Second class citizens

My (48F) bf (48M) has open invitation to my home and kids but I am not offered the same. We have been dating 3 years. For the last year he sleeps at my house except for when he has his kids. Those times he stays at his house. I am not given the open invitation to his house. I have been around his kids very little. He has been around mine quite often due to him staying here at night. When he is with his kids we have little contact. He may text but only calls when they are not around (18 &16). I answer his calls in the presence of my kids as I see no reason not to. If I am invited to a family gathering it is only when my daughter is not with me. She is 14 but his kids have not made her feel welcome in the past. They ignore her. He says it's just awkward for his kids and doesnt want them to feel uncomfortable. I feel like my home and bed is like a hotel room to him for free. He does not provide any financial support and nor would I ever ask him as I am self-supporting just giving perspective. Just recently after 3 years was I invited to his son's ball game. I was never invited because he thought his ex would make it uncomfortable for everyone as she very much dislikes me and openly states that to his kids. We fought for a long time about this. Then suddenly out of the blue I was allowed to go with no backlash from the ex. No idea what changed it's very odd. I have invited him to my daughter's games for over a year and he has either said no or found something important came up that would prevent him from going. He does fun things with his kids but we are never invited. Yet he stays at my house on nights he does not have his kids. I really feel hurt most of the time and when I tell him he says I just want too much and too fast. My daughter does not get the same level of courtesy his kids do. It makes me feel like I'm an option and being used. My daughter had to get used to him so why do his kids get a free pass? Narcissistic? Am I asking too much? I think geeze I don't ask for money only to ask for equal respect and to not feel left out. Thoughts?



Submitted June 30, 2019 at 11:19PM

My (48F) bf (48M) has open invitation to my home and kids but I am not offered the same. We have been dating 3 years. For the last year he sleeps at my house except for when he has his kids. Those times he stays at his house. I am not given the open invitation to his house. I have been around his kids very little. He has been around mine quite often due to him staying here at night. When he is with his kids we have little contact. He may text but only calls when they are not around (18 &16). I answer his calls in the presence of my kids as I see no reason not to. If I am invited to a family gathering it is only when my daughter is not with me. She is 14 but his kids have not made her feel welcome in the past. They ignore her. He says it's just awkward for his kids and doesnt want them to feel uncomfortable. I feel like my home and bed is like a hotel room to him for free. He does not provide any financial support and nor would I ever ask him as I am self-supporting just giving perspective. Just recently after 3 years was I invited to his son's ball game. I was never invited because he thought his ex would make it uncomfortable for everyone as she very much dislikes me and openly states that to his kids. We fought for a long time about this. Then suddenly out of the blue I was allowed to go with no backlash from the ex. No idea what changed it's very odd. I have invited him to my daughter's games for over a year and he has either said no or found something important came up that would prevent him from going. He does fun things with his kids but we are never invited. Yet he stays at my house on nights he does not have his kids. I really feel hurt most of the time and when I tell him he says I just want too much and too fast. My daughter does not get the same level of courtesy his kids do. It makes me feel like I'm an option and being used. My daughter had to get used to him so why do his kids get a free pass? Narcissistic? Am I asking too much? I think geeze I don't ask for money only to ask for equal respect and to not feel left out. Thoughts?
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