requesting advice on rekindling sexlife

So, I am engaged and we have been having a lot of fights lately over how little we have sex. She does not feel as connected to me as before because we are not having as much sex, and that she does not want to initiate it herself all the time, and that she wants me to go down more often.

There is a reason I have not been initiating or going down and it is a reason that I don't know how to talk to her about because it is her biggest insecurity.

Since we have been together, she has gained a lot of weight, and doesn't try to do anything about it or anything to combat it. When she comes home she just sits around on her phone and does not want to do ANYTHING physically exerting with me, when I try to invite her and encourage her to go with me when I work out or go walking or ride my bike etc., she just wants to "relax" because she is exhausted from working a desk job. I understand this can be mentally exhausting, but its a very sedentary job.

Anyways, I have trouble with being as sexually attracted to her since shes gained weight, and going down is a huge turn off for me because of the weight gain. And even though I love her and would never want to leave her, I do not know how to talk to her about i since it is such a sensitive subject.

​

My questions are:

am I wrong for feeling this way?

It makes me feel like an asshole and I've tried to look past it and keep our sex life alive, but its becoming an issue and causing us to fight ALOT.

And how can I talk to her about this or bring it up without destroying her emotionally?

Please help.



Submitted January 29, 2020 at 11:56PM

So, I am engaged and we have been having a lot of fights lately over how little we have sex. She does not feel as connected to me as before because we are not having as much sex, and that she does not want to initiate it herself all the time, and that she wants me to go down more often.There is a reason I have not been initiating or going down and it is a reason that I don't know how to talk to her about because it is her biggest insecurity.Since we have been together, she has gained a lot of weight, and doesn't try to do anything about it or anything to combat it. When she comes home she just sits around on her phone and does not want to do ANYTHING physically exerting with me, when I try to invite her and encourage her to go with me when I work out or go walking or ride my bike etc., she just wants to "relax" because she is exhausted from working a desk job. I understand this can be mentally exhausting, but its a very sedentary job.Anyways, I have trouble with being as sexually attracted to her since shes gained weight, and going down is a huge turn off for me because of the weight gain. And even though I love her and would never want to leave her, I do not know how to talk to her about i since it is such a sensitive subject.​My questions are:am I wrong for feeling this way?It makes me feel like an asshole and I've tried to look past it and keep our sex life alive, but its becoming an issue and causing us to fight ALOT.And how can I talk to her about this or bring it up without destroying her emotionally?Please help.
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