I [22 M] broke up with my girlfriend [22 F] (officially) ~8 months ago and I still think about her too much

tldr: Had a long ~1.5 yr long unhealthy relationship with 22F gf and she cheated on me 3 times (that I know of) that ended about 8 months ago. I thought I was over her, but I really am not sure. I think a relationship with someone new is the only thing that will help.

First I'd like to say that I'm not really sure that I'm looking for help or just a place to vent and write this out because I've annoyed my close friends with this too much. I know that I'm over her but I really just want the relationship (good parts) we had back.

We started dating at the beginning of the school year around October 2017. She was friends with a lot of my friends. When we started dating we were having a very physical relationship as well as connecting very well emotionally. Admittedly we both negatively affected each other's studies for the first couple months we were together but I quickly got my stuff together.

Summer came and she stayed at the University to take summer classes while I went home to work an internship, but I visited at least two weekends each month and things were still great. We met each other's parents and were very close. She failed most of her summer classes due to some mental health problems she was facing and was suspended from the University in the fall. I did my best to help her with this, but on top of worrying about my studies, extra curricular and other social stuff, she was under the impression I was not helping her enough and was "never there for her when she needed".

At this point I should have realized things were going very very poorly. Halloween rolls around and we had an argument. She leaves our group of friends to hangout with her friend staying with her from out of town. They both go to a guys apartment after the bars close and she cheats on me with the encouragement of her friend. We plan to talk the following Monday but I had things I needed to work on so we decide not to talk for a couple of days. She goes out drinking on a Wednesday and my friends run into her while shes hanging with a guy from work. She cheats on me that night as well.

We officially break up the next day and exchange belongings back. She does not tell me about the cheating. That same day she goes to hangout with our friends (who are closer to me than her) and tries to hookup with one of them as well as tells them shes slept with multiple other guys already (before we broke up). Obviously they decline. My friend tells me about this so I go to her house the next day to talk and confront her. She denies everything until I tell her that I know because my friends told me she told them, to which she finally admits and cries her heart out, but does not apologize.

We don't talk for a little over a month to which we drunkenly have a backslide and hookup. A couple weeks later she comes crying to me apologizing and begging to try again. Against all instincts and friends' advice, I concede. We date for another month and I later found out (in March) she had been hanging out a lot and sleeping over at a guys house next door (one of the guys she cheated with) while I was on winter break (after we got back together).

Everything is fine and dandy until a week after spring break in March she has a banquet for work where they get dressed up. I wanted to go but she didn't want me to. I was supposed to pick her up after, but they went to the bars instead. I told her I'd pick her up from the bars because she was supposed to sleep at mine after and she was wearing a dress and heals. She eventually says her phone dies and that her friend would drive her home to her house after. She lied and had actually gone to a coworker's apartment and has sex with him. I found out by looking through her phone while she was sleeping the next night (I know that was wrong but she has proven to be very untrustworthy).

We talk the next day and I try to get her to confess, like why she does not have the dress and shoes she wore that night at her house even though she said she wore them home, why she has another guy's pajamas, why she changed the plans multiple times. I do everything but tell her I know because I went through her phone. I eventually just tell her I know and she admits it. We break up again. We have another few drunken hookups but eventually both leave the school to go back home.

I thought a couple months ago I had moved on and stopped thinking about her, but the past couple weeks have been hard. I keep thinking about her, keep wanting to check in on her social media, keep wanting to tell my friends about this, but I'm ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I want to be in another relationship and be as close with her (during the good times) with someone, but I don't want to start over. I don't want to have to let someone in, tell them about my life and introduce them to my family. I don't want to do this whole searching thing and have to start all over. But I want to have someone I can hangout with while doing errands and cuddle with and all the other things that go along with relationships, including the emotional support of it. I feel like being in another relationship is the only thing that will help me completely move on.

Submitted December 17, 2019 at 12:17AM

tldr: Had a long ~1.5 yr long unhealthy relationship with 22F gf and she cheated on me 3 times (that I know of) that ended about 8 months ago. I thought I was over her, but I really am not sure. I think a relationship with someone new is the only thing that will help.First I'd like to say that I'm not really sure that I'm looking for help or just a place to vent and write this out because I've annoyed my close friends with this too much. I know that I'm over her but I really just want the relationship (good parts) we had back.We started dating at the beginning of the school year around October 2017. She was friends with a lot of my friends. When we started dating we were having a very physical relationship as well as connecting very well emotionally. Admittedly we both negatively affected each other's studies for the first couple months we were together but I quickly got my stuff together.Summer came and she stayed at the University to take summer classes while I went home to work an internship, but I visited at least two weekends each month and things were still great. We met each other's parents and were very close. She failed most of her summer classes due to some mental health problems she was facing and was suspended from the University in the fall. I did my best to help her with this, but on top of worrying about my studies, extra curricular and other social stuff, she was under the impression I was not helping her enough and was "never there for her when she needed".At this point I should have realized things were going very very poorly. Halloween rolls around and we had an argument. She leaves our group of friends to hangout with her friend staying with her from out of town. They both go to a guys apartment after the bars close and she cheats on me with the encouragement of her friend. We plan to talk the following Monday but I had things I needed to work on so we decide not to talk for a couple of days. She goes out drinking on a Wednesday and my friends run into her while shes hanging with a guy from work. She cheats on me that night as well.We officially break up the next day and exchange belongings back. She does not tell me about the cheating. That same day she goes to hangout with our friends (who are closer to me than her) and tries to hookup with one of them as well as tells them shes slept with multiple other guys already (before we broke up). Obviously they decline. My friend tells me about this so I go to her house the next day to talk and confront her. She denies everything until I tell her that I know because my friends told me she told them, to which she finally admits and cries her heart out, but does not apologize.We don't talk for a little over a month to which we drunkenly have a backslide and hookup. A couple weeks later she comes crying to me apologizing and begging to try again. Against all instincts and friends' advice, I concede. We date for another month and I later found out (in March) she had been hanging out a lot and sleeping over at a guys house next door (one of the guys she cheated with) while I was on winter break (after we got back together).Everything is fine and dandy until a week after spring break in March she has a banquet for work where they get dressed up. I wanted to go but she didn't want me to. I was supposed to pick her up after, but they went to the bars instead. I told her I'd pick her up from the bars because she was supposed to sleep at mine after and she was wearing a dress and heals. She eventually says her phone dies and that her friend would drive her home to her house after. She lied and had actually gone to a coworker's apartment and has sex with him. I found out by looking through her phone while she was sleeping the next night (I know that was wrong but she has proven to be very untrustworthy).We talk the next day and I try to get her to confess, like why she does not have the dress and shoes she wore that night at her house even though she said she wore them home, why she has another guy's pajamas, why she changed the plans multiple times. I do everything but tell her I know because I went through her phone. I eventually just tell her I know and she admits it. We break up again. We have another few drunken hookups but eventually both leave the school to go back home.I thought a couple months ago I had moved on and stopped thinking about her, but the past couple weeks have been hard. I keep thinking about her, keep wanting to check in on her social media, keep wanting to tell my friends about this, but I'm ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I want to be in another relationship and be as close with her (during the good times) with someone, but I don't want to start over. I don't want to have to let someone in, tell them about my life and introduce them to my family. I don't want to do this whole searching thing and have to start all over. But I want to have someone I can hangout with while doing errands and cuddle with and all the other things that go along with relationships, including the emotional support of it. I feel like being in another relationship is the only thing that will help me completely move on.