I [29M] fell in love with my gf[26F] duration and she will go to a dangerous country next year. I can't come to terms with this.

This past summer I met a great person and we fell in love very fast. She is interesting, intelligent, hilarious, and has a passion for life that I've never seen before. Her smile lights up a room and I get lost in her eyes.

Today she told me that she will go to a dangerous country with her family. She told me she wanted to go this Christmas which had me worried. To stay anonymous, I don't want to give details but this is a country where people actively run away from and migrate somewhere safer. A lawless land where if you don't join a gang, you'll likely be killed.

At the time I unconsciously pushed her away. I didn't stop talking to her or anything but when I did see her, I acted distant because her dying in this country is all I can think about. The conversations weren't dynamic anymore and I could barely muster up looking at her eyes knowing I may never see them again. A few days later we talked about it and I told her I realized I was essentially pre-mourning her death. She told me she could sense it and she never wanted me to feel that way so she canceled.

Her family is leaving for Christmas and she is all alone. I feel like a total piece of crap for being so selfish. Even though there were other factors that prevented her from going such as work and school, I could not help but feel responsible. My gf and her mom talked it out and my gf promised her she was going to go next Christmas.

I can't tell her not to go anymore because the pain she feels right now is too much and I don't want her to feel this way again. I want her to have an amazing Christmas but it doesn't change the fact that something may happen to her. I'm starting to mourn her again and I'm picturing a life without her. I keep thinking what I can do to be okay if something happens to her.

This time I cannot ask her to go but I cannot keep going without me feeling this way. Everyday for the next year I am going to fall in love with her more and more so the pain will be too much if she flies away but never comes back. I need help dealing with these emotions. Do I suppress them? Or just give them time to pass?

TL;DR; My gf is going to a dangerous country next year for two weeks. It is so dangerous that it would be likely something happened to her. I am starting to mourn her death and feel so much pain already. I need help dealing with these emotions and know how I can continue the relationship knowing this might happen next year.

Submitted December 17, 2019 at 12:24AM

This past summer I met a great person and we fell in love very fast. She is interesting, intelligent, hilarious, and has a passion for life that I've never seen before. Her smile lights up a room and I get lost in her eyes.Today she told me that she will go to a dangerous country with her family. She told me she wanted to go this Christmas which had me worried. To stay anonymous, I don't want to give details but this is a country where people actively run away from and migrate somewhere safer. A lawless land where if you don't join a gang, you'll likely be killed.At the time I unconsciously pushed her away. I didn't stop talking to her or anything but when I did see her, I acted distant because her dying in this country is all I can think about. The conversations weren't dynamic anymore and I could barely muster up looking at her eyes knowing I may never see them again. A few days later we talked about it and I told her I realized I was essentially pre-mourning her death. She told me she could sense it and she never wanted me to feel that way so she canceled.Her family is leaving for Christmas and she is all alone. I feel like a total piece of crap for being so selfish. Even though there were other factors that prevented her from going such as work and school, I could not help but feel responsible. My gf and her mom talked it out and my gf promised her she was going to go next Christmas.I can't tell her not to go anymore because the pain she feels right now is too much and I don't want her to feel this way again. I want her to have an amazing Christmas but it doesn't change the fact that something may happen to her. I'm starting to mourn her again and I'm picturing a life without her. I keep thinking what I can do to be okay if something happens to her.This time I cannot ask her to go but I cannot keep going without me feeling this way. Everyday for the next year I am going to fall in love with her more and more so the pain will be too much if she flies away but never comes back. I need help dealing with these emotions. Do I suppress them? Or just give them time to pass?TL;DR; My gf is going to a dangerous country next year for two weeks. It is so dangerous that it would be likely something happened to her. I am starting to mourn her death and feel so much pain already. I need help dealing with these emotions and know how I can continue the relationship knowing this might happen next year.