Life empty after Ex, struggling to forget.

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Hi all, not really sure if this is the right place to post or even what I wish to achieve from posting on here but I guess I need to get some stuff out and see if anyone else has ever felt the same.

I am a 32 year old man who some four years ago experienced a fairly cutting break up at Christmas time. Myself and my ex where together for some 3 years.

I could go into the particulars of why and how it ended but that would have to be a post in and of itself. Maybe I should. Needless to say, the split seemed a bit enforced from her end; I don't think she really wanted the relationship to end, but in the end felt she had no choice.

I will be man enough to admit here, the split crushed me. She was my first proper GF. I loved her very much. I adored her. Perhaps that explains a lot.

Life since she went away has been shit. Just total soul destroying shit. I have tried to break into a job and career and it totally failed. I have lost contact with my father (who disliked my Ex). Law enforcement was called on my by my own mother after a particularly bad row with my father. Mystery phantom pains in my body and excessive drinking for the best part of 3 years. Struggled to find places to live and work, no real interest in going out until the last 18 months had to leave the city I lived in because of fucked up memories had to leave my country to try find work around that time etc etc.

I tried counselling for a time around the break up but found it to be mostly useless.

I could go on frankly, lots more nasty shit has happened since. Over the last tens months I have tried to sort myself out; I have lost weight, tried to cut back on alcohol (which is hard) hope to return to University (to do a dip in Education to become a teacher here in Ireland) and even recently went on a date. But, it just feels not right without her. It's a genuinely hard feeling to explain and I can't shake it off. The date was a fun enough girl, but there was just nothing there from me. Online dating is much the same; I just have no interest. Women I meet at gigs is the same.

Basically, I worry greatly that I wont have the same connection I had with my Ex where is was just so effortless. I feel so alone and lost. All my friends have settled down and I should be too. But I'm not. I can't click with anyone. It just feels so empty and hollow. I honestly think at this stage I have emotionally just glazed over and become so hardened in myself. I miss my Ex so much, I think about her every day. Every single day something comes up that reminds me of her, it's like I can't escape it. She wasn't a perfect person by any means, neither am I. But it worked until of course it didn't. But not for reasons you may think.

Has anyone else here felt like this? does it ever go away? I'm trying my hardest to move forward with my life (which has NOT been easy) but sometimes I just don't know anymore.

Sorry about the ramble. This is a hard time of the year for me. Any advice would be appreciated.

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TL;DR Bad break up with an EX four years ago, struggling to forget her



Submitted November 25, 2019 at 10:53PM

​Hi all, not really sure if this is the right place to post or even what I wish to achieve from posting on here but I guess I need to get some stuff out and see if anyone else has ever felt the same.I am a 32 year old man who some four years ago experienced a fairly cutting break up at Christmas time. Myself and my ex where together for some 3 years.I could go into the particulars of why and how it ended but that would have to be a post in and of itself. Maybe I should. Needless to say, the split seemed a bit enforced from her end; I don't think she really wanted the relationship to end, but in the end felt she had no choice.I will be man enough to admit here, the split crushed me. She was my first proper GF. I loved her very much. I adored her. Perhaps that explains a lot.Life since she went away has been shit. Just total soul destroying shit. I have tried to break into a job and career and it totally failed. I have lost contact with my father (who disliked my Ex). Law enforcement was called on my by my own mother after a particularly bad row with my father. Mystery phantom pains in my body and excessive drinking for the best part of 3 years. Struggled to find places to live and work, no real interest in going out until the last 18 months had to leave the city I lived in because of fucked up memories had to leave my country to try find work around that time etc etc.I tried counselling for a time around the break up but found it to be mostly useless.I could go on frankly, lots more nasty shit has happened since. Over the last tens months I have tried to sort myself out; I have lost weight, tried to cut back on alcohol (which is hard) hope to return to University (to do a dip in Education to become a teacher here in Ireland) and even recently went on a date. But, it just feels not right without her. It's a genuinely hard feeling to explain and I can't shake it off. The date was a fun enough girl, but there was just nothing there from me. Online dating is much the same; I just have no interest. Women I meet at gigs is the same.Basically, I worry greatly that I wont have the same connection I had with my Ex where is was just so effortless. I feel so alone and lost. All my friends have settled down and I should be too. But I'm not. I can't click with anyone. It just feels so empty and hollow. I honestly think at this stage I have emotionally just glazed over and become so hardened in myself. I miss my Ex so much, I think about her every day. Every single day something comes up that reminds me of her, it's like I can't escape it. She wasn't a perfect person by any means, neither am I. But it worked until of course it didn't. But not for reasons you may think.Has anyone else here felt like this? does it ever go away? I'm trying my hardest to move forward with my life (which has NOT been easy) but sometimes I just don't know anymore.Sorry about the ramble. This is a hard time of the year for me. Any advice would be appreciated.​TL;DR Bad break up with an EX four years ago, struggling to forget her
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