, and frustrated. All of the signs of low interest, her blowing me off on my birthday, the idea of her still having feelings for her ex made me assume she did not want anything to do with me at this point. So I sent her a text when I was still recovering and still not quite myself yet when I got home saying " I think its best if we end things, I wish you the best"She replied in the morning saying she was hurt and upset because we could have simply of talked about it the next day. (This is where I know I messed up completely). I told her that I did not want to breakup and that I just thought she wanted nothing to do with me and that I was hurt because of that night. She then said I had no reason to think that she was not interested. After a few texts saying I was sorry and trying to get on the same page with her, I got her to talk in person.We talked in person for a final time, and I completely owned up to where I went wrong and was very apologetic about ending things. I heard her side of things and saw where she was coming from, I knew she was upset and hurt. I tried to explain my side of things but she would not just listen and tried to debate that I was wrong. I asked her if she was willing to fix things because all this was just a communication problem and bad timing. She did not want to because she felt abanonded and she had this happen to her in the past. She then asked to be friends but I had to refuse because I had feelings for her and that is unfair for both of us. I told her if she changed her mind, to reach out and wished her the best. She ended up wishing me happy birthday but I did not reply (this was our last interaction).My goal is to get her back, although I never do this... I am planning on taking the month to myself while dating others. Some mutual friends will talk to her in a few weeks to see where she is at but not mention me wanting her back.My thoughts, she started to lose interest towards the end because she knew she had me. She was still not completely over the ex or I could not replace those feelings, resulting in her being unsure. She saw this as an opportunity for an easy way out and she can easily move on without ending it herself.