Feeling hurt - am I wrong?

So - I've (38M) been dating this woman (35F) for a little over six months. Everything has been freaking awesome. To the extent that we are planning to move in together around September/October when my lease expires. She recently (planned because of work) moved about 2.5 hours away, and I'll be joining her over there when I can. In the meantime we spend every weekend together, with either her coming here or me going there. It's not ideal, obviously we'd rather be in the same area, but it's working and what we have feels really special, so we are more than willing to make it work.

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Over this past weekend we had a realization. In addition to planning to move into together we've also agreed that marriage is in our future, of course barring anything unexpectedly going south. Not at a set a date stage. Just a "we see exactly what we want in our partner with each-other and acknowledge that we want this to be forever" stage. At one point we were talking about family and a made a "when we get engaged" comment to which she looked at me funny and said "you know, I didn't think about it this way until right now...but...we are engaged, you realize that right? Engagement is intent to be married, we intend that. So, you have given me a ring and we have made any announcement, but we are engaged". I gave that some though and have been smiling and on cloud nine. She's right, and I couldn't be happier. We met on Tinder, so a true OLD success story. Yay, us! Yeah, yeah. I know, so no need to tell me. This is moving lightning fast. Six months isn't long enough to plan a wedding. But I'm not concerned. I know she's the right one. I also know that we are talking 2-3 years before a wedding happens, so plenty of time to keep confirming that I'm right.

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All of that is for background that this isn't in any way a deal breaking kind of hurt. I will move on past it and continue loving her deeply. But, my feelings are definitely significantly hurt in the moment. As I said above we spend our weekends together, that is just the way it is intended to be. This coming weekend she has a friend coming into town to visit her. One of her best friends, that she has known since grade school. We talked about it this weekend and made plans. I was coming out as usual and looking forward to meeting someone so important to her. I was even going to be her friends transportation to the airport for her return flight since she can't make it work due to flight times without taking time off work, and having just started a new job she doesn't want to do that. We also talked about how her and the friend would do some things just the two of them over the weekend. No worries, absolutely reasonable, expected, and understood.

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Then things got complicated. She talked to her friend this evening who expressed that she "really just wanted a girls weekend" and "isn't comfortable spending the weekend in the house with a man she's never met before". After this conversation, I've been dis-invited and asked to stay home this weekend. I told her I understand, which I don't. I told her I'm ok with it, which I'm realizing I'm not. I feel a bit disposable, certainly like my feelings came second. I'm not in her shoes, so I can't say for sure: but I feel like I'd tell my friend that I'm not excluding her if the situation was reversed. To be completely fair to her it wasn't exactly cut and dry. She talked to me about it for over an hour and was clearly torn, but the ultimate decision was that she was honoring her friends request and I was being asked not to be there this weekend.

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I also feel like I should be the supportive boyfriend and legitimately be ok and understand. I can't seem to do that genuinely though and I've caused myself a lot of grief in the past not expressing what I'm feeling and standing up for myself. So part of me doesn't want to just let this go, because that's just repeating a history that hasn't served me well.

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I'm probably not going to say a word, because I don't want to put her in a hard spot between me and her friend. But maybe if I at least get it off my chest and vent it will help. Thanks for listening.

Submitted April 17, 2019 at 06:18AM

So - I've (38M) been dating this woman (35F) for a little over six months. Everything has been freaking awesome. To the extent that we are planning to move in together around September/October when my lease expires. She recently (planned because of work) moved about 2.5 hours away, and I'll be joining her over there when I can. In the meantime we spend every weekend together, with either her coming here or me going there. It's not ideal, obviously we'd rather be in the same area, but it's working and what we have feels really special, so we are more than willing to make it work.​Over this past weekend we had a realization. In addition to planning to move into together we've also agreed that marriage is in our future, of course barring anything unexpectedly going south. Not at a set a date stage. Just a "we see exactly what we want in our partner with each-other and acknowledge that we want this to be forever" stage. At one point we were talking about family and a made a "when we get engaged" comment to which she looked at me funny and said "you know, I didn't think about it this way until right now...but...we are engaged, you realize that right? Engagement is intent to be married, we intend that. So, you have given me a ring and we have made any announcement, but we are engaged". I gave that some though and have been smiling and on cloud nine. She's right, and I couldn't be happier. We met on Tinder, so a true OLD success story. Yay, us! Yeah, yeah. I know, so no need to tell me. This is moving lightning fast. Six months isn't long enough to plan a wedding. But I'm not concerned. I know she's the right one. I also know that we are talking 2-3 years before a wedding happens, so plenty of time to keep confirming that I'm right.​All of that is for background that this isn't in any way a deal breaking kind of hurt. I will move on past it and continue loving her deeply. But, my feelings are definitely significantly hurt in the moment. As I said above we spend our weekends together, that is just the way it is intended to be. This coming weekend she has a friend coming into town to visit her. One of her best friends, that she has known since grade school. We talked about it this weekend and made plans. I was coming out as usual and looking forward to meeting someone so important to her. I was even going to be her friends transportation to the airport for her return flight since she can't make it work due to flight times without taking time off work, and having just started a new job she doesn't want to do that. We also talked about how her and the friend would do some things just the two of them over the weekend. No worries, absolutely reasonable, expected, and understood.​Then things got complicated. She talked to her friend this evening who expressed that she "really just wanted a girls weekend" and "isn't comfortable spending the weekend in the house with a man she's never met before". After this conversation, I've been dis-invited and asked to stay home this weekend. I told her I understand, which I don't. I told her I'm ok with it, which I'm realizing I'm not. I feel a bit disposable, certainly like my feelings came second. I'm not in her shoes, so I can't say for sure: but I feel like I'd tell my friend that I'm not excluding her if the situation was reversed. To be completely fair to her it wasn't exactly cut and dry. She talked to me about it for over an hour and was clearly torn, but the ultimate decision was that she was honoring her friends request and I was being asked not to be there this weekend.​I also feel like I should be the supportive boyfriend and legitimately be ok and understand. I can't seem to do that genuinely though and I've caused myself a lot of grief in the past not expressing what I'm feeling and standing up for myself. So part of me doesn't want to just let this go, because that's just repeating a history that hasn't served me well.​I'm probably not going to say a word, because I don't want to put her in a hard spot between me and her friend. But maybe if I at least get it off my chest and vent it will help. Thanks for listening.