How to get over a breakup where I (22F) was way more invested than him (25M)?

We were together for a year and a few months. In some ways, he seemed so invested in the relationship. He introduced me to his family and friends in his hometown after 2/3 months, we would have silly daydreams about what kind of dog we'd get, he told me he loved me all the time.

But there was also a moment when we were facing long distance and he told me that even though he loved me he wanted to break up, rather than it happening while we were apart. He was so hesitant about meeting my parents even though I'd met his months before. Or even after he decided to try the long distance, and we somehow survived it, we started arguing when the distance ended. I was willing to change and work on myself and the problems but he wasn't. So even though our breakup was mutual, I was always the one saying 'we don't have to do this if we try'. But he wouldn't, so we broke up.

In summary, I was always the one trying, not having emotional needs met. I felt like his therapist at times. He told me way too much about his ex (she cheated on him years before) and it made me insanely insecure, yet he told me that it "helped him" to talk about it.

He was emotionally so open at times (when it was going well) but would shut off as soon as there was a challenge. Maybe I love people intensely but if there's difficulty I communicate and work through it and fucking try. He never tried but he's convinced he did. I feel cheated, like I invested so much and he gave up on it so easily.

I saw him today, 2 months after the breakup, to try and resolve some things in my mind. And part of me can't believe I poured so much time and energy and love into this person who was incapable of fully loving me back. I feel stupid for not seeing it and stupid for not being the one to end it.

Any advice on moving on from this kind of relationship / breakup? Thank you in advance.

TL;DR: I tried, consistently, way more than my ex. We broke up even though I was willing to try and work through the problems, because he wasn't. Any advice on moving on?

Submitted November 26, 2019 at 12:00AM

We were together for a year and a few months. In some ways, he seemed so invested in the relationship. He introduced me to his family and friends in his hometown after 2/3 months, we would have silly daydreams about what kind of dog we'd get, he told me he loved me all the time.But there was also a moment when we were facing long distance and he told me that even though he loved me he wanted to break up, rather than it happening while we were apart. He was so hesitant about meeting my parents even though I'd met his months before. Or even after he decided to try the long distance, and we somehow survived it, we started arguing when the distance ended. I was willing to change and work on myself and the problems but he wasn't. So even though our breakup was mutual, I was always the one saying 'we don't have to do this if we try'. But he wouldn't, so we broke up.In summary, I was always the one trying, not having emotional needs met. I felt like his therapist at times. He told me way too much about his ex (she cheated on him years before) and it made me insanely insecure, yet he told me that it "helped him" to talk about it.He was emotionally so open at times (when it was going well) but would shut off as soon as there was a challenge. Maybe I love people intensely but if there's difficulty I communicate and work through it and fucking try. He never tried but he's convinced he did. I feel cheated, like I invested so much and he gave up on it so easily.I saw him today, 2 months after the breakup, to try and resolve some things in my mind. And part of me can't believe I poured so much time and energy and love into this person who was incapable of fully loving me back. I feel stupid for not seeing it and stupid for not being the one to end it.Any advice on moving on from this kind of relationship / breakup? Thank you in advance.TL;DR: I tried, consistently, way more than my ex. We broke up even though I was willing to try and work through the problems, because he wasn't. Any advice on moving on?