Depressed exbf (30/m) emailed me after I blocked him AND his friend messaged me begging me to give ex a second chance

I broke up with him due to his debilitating depression, anxiety, and irritability, which affected how he acted (or didn't act) in our relationship. The long distance made things infinitely more difficult. Even after breaking up, I still "stuck around" for a month, communicating with him (he always initiated, and I responded). It got too unhealthy, draining and painful, that I finally mustered up the courage to block him, after our final fight.

Two days, later, I receive emails from him -- walls of texts. The main theme was that he was sorry, that he didn't realize what he had until it was gone, that he'd change, and that he'd do anything to have me back.

However, some things in the email jumped out at me and I need objective, 3rd party opinions:

"My life is not worth living without you. Without you I am an empty shell slowly becoming a grumpy man who hates the world because the world didn't treat him right."

"I know you were the last chance I had of a happy life and I blew it. Deep down I knew I always I would fuck it up somehow, it was too good to be true."

"The guy you loved is still in me but he is drowning, I need to save him. I can feel him in the backseat of my brain most of the time, but he is too much of a coward to take the wheel. Instead the asshole is driving and his only concern is protecting himself by staying away from everyone. I don't want to stay away from everyone, especially not you. The asshole in me is afraid to get hurt and the guy you fell in love with is afraid of hurting you, which is all he ever did. For what it's worth you are and always will be my only love."

"Please give me one last chance to become that man again, I will do anything. I won't let my depression control me anymore"

"I have driven away the only thing in the world that really mattered to me outside of my family. By feeling sorry for myself and being a selfish jerk about it."

"I still love you more than anything in the world, you are absolutely perfect and I knew it from the start, but I fucking blew it because I can't even act like a normal person and get my shit together. I don't know when I stopped trying to win you over every day, but I miss it. Somewhere along the way I stopped trying, I stopped trying in life."

"Please give me one more chance to show my love for you and get back to life. I need to see you. I need to hold you. I need to cry in your arms so much. God I really wish I could cry in your arms right now."

"I am so sorry I didn't let you help me. I can't do this alone. I want our future, now I feel like I don't have one at all. 30 years I waited and I fucking blew it. Please tell me what to do."

Reading his emails, I felt a mix of emotions.. from sympathy, to wanting to trust him, to love, to distrust/fear of getting hurt by him once again, to distrust of his words being just words, fear of the vicious cycle continuing, a desire to help him, fear of him possibly ending his life... just so many emotions that I can't think straight.

When we are actually back together, he feels "smothered" by my love and care, and gets distant. I'm the one who's more "pursuing" when we're actually together. And when I'm pulling back, he's the one who gets incredibly anxious and starts saying things like this...

TLDR; Broke up with depressed ex because he didn't treat me right. When I do have a clean cut (blocking him), he gets extremely anxious and sends emails where he says his life isn't worth living without me. I can't see or think clearly. Need objective opinions. Please help; thank you.

UPDATE: his friend messaged me saying my ex wasn’t doing well at all, begging me to unblock my ex and give him one more chance to explain his feelings/love towards me. That my ex is in agony because he realize how badly he treated me and that he would prove he really wants to be with me

Submitted July 01, 2019 at 12:02AM

I broke up with him due to his debilitating depression, anxiety, and irritability, which affected how he acted (or didn't act) in our relationship. The long distance made things infinitely more difficult. Even after breaking up, I still "stuck around" for a month, communicating with him (he always initiated, and I responded). It got too unhealthy, draining and painful, that I finally mustered up the courage to block him, after our final fight.Two days, later, I receive emails from him -- walls of texts. The main theme was that he was sorry, that he didn't realize what he had until it was gone, that he'd change, and that he'd do anything to have me back.However, some things in the email jumped out at me and I need objective, 3rd party opinions:"My life is not worth living without you. Without you I am an empty shell slowly becoming a grumpy man who hates the world because the world didn't treat him right.""I know you were the last chance I had of a happy life and I blew it. Deep down I knew I always I would fuck it up somehow, it was too good to be true.""The guy you loved is still in me but he is drowning, I need to save him. I can feel him in the backseat of my brain most of the time, but he is too much of a coward to take the wheel. Instead the asshole is driving and his only concern is protecting himself by staying away from everyone. I don't want to stay away from everyone, especially not you. The asshole in me is afraid to get hurt and the guy you fell in love with is afraid of hurting you, which is all he ever did. For what it's worth you are and always will be my only love.""Please give me one last chance to become that man again, I will do anything. I won't let my depression control me anymore""I have driven away the only thing in the world that really mattered to me outside of my family. By feeling sorry for myself and being a selfish jerk about it.""I still love you more than anything in the world, you are absolutely perfect and I knew it from the start, but I fucking blew it because I can't even act like a normal person and get my shit together. I don't know when I stopped trying to win you over every day, but I miss it. Somewhere along the way I stopped trying, I stopped trying in life.""Please give me one more chance to show my love for you and get back to life. I need to see you. I need to hold you. I need to cry in your arms so much. God I really wish I could cry in your arms right now.""I am so sorry I didn't let you help me. I can't do this alone. I want our future, now I feel like I don't have one at all. 30 years I waited and I fucking blew it. Please tell me what to do."Reading his emails, I felt a mix of emotions.. from sympathy, to wanting to trust him, to love, to distrust/fear of getting hurt by him once again, to distrust of his words being just words, fear of the vicious cycle continuing, a desire to help him, fear of him possibly ending his life... just so many emotions that I can't think straight.When we are actually back together, he feels "smothered" by my love and care, and gets distant. I'm the one who's more "pursuing" when we're actually together. And when I'm pulling back, he's the one who gets incredibly anxious and starts saying things like this...TLDR; Broke up with depressed ex because he didn't treat me right. When I do have a clean cut (blocking him), he gets extremely anxious and sends emails where he says his life isn't worth living without me. I can't see or think clearly. Need objective opinions. Please help; thank you.UPDATE: his friend messaged me saying my ex wasn’t doing well at all, begging me to unblock my ex and give him one more chance to explain his feelings/love towards me. That my ex is in agony because he realize how badly he treated me and that he would prove he really wants to be with me