Can I [25F] say no to my cousin's [26F] bridesmaid request?

I just got word that my cousin is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding next week. I love my cousin and we were very close growing up. We grew into two different people and have almost nothing in common, but I still love her, truly like her fiance, and support her marriage.

I really really don't want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding though. For starters I live across the country from my whole family. I work for an airline and fly for free (space available lol) but still it takes time to get over there.

My schedule is generally very flexible but her wedding is 3 days before Christmas in 2020. The holidays are a very busy season for my profession. I cannot request days off in advance and have to hope I can move my off days around. Generally it's possible to get the days off I want (like this year I took off for Christmas) but I never know for sure. I will only have my December scheduled finalized on November 25th. It is very stressful that I will not know if i have the day off until 1 month before the wedding.

I'm in 2 other weddings in 2020. Side note is that I'm single and pretty bitter about it, lol. I know it's my problem to deal with but at the same time it's not easy for me to grin and bear it and watch people (including my younger sister) get married when I can't seem to keep a relationship. (Mostly due to my own career and lifestyle choices but still).

Can I say no gracefully?! Will it be deeply offensive to her? I love her and do not want to damage our relationship long term. She has lots of female friends but no sisters and I am the only relative she is asking. She is a very kind person and I do not want to hurt her. I think my aunt would be hurt as well.

Tldr: my cousin is asking me to be in her wedding. I dont really have a good reason. I just don't want to do it. Can I decline gracefully or should I just suck it up?



Submitted December 28, 2019 at 12:06AM

I just got word that my cousin is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding next week. I love my cousin and we were very close growing up. We grew into two different people and have almost nothing in common, but I still love her, truly like her fiance, and support her marriage.I really really don't want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding though. For starters I live across the country from my whole family. I work for an airline and fly for free (space available lol) but still it takes time to get over there.My schedule is generally very flexible but her wedding is 3 days before Christmas in 2020. The holidays are a very busy season for my profession. I cannot request days off in advance and have to hope I can move my off days around. Generally it's possible to get the days off I want (like this year I took off for Christmas) but I never know for sure. I will only have my December scheduled finalized on November 25th. It is very stressful that I will not know if i have the day off until 1 month before the wedding.I'm in 2 other weddings in 2020. Side note is that I'm single and pretty bitter about it, lol. I know it's my problem to deal with but at the same time it's not easy for me to grin and bear it and watch people (including my younger sister) get married when I can't seem to keep a relationship. (Mostly due to my own career and lifestyle choices but still).Can I say no gracefully?! Will it be deeply offensive to her? I love her and do not want to damage our relationship long term. She has lots of female friends but no sisters and I am the only relative she is asking. She is a very kind person and I do not want to hurt her. I think my aunt would be hurt as well.Tldr: my cousin is asking me to be in her wedding. I dont really have a good reason. I just don't want to do it. Can I decline gracefully or should I just suck it up?
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