Am I (F22) too young for engagement? Or am I overthinking everything.

Hello everyone! Coming here today with a question that I feel is kinda controversial, but I’d love any insight and advice to help me out. I apologize in advance because this will be long.

So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M23) for over 4 years now. We met in college, I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Dated faithfully the entire time, and while we’ve had a few bumps in the road it’s mostly been pretty smooth sailing. There have been some times where I wonder if we’re compatible long term (we have pretty different hobbies/interests, but it’s nothing too major) but for the most part he’s pretty awesome and I’ve just shrugged those feelings off as normal feelings people get once they hit a certain point in a LTR, and have those “grass is greener” thoughts. Overall, he’s really great, we’re on the same page with each other, and we’re doing good.

We’re both graduated now, we live together, and we have a cute rescue pup. Life is good! And naturally, the next step we’ve thought about is marriage. I was very adamant that we have to live together for at least a year before we can get engaged, because I wanted to make sure we could live together without murdering each other. I also wanted to wait until we’ve experienced life in our careers outside of college together as well, because real life is not the same as college and I wanted to make sure we could endure those changes without becoming fundamentally different people. So far, things have been going great so obviously we’ve been discussing the idea of marriage more. I feel like there’s also some outside pressure because a lot of people we know our age have been getting engaged and also our families have been asking nonstop as well.

While I love my bf and I can see a future with him, I think the idea of me only being 22 is scary and I consistently hear people talking about how those who get engaged under 25 always end up divorcing, or those who marry their first “real” SO are stunting their growth, holding themselves back, etc. I also come from a family where my cousins all married when they were older, and the one that did get married at 23 got divorced by 26. So I feel like that doesn’t make me feel better. Timeline-wise, I would be 23 (him 24) when he proposed because I want him to wait at least 6 more months, then because I’m a teacher and he is new at his job and we don’t make a lot of money currently (lol) we probably wouldn’t get married until I was 25 (him 26).

I’m not really even sure what the point of this post is anymore and I feel like I’m just rambling but I just want to know Reddit, is getting engaged young as stupid as people say? Am I setting myself up for divorce in 10 years?? Or am I truly just really over analyzing this. Thanks in advance for reading this and any/all advice!

TL;DR: Wondering if getting engaged young is doomed to fail or if I’m overthinking everything about the whole situation.

Submitted December 29, 2019 at 12:10AM

Hello everyone! Coming here today with a question that I feel is kinda controversial, but I’d love any insight and advice to help me out. I apologize in advance because this will be long.So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M23) for over 4 years now. We met in college, I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Dated faithfully the entire time, and while we’ve had a few bumps in the road it’s mostly been pretty smooth sailing. There have been some times where I wonder if we’re compatible long term (we have pretty different hobbies/interests, but it’s nothing too major) but for the most part he’s pretty awesome and I’ve just shrugged those feelings off as normal feelings people get once they hit a certain point in a LTR, and have those “grass is greener” thoughts. Overall, he’s really great, we’re on the same page with each other, and we’re doing good.We’re both graduated now, we live together, and we have a cute rescue pup. Life is good! And naturally, the next step we’ve thought about is marriage. I was very adamant that we have to live together for at least a year before we can get engaged, because I wanted to make sure we could live together without murdering each other. I also wanted to wait until we’ve experienced life in our careers outside of college together as well, because real life is not the same as college and I wanted to make sure we could endure those changes without becoming fundamentally different people. So far, things have been going great so obviously we’ve been discussing the idea of marriage more. I feel like there’s also some outside pressure because a lot of people we know our age have been getting engaged and also our families have been asking nonstop as well.While I love my bf and I can see a future with him, I think the idea of me only being 22 is scary and I consistently hear people talking about how those who get engaged under 25 always end up divorcing, or those who marry their first “real” SO are stunting their growth, holding themselves back, etc. I also come from a family where my cousins all married when they were older, and the one that did get married at 23 got divorced by 26. So I feel like that doesn’t make me feel better. Timeline-wise, I would be 23 (him 24) when he proposed because I want him to wait at least 6 more months, then because I’m a teacher and he is new at his job and we don’t make a lot of money currently (lol) we probably wouldn’t get married until I was 25 (him 26).I’m not really even sure what the point of this post is anymore and I feel like I’m just rambling but I just want to know Reddit, is getting engaged young as stupid as people say? Am I setting myself up for divorce in 10 years?? Or am I truly just really over analyzing this. Thanks in advance for reading this and any/all advice!TL;DR: Wondering if getting engaged young is doomed to fail or if I’m overthinking everything about the whole situation.