My [25F] mum [60F] wants me to come to her Christmas lunch, I don't want to but she says it might my grandmother's last one

My mum is begging me to come to Christmas (she was working Christmas day) but I don't want to. In her latest text she said it could be our grandma's last one and I don't know what to do.

My mother used to choke and hit me as a kid and kicked me out at 16, I don't feel attached and come to things because I know it hurts her when I don't. But even now sometimes we have conversation that leave me with a bad taste, such as her making light of her past abuse, or bringing up how I hit her (somehow twisted in her mind?) when the last time she did something I held up her arms and asked her to stop. Of course normally its just a few hours and it's over, I don't usually see her bad sides anymore.

Despite that, I dread spending time with her. What do I do? Should I really go? For my grandma?

TLDR; Don't enjoy time with my mother, but feel bad if it is grandmas last Christmas, should I go to lunch today?



Submitted December 29, 2019 at 12:01AM

My mum is begging me to come to Christmas (she was working Christmas day) but I don't want to. In her latest text she said it could be our grandma's last one and I don't know what to do.My mother used to choke and hit me as a kid and kicked me out at 16, I don't feel attached and come to things because I know it hurts her when I don't. But even now sometimes we have conversation that leave me with a bad taste, such as her making light of her past abuse, or bringing up how I hit her (somehow twisted in her mind?) when the last time she did something I held up her arms and asked her to stop. Of course normally its just a few hours and it's over, I don't usually see her bad sides anymore.Despite that, I dread spending time with her. What do I do? Should I really go? For my grandma?TLDR; Don't enjoy time with my mother, but feel bad if it is grandmas last Christmas, should I go to lunch today?
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