Am I (f, 28) entitled to refuse my husband (m, 30)’s mom (f, 58) to live with us?

My husband (30) and I (28) make pretty good money together (relevant later) and we have two kids (3 yo and 5 months old). We’ve been married for 4 years together for 7 years. My relationship with his mother (58) hasn’t been the best. She’s been very lazy (refusing to work) and live with his sister for free. Now her sister can’t take care of her anymore and asking us to let her live with us. For the record his mom is perfectly healthy.

My husband is asking me about it. He said she can help us with day care cost. I honestly don’t care if it helps with our expenses I just really cant live with her. She actually lived with us in the beginning of our marriage 4 years ago and it was a disaster. She has no respect for boundaries and privacy. The last string was I forgot to get her groceries cause I worked 12 hours (and work at the time was 1.5 hours away) and she slammed the door on my face. We fought almost every single day just because of his mom. I think our marriage worth much more than daycare cost. My husband actually understood and agreed with me at this point.

He tried to explain it to her then insisted that we HAVE to take care of her because she is his mom. He then started to sympathize with her again. Please note that he hasn’t relied on her financially or everything else since high school and I paid for his college tuition (he just graduated last year). I also added that my parents paid for our wedding, and also my parents have clear retirement plans because they work their butt off since they’re young. Something that can’t be said about his mom.

Now everything got super tense and I dont know what to do. I can’t let her stay with us cause I feel like our marriage is ending within seconds. What should I do?

Tl;dr my MIL is guilt tripping my husband to let her stay at our house. We don’t have good relationships but my husband wants her to stay in our house.



Submitted September 18, 2019 at 11:45PM

My husband (30) and I (28) make pretty good money together (relevant later) and we have two kids (3 yo and 5 months old). We’ve been married for 4 years together for 7 years. My relationship with his mother (58) hasn’t been the best. She’s been very lazy (refusing to work) and live with his sister for free. Now her sister can’t take care of her anymore and asking us to let her live with us. For the record his mom is perfectly healthy.My husband is asking me about it. He said she can help us with day care cost. I honestly don’t care if it helps with our expenses I just really cant live with her. She actually lived with us in the beginning of our marriage 4 years ago and it was a disaster. She has no respect for boundaries and privacy. The last string was I forgot to get her groceries cause I worked 12 hours (and work at the time was 1.5 hours away) and she slammed the door on my face. We fought almost every single day just because of his mom. I think our marriage worth much more than daycare cost. My husband actually understood and agreed with me at this point.He tried to explain it to her then insisted that we HAVE to take care of her because she is his mom. He then started to sympathize with her again. Please note that he hasn’t relied on her financially or everything else since high school and I paid for his college tuition (he just graduated last year). I also added that my parents paid for our wedding, and also my parents have clear retirement plans because they work their butt off since they’re young. Something that can’t be said about his mom.Now everything got super tense and I dont know what to do. I can’t let her stay with us cause I feel like our marriage is ending within seconds. What should I do?Tl;dr my MIL is guilt tripping my husband to let her stay at our house. We don’t have good relationships but my husband wants her to stay in our house.
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