I don't want to have my husband's child, while our relationship is as it is...

My husband knows my Reddit account, so this is a throwaway.

I am 26 and my husband is 25. We have been married for 2 years and together for 5. He wants a baby, and I don't.

The truth is, I do want a child (just 1), but I need my husband to make a few changes in our lives before I'm willing to consider it. Right now, I am working 2 jobs (38 hours a week at 1 and 29 hours a week at the other) while my husband is working 1 job (24 hours a week). He does occasionally cook, but I do most of the meal planning and prepping. I also do the vast majority of cleaning.

I've been asking him to either get a full time job or a 2nd part time job for about 3 months now, and he just hasn't yet (he has filled out a few applications, but rarely does any kind of follow up). He does help around the house when asked, but I really have to get on him and "nag" about it (which I hate doing... I've NEVER wanted to be a naggy wife). I just can't imagine bringing a child into the mix when I know that the majority of responsibility would fall onto me. I genuinely don't know if I could handle it, on top of everything else. I'm just so exhausted, all of the time, as it is.

I do love my husband. So much. He is a truly great man in so many ways. He's honest, funny, kind, compassionate, respectful, romantic, creative, and just has the sweetest of hearts... He is just a very lazy procrastinator, as well. I love the idea of having a baby and building a family with him. I just need to know that he would be as committed to our financial wellbeing and cleanliness as I know that I'll have to be to our child, 1st. Right now, I just don't see that.

If we are being really blunt, I want a child... But I'd rather never have 1 than risk having 1 while these issues are consistent. And, at this point, I don't know that he'll ever change. I've never flat out said "I won't have your kids while this is how things are", but he definitely knows that I want him to help out more financially and around the house (and he is always so accommodating when I bring it up... It just never actually sticks or lasts more than a couple days). I just don't know what to do. Giving an ultimatum like that seems toxic and wrong... But it's genuinely how I feel... Is that unfair of me?

Thank you for letting me vent.

TL;DR- My husband works 1 job for 24 hours a week while I work 2 jobs for 67 hours a week, and rarely helps with the cooking/cleaning. He wants a baby, but I really don't until he starts helping more financially and around our home.

Submitted December 17, 2019 at 12:09AM

My husband knows my Reddit account, so this is a throwaway.I am 26 and my husband is 25. We have been married for 2 years and together for 5. He wants a baby, and I don't.The truth is, I do want a child (just 1), but I need my husband to make a few changes in our lives before I'm willing to consider it. Right now, I am working 2 jobs (38 hours a week at 1 and 29 hours a week at the other) while my husband is working 1 job (24 hours a week). He does occasionally cook, but I do most of the meal planning and prepping. I also do the vast majority of cleaning.I've been asking him to either get a full time job or a 2nd part time job for about 3 months now, and he just hasn't yet (he has filled out a few applications, but rarely does any kind of follow up). He does help around the house when asked, but I really have to get on him and "nag" about it (which I hate doing... I've NEVER wanted to be a naggy wife). I just can't imagine bringing a child into the mix when I know that the majority of responsibility would fall onto me. I genuinely don't know if I could handle it, on top of everything else. I'm just so exhausted, all of the time, as it is.I do love my husband. So much. He is a truly great man in so many ways. He's honest, funny, kind, compassionate, respectful, romantic, creative, and just has the sweetest of hearts... He is just a very lazy procrastinator, as well. I love the idea of having a baby and building a family with him. I just need to know that he would be as committed to our financial wellbeing and cleanliness as I know that I'll have to be to our child, 1st. Right now, I just don't see that.If we are being really blunt, I want a child... But I'd rather never have 1 than risk having 1 while these issues are consistent. And, at this point, I don't know that he'll ever change. I've never flat out said "I won't have your kids while this is how things are", but he definitely knows that I want him to help out more financially and around the house (and he is always so accommodating when I bring it up... It just never actually sticks or lasts more than a couple days). I just don't know what to do. Giving an ultimatum like that seems toxic and wrong... But it's genuinely how I feel... Is that unfair of me?Thank you for letting me vent.TL;DR- My husband works 1 job for 24 hours a week while I work 2 jobs for 67 hours a week, and rarely helps with the cooking/cleaning. He wants a baby, but I really don't until he starts helping more financially and around our home.