I (27F) just broke up with my (24M)bf, and idk what to do next

Hey

What a way to start the new year...

I broke up with my bf of almost 4 years a few hours ago, b/c I just cant stand how hes irresponsible, always coming up with excuses rather than owning up/apologizing, and just doesnt seem to want to grow up. This year was tough and miserable for both of us. The fight we had was over something incredibly stupid, but it was enough to show me that if I continue to just let things go the way they are, it'll just be another 2019 for me/us.

I feel anxious over how incredibly calm I am about it. I cant tell if its b/c I'm so numb over the situation or it hasnt hit me yet.

I know I'm sad. I still love him so much... I wanted to marry him. But he has hurt me too much for me to want to beg for him back or anything.

I feel bad b/c it happened over text. But everytime I called to talk a screaming match would happen and hed hang up.

I'm scared well just be whatever about it and get back together. But despite how much I love him, I dont want that; i dont want to be really back together until we both get our shit together. I'd be okay with an open relationship maybe, but I think that's more of the side of me fearing to be alone.

What sucks is we live together with our 3rd roomie. I can't rly move out and live alone, and he cant move back home. Adjusting to that is going to suck.

I'm just bleh.

Any kind advice or something to think on would be nice.

TL;DR I just broke with my bf of almost 4 years, it feels great but also is a bit terrifying. I'm a mix of heartbroken and numb. I'm not sure what to do now.



Submitted January 03, 2020 at 12:02AM

HeyWhat a way to start the new year...I broke up with my bf of almost 4 years a few hours ago, b/c I just cant stand how hes irresponsible, always coming up with excuses rather than owning up/apologizing, and just doesnt seem to want to grow up. This year was tough and miserable for both of us. The fight we had was over something incredibly stupid, but it was enough to show me that if I continue to just let things go the way they are, it'll just be another 2019 for me/us.I feel anxious over how incredibly calm I am about it. I cant tell if its b/c I'm so numb over the situation or it hasnt hit me yet.I know I'm sad. I still love him so much... I wanted to marry him. But he has hurt me too much for me to want to beg for him back or anything.I feel bad b/c it happened over text. But everytime I called to talk a screaming match would happen and hed hang up.I'm scared well just be whatever about it and get back together. But despite how much I love him, I dont want that; i dont want to be really back together until we both get our shit together. I'd be okay with an open relationship maybe, but I think that's more of the side of me fearing to be alone.What sucks is we live together with our 3rd roomie. I can't rly move out and live alone, and he cant move back home. Adjusting to that is going to suck.I'm just bleh.Any kind advice or something to think on would be nice.TL;DR I just broke with my bf of almost 4 years, it feels great but also is a bit terrifying. I'm a mix of heartbroken and numb. I'm not sure what to do now.
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