Would I (28 F) be wrong to date a guy (31m) my friend (30 f) already dated

Let me explain (for the record I am using fake names)

I have been best friends with LISA for 7 years. LISA is good friends with a girl named KATIE and KATIE is best friends with a girl named SAM.

In the past 6 months, the 4 is us (Sam, Lisa, Katie and I) have all hung out together a few times. Because of this I consider SAM to be a friend of mine- but we aren’t very close. We have only spent time together 1 on 1 once- about 3 months ago. Our main source of communication is through a group chat. Etc. but she is really sweet and funny and I do like her.

SAM is boy crazy. She would admit it. She was in a long relationship for 8+ years and they broke up about a year ago and she definitely enjoys the dating scene. She is constantly meeting new guys on dating apps. Going out with guys. Hooking up usually. But sometimes just dates and talking.

One guy that she met on a dating app is named BILL. I met BILL twice - once we met him and his friends to watch a football game and another time he came out for SAMS birthday. At her birthday she barely talked to him and him and I actually ended up talking a lot that night.

She did like BILL but she wasn’t serious about him because at the time she was- and still is- totally in love with another guy (who is pretty irrelevant in this story) names CRAIG. craig is constantly playing with her emotions. They are up and down. But SAM told BILL from the beginning she wasn’t serious about him because she had feelings for someone else- so they pretty much were just friends that hooked up twice. She was also dating multiple other people when she was seeing BILL. so at most they were casually dating.

Anyways- like I said before - at her birthday him and I actually ended up talking quite a bit and he was really nice. We had great convo. that was about 3 months ago.

Recently he wrote me on social media trying to see if I would like to hang out sometime. I reached out to SAM and asked if she was a BILL were still talking and she said NO- she has been dating other people and still trying to make it work with CRAIG. but when I mentioned he wrote me she got extremely offended and pretty much told him not to do that again. It bothered her.

Now here’s the thing- to me this is ridiculous. Today, with all the dating apps, it’s possible to date 10 people a day. It’s ridiculous to think someone has dibs on EVERYONE they have ever casually dated. I have legit introduced guys I’ve dated to my friends before when it didn’t work out. As long as 1. It didn’t end on bad terms (like him hurting her) and 2. There were not deep feelings involved (there weren’t) I honestly don’t see why this is so wrong. Shes not seriously interested in him and she never was.

Idk where to go from here. I realize it might just be easier not to complicate our friend group by dating him but I was talking to LISA last night about it and she was outraged with SAm For being offended and said that’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.

Sooo I basically just need advice. I understand guys come a dime a dozen but I truly truly enjoyed talking to him that night and I see a lot of potential in him for something more serious.

TL/DR. is there anything wrong with me dating a guy my friend used to casually date but was never serious with?



Submitted November 24, 2019 at 12:05AM

Let me explain (for the record I am using fake names)I have been best friends with LISA for 7 years. LISA is good friends with a girl named KATIE and KATIE is best friends with a girl named SAM.In the past 6 months, the 4 is us (Sam, Lisa, Katie and I) have all hung out together a few times. Because of this I consider SAM to be a friend of mine- but we aren’t very close. We have only spent time together 1 on 1 once- about 3 months ago. Our main source of communication is through a group chat. Etc. but she is really sweet and funny and I do like her.SAM is boy crazy. She would admit it. She was in a long relationship for 8+ years and they broke up about a year ago and she definitely enjoys the dating scene. She is constantly meeting new guys on dating apps. Going out with guys. Hooking up usually. But sometimes just dates and talking.One guy that she met on a dating app is named BILL. I met BILL twice - once we met him and his friends to watch a football game and another time he came out for SAMS birthday. At her birthday she barely talked to him and him and I actually ended up talking a lot that night.She did like BILL but she wasn’t serious about him because at the time she was- and still is- totally in love with another guy (who is pretty irrelevant in this story) names CRAIG. craig is constantly playing with her emotions. They are up and down. But SAM told BILL from the beginning she wasn’t serious about him because she had feelings for someone else- so they pretty much were just friends that hooked up twice. She was also dating multiple other people when she was seeing BILL. so at most they were casually dating.Anyways- like I said before - at her birthday him and I actually ended up talking quite a bit and he was really nice. We had great convo. that was about 3 months ago.Recently he wrote me on social media trying to see if I would like to hang out sometime. I reached out to SAM and asked if she was a BILL were still talking and she said NO- she has been dating other people and still trying to make it work with CRAIG. but when I mentioned he wrote me she got extremely offended and pretty much told him not to do that again. It bothered her.Now here’s the thing- to me this is ridiculous. Today, with all the dating apps, it’s possible to date 10 people a day. It’s ridiculous to think someone has dibs on EVERYONE they have ever casually dated. I have legit introduced guys I’ve dated to my friends before when it didn’t work out. As long as 1. It didn’t end on bad terms (like him hurting her) and 2. There were not deep feelings involved (there weren’t) I honestly don’t see why this is so wrong. Shes not seriously interested in him and she never was.Idk where to go from here. I realize it might just be easier not to complicate our friend group by dating him but I was talking to LISA last night about it and she was outraged with SAm For being offended and said that’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.Sooo I basically just need advice. I understand guys come a dime a dozen but I truly truly enjoyed talking to him that night and I see a lot of potential in him for something more serious.TL/DR. is there anything wrong with me dating a guy my friend used to casually date but was never serious with?
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