I (23M) was interested in a girl (20F) from university for a while, but the whole time I knew her she was in a relationship. She's recently single, but we now live in different countries. How should I approach her with the idea of dating?

The story is as follows: I knew this girl from going to university (same major, different years), and I thought she was absolutely beautiful from the moment I met her. From her first day at school guys were flocking to her, and I had low self esteem and just thought that if I approached her I would be one more guy among dozens.

I've probably known her for 4-5 years at this point, and while I wouldn't consider us good friends, we have hung out before in group settings, so there definitely is a mutual friendship. I never gave her any hints that I was interested in her (yes I was probably an idiot) and for maybe 85% of the time we have known each other she had 2 boyfriends.

At the end of last year (Dec 2019) I left the country that we were both going to school in and moved back to the country where my family and sister live. Maybe two weeks ago I thought "fuck it" and replied to her Instagram story of a selfie and just said that she looked gorgeous or something like that. She replied “thank you 😍😍”. So I continued and asked straight up if she was still dating, to which she replied no, and that that was an interesting question. We traded a few other messages and then reached a natural ending point in the conversation. I only replied to one other story but otherwise we haven't talked.

I have always genuinely had interest in this girl, and I have plans to travel back to the country to see my friends and extended family again. I would be willing to go long distance for her. I am not in a place personally where I want to just mess around anymore, I want something genuine and real.

How should I approach messaging her about this? Like I said, we haven't really talked, and I don't want to waste both of our times by just "texting" with it not going anywhere, especially since she lives in a college town and it wouldn't be surprising if she started dating somebody soon. Any other tips or questions are welcome for clarification.



Submitted December 29, 2019 at 12:04AM

The story is as follows: I knew this girl from going to university (same major, different years), and I thought she was absolutely beautiful from the moment I met her. From her first day at school guys were flocking to her, and I had low self esteem and just thought that if I approached her I would be one more guy among dozens.I've probably known her for 4-5 years at this point, and while I wouldn't consider us good friends, we have hung out before in group settings, so there definitely is a mutual friendship. I never gave her any hints that I was interested in her (yes I was probably an idiot) and for maybe 85% of the time we have known each other she had 2 boyfriends.At the end of last year (Dec 2019) I left the country that we were both going to school in and moved back to the country where my family and sister live. Maybe two weeks ago I thought "fuck it" and replied to her Instagram story of a selfie and just said that she looked gorgeous or something like that. She replied “thank you 😍😍”. So I continued and asked straight up if she was still dating, to which she replied no, and that that was an interesting question. We traded a few other messages and then reached a natural ending point in the conversation. I only replied to one other story but otherwise we haven't talked.I have always genuinely had interest in this girl, and I have plans to travel back to the country to see my friends and extended family again. I would be willing to go long distance for her. I am not in a place personally where I want to just mess around anymore, I want something genuine and real.How should I approach messaging her about this? Like I said, we haven't really talked, and I don't want to waste both of our times by just "texting" with it not going anywhere, especially since she lives in a college town and it wouldn't be surprising if she started dating somebody soon. Any other tips or questions are welcome for clarification.
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