Our relationship still feels like long-distance, even though we now live in the same city.

To give some context, I (23F) met my boyfriend (24M) while I was living in New York and he was living in Utah. We started off long distance and kept it going for two long years until I quit Wall Street and accepted a new job back in Utah which is where I’m from originally.

Now that we are both living in the same city (happens to be less than a five minute drive apart!), it almost feels like we are still in a long distance relationship much of the time. He still prefers to talk on the phone rather than catch up in person most evenings. We still enjoy watching tv shows together, but he typically prefers to do so over the phone where he is in his house and I am in mine and then we just press play at the same time (super annoying at times!) - just like how it was when I was living in New York.

To add another annoying layer to this, he isn’t allowed to spend the night at my place due to his parents’ preferences (he still lives at home), and I am not allowed to spend the night at his place. So on the evenings that we do get to see each other in person, he still has to cut the time short to head home and get ready for bed. Which feels worse than how it was during long distance- because he could at least stay over at my apartment when he visited New York, or we would share an Airbnb whenever we travelled to a new city. Side note- It doesn’t seem to be an issue of his parents wanting him to avoid sex, as they must know the obvious with him having come out to NYC many times and staying with me (which they were okay with). I think it’s just that they don’t see the point in him staying over at another house if he has a house here already? Still don’t really understand the logic there. Anyways...

I am conflicted about the entire situation because even though we do see each other more often (a couple times a week for a few hours, versus every few months for 5-7 days at a time), it feels like he isn’t ready to fully commit to this new “in person” relationship. I’ve told him I would prefer more us time, but he insists that he needs a lot of alone time.

I fully recognize that going from long distance to a more normal in-person relationship is a very big change. However, I feel like I am currently getting a “cheap” version of what an in-person relationship actually should be.

Does this behavior seem normal or is it just me?

TL;DR My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for two years and are now in the same city, but we still don’t spend much time together based on his preferences. Is this normal?

Submitted June 23, 2019 at 11:44PM

To give some context, I (23F) met my boyfriend (24M) while I was living in New York and he was living in Utah. We started off long distance and kept it going for two long years until I quit Wall Street and accepted a new job back in Utah which is where I’m from originally.Now that we are both living in the same city (happens to be less than a five minute drive apart!), it almost feels like we are still in a long distance relationship much of the time. He still prefers to talk on the phone rather than catch up in person most evenings. We still enjoy watching tv shows together, but he typically prefers to do so over the phone where he is in his house and I am in mine and then we just press play at the same time (super annoying at times!) - just like how it was when I was living in New York.To add another annoying layer to this, he isn’t allowed to spend the night at my place due to his parents’ preferences (he still lives at home), and I am not allowed to spend the night at his place. So on the evenings that we do get to see each other in person, he still has to cut the time short to head home and get ready for bed. Which feels worse than how it was during long distance- because he could at least stay over at my apartment when he visited New York, or we would share an Airbnb whenever we travelled to a new city. Side note- It doesn’t seem to be an issue of his parents wanting him to avoid sex, as they must know the obvious with him having come out to NYC many times and staying with me (which they were okay with). I think it’s just that they don’t see the point in him staying over at another house if he has a house here already? Still don’t really understand the logic there. Anyways...I am conflicted about the entire situation because even though we do see each other more often (a couple times a week for a few hours, versus every few months for 5-7 days at a time), it feels like he isn’t ready to fully commit to this new “in person” relationship. I’ve told him I would prefer more us time, but he insists that he needs a lot of alone time.I fully recognize that going from long distance to a more normal in-person relationship is a very big change. However, I feel like I am currently getting a “cheap” version of what an in-person relationship actually should be.Does this behavior seem normal or is it just me?TL;DR My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for two years and are now in the same city, but we still don’t spend much time together based on his preferences. Is this normal?