Post Emotionally Abusive Relationship Advice

I'm (F 29) recently out of a long term, emotionally abusive relationship and am about three months single. I started seeing this guy about a month ago, wasn't looking for anything serious but have started feeling a real connection with him. We hit it off pretty immediately, and have been seeing each other consistently for the last little while. He's wonderful, completely different from my ex in the most positive of ways, super emotionally available and shares a lot of similar traumas and relationship history as I do. We have had some good, open conversations about both of our history (relationship and familial) and he has been really mindful to not push me or pressurize where we are heading. I've been open with him after we both shared that we were super into one another, saying that I didn't want to rush into relationship territory before I was ready. He understood and has continued to show me that he is understanding of my situation and that he's not going anywhere. When we first started seeing each other, we would be constantly texting and talking throughout the day in a really engaging and fun way. Since then, I have started feeling like he's recoiled a little bit - our convos are less engaging, less frequent and I feel like I am the one who is asking a lot of the prompts and getting a different energy back. I guess I'm concerned that I've been a bit confusing to him, after letting him know that I was really into him and wanted to see him all the time and in the same breath saying that I want to take it slow. I feel him pulling back when we're getting intimate, and am having a hard time discerning wether it's because he is trying to be copasetic to my healing, or if he is becoming disengaged. Looking for advice, or if someone has experienced a similar path after emotional abuse and understanding what a "normal" relationship trajectory looks like - right now it feels like I have no idea. Thanks for reading.



Submitted December 27, 2019 at 11:51PM

I'm (F 29) recently out of a long term, emotionally abusive relationship and am about three months single. I started seeing this guy about a month ago, wasn't looking for anything serious but have started feeling a real connection with him. We hit it off pretty immediately, and have been seeing each other consistently for the last little while. He's wonderful, completely different from my ex in the most positive of ways, super emotionally available and shares a lot of similar traumas and relationship history as I do. We have had some good, open conversations about both of our history (relationship and familial) and he has been really mindful to not push me or pressurize where we are heading. I've been open with him after we both shared that we were super into one another, saying that I didn't want to rush into relationship territory before I was ready. He understood and has continued to show me that he is understanding of my situation and that he's not going anywhere. When we first started seeing each other, we would be constantly texting and talking throughout the day in a really engaging and fun way. Since then, I have started feeling like he's recoiled a little bit - our convos are less engaging, less frequent and I feel like I am the one who is asking a lot of the prompts and getting a different energy back. I guess I'm concerned that I've been a bit confusing to him, after letting him know that I was really into him and wanted to see him all the time and in the same breath saying that I want to take it slow. I feel him pulling back when we're getting intimate, and am having a hard time discerning wether it's because he is trying to be copasetic to my healing, or if he is becoming disengaged. Looking for advice, or if someone has experienced a similar path after emotional abuse and understanding what a "normal" relationship trajectory looks like - right now it feels like I have no idea. Thanks for reading.
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