I have never dated. Is this, in general opinion, a deal breaker/red-flag/issue to a potential partner?

Long-time reader first-time poster. I have been thinking a lot over the last several months about the question posed in the title, so much so that I created this account earlier this morning just to make this post and see what other people thought. As the title suggests, I have never dated. Let me give you some background information as it may be helpful in discussion; I apologize in advance for the length. I am a male, just turned 28 years-old, and will be graduating from medical school next month. This has been a matter that is one part personal choice and another the result of circumstance: I didn’t date in high school because I valued my independence and recognized that I did not have the patience for high school relationship drama. I didn’t date while at university because college was my ticket to med school, which meant long hours of studying and volunteering. I also did not live on campus for two main reasons: 1) my scholarship covered everything except housing and, more importantly, 2) I only lived 10 miles away from campus. Suffice it to say I did not regularly meet people at campus events or parties. Also, my parents were never keen on me dating and were very vocal about their stance on dating and focusing on my career.

After college I travelled outside of the country for med school and did a lot of travelling back and forth in between semesters. Furthermore, trying to meet someone during your first 2 years of med school is extremely difficult (though perhaps not as much so if they happen to be a classmate) if not inadvisable. My clinical years (3 and 4) brought me back to the U.S. and while the commitment is not quite what it was in the basic medical sciences years, you still have to contend with unpredictable hours, patient loads, and shelf exams, not to mention the USMLE STEP 2 CS/CK. Fourth year is definitely the most relaxed, but again, I was travelling and had other commitments.

With all of that being said and graduation right around the corner I began to think more about relationships and have become much more open to getting “out there” and meeting people and starting a relationship or at the very least seeing where it goes if I do happen to meet someone and we hit it off. Now, the reality is that I will be starting my residency next year and interns (first-year residents) have the worst hours of all, how bad will of course vary depending on the specialty, but the rule still stands. Regardless, if I were to meet someone during that time (or in between now and then) I began to wonder how a potential partner might feel about the fact that I have never dated. Chalk it up to some insecurity on my part (and that may well be the case), but I could not push the thought from my mind. For the record, I am not socially awkward and have pretty great interpersonal skills. I just never took the time to see who was out there instead choosing to focus on myself and my career/rest of my life. To that point, this is not something that I am embarrassed by or regret; I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 7 years old and I have had tremendous experiences, learned new languages, become a better person, and realized that practicing medicine is what I was put on this earth to do. Still, I am curious to see what other people out think about this. What say you?

P.S. obviously I recognize that everyone will have their own preferences and feelings about the previous relationships a potential partner has had (or lack thereof). I made this post to get a general overview.

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TL;DR: I have never dated for the reasons listed above, but I have been growing more open to pursuing a long-term relationship. Is the fact that I have never dated a deal-breaker/red-flag/concern for a potential partner?

Submitted July 01, 2019 at 12:07AM

Long-time reader first-time poster. I have been thinking a lot over the last several months about the question posed in the title, so much so that I created this account earlier this morning just to make this post and see what other people thought. As the title suggests, I have never dated. Let me give you some background information as it may be helpful in discussion; I apologize in advance for the length. I am a male, just turned 28 years-old, and will be graduating from medical school next month. This has been a matter that is one part personal choice and another the result of circumstance: I didn’t date in high school because I valued my independence and recognized that I did not have the patience for high school relationship drama. I didn’t date while at university because college was my ticket to med school, which meant long hours of studying and volunteering. I also did not live on campus for two main reasons: 1) my scholarship covered everything except housing and, more importantly, 2) I only lived 10 miles away from campus. Suffice it to say I did not regularly meet people at campus events or parties. Also, my parents were never keen on me dating and were very vocal about their stance on dating and focusing on my career.After college I travelled outside of the country for med school and did a lot of travelling back and forth in between semesters. Furthermore, trying to meet someone during your first 2 years of med school is extremely difficult (though perhaps not as much so if they happen to be a classmate) if not inadvisable. My clinical years (3 and 4) brought me back to the U.S. and while the commitment is not quite what it was in the basic medical sciences years, you still have to contend with unpredictable hours, patient loads, and shelf exams, not to mention the USMLE STEP 2 CS/CK. Fourth year is definitely the most relaxed, but again, I was travelling and had other commitments.With all of that being said and graduation right around the corner I began to think more about relationships and have become much more open to getting “out there” and meeting people and starting a relationship or at the very least seeing where it goes if I do happen to meet someone and we hit it off. Now, the reality is that I will be starting my residency next year and interns (first-year residents) have the worst hours of all, how bad will of course vary depending on the specialty, but the rule still stands. Regardless, if I were to meet someone during that time (or in between now and then) I began to wonder how a potential partner might feel about the fact that I have never dated. Chalk it up to some insecurity on my part (and that may well be the case), but I could not push the thought from my mind. For the record, I am not socially awkward and have pretty great interpersonal skills. I just never took the time to see who was out there instead choosing to focus on myself and my career/rest of my life. To that point, this is not something that I am embarrassed by or regret; I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 7 years old and I have had tremendous experiences, learned new languages, become a better person, and realized that practicing medicine is what I was put on this earth to do. Still, I am curious to see what other people out think about this. What say you?P.S. obviously I recognize that everyone will have their own preferences and feelings about the previous relationships a potential partner has had (or lack thereof). I made this post to get a general overview.​TL;DR: I have never dated for the reasons listed above, but I have been growing more open to pursuing a long-term relationship. Is the fact that I have never dated a deal-breaker/red-flag/concern for a potential partner?