Very confused with this person

So a little back story and I’ll try to keep it short:

Earlier in the month I(F23) reached out to someone(M27), someone I dated for 3 years in a pretty wonderful relationship but because of “wrong place, wrong time” sort of reasons near the end, I had to break it off, which was really hard.

And a couple months later we sort of had a thing for a few months, but it was really emotionally unhealthy for the both of us, he just wanted to be friends and really unsure what he wanted I think but I was really immature and pushing that I wanted to get back with him. Overall, regardless of anything I think the both of us just weren’t ready to date anyone yet and still healing from the first breakup. So, we decided it was best if we stopped talking just to give ourselves time to heal.

And it had been well over a year when I contacted him again for the first time, because I was in a much better place and I genuinely wanted to have him back in my life as a friend. It’s not often you find people who understand you and know you well and I thought losing that would be unfortunate.

And now, presently (I’m sorry this is kind of long):

So, in the month of October alone, we end up hanging out 6 times. After I messaged him for the first time, I was shocked he wanted to meet up and he suggested we hang out in two days. So I say yes.

The first time, we hang for 6 hours straight just talking about everything. It was a lot more comfortable and easier than I thought which was really nice. I genuinely came into meeting up with him the purest intentions, I only wanted to see if he wanted to be friends and I did not want to get back with him. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t miss him or that I didn’t care about him any more but I really had no intentions of wanting to get back together. It just felt good to hang out again.

And I didn’t want to push him to do things he didn’t want to do, since last time, our interactions were so much like that, I wanted to give him his space. And because I knew what he was like with his other friends, he just doesn’t hang out with people often, just because he likes his time alone, I didn’t push for us to hang out again or even suggest we had to. But somehow 3 days later, he invites me to go eat with him again, and I was a little surprised but I said yes (around that time I thought I was leaving in a month for school, so I felt like I needed to see my friends as much as possible before I left). It was really nice and comfortable again, still just a little awkward because we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but just a fun and light time. Then to my surprise again we hang out two days after that, had a nice time and he drove me home for the first time.

The next 3 times (hangout #4,5,6) we hang out once a week. And that’s where it starts to become confusing.

So, #4 he ends up picking me up from work so we can go eat, and drives me home, and I didn’t want to read too much into that because friends can drive each other home, right? So i ignore thinking too much into that, although that was the week I realize I still sort of love him. But still I was cool to be friends.

Then #5 he picks me up again, and we ordered take out and ate in his car. And although I’m not really sure what flirting is, whatever was happening didn’t seem like what normal friends would do. Just our attitude and behaviour wise was not friend-like, if that makes sense. And we were talking about some deep topics and some things that happened while we weren’t talking that he found embarrassing, but I thought it was kind of endearing haha. He essentially told me how he had times when it was hard and he wanted to reach out but decided not to. And I didn’t ask about any of this, so he just told me. He said he liked being open with me. But there were moments when I though ‘yup, he definitely only wants to be friends’. After that day I was beyond confused, because I swear he just wanted to be just friends. And I’m worrying that maybe he just trusted that I did just wanted to be friends enough that he felt comfortable to be that open around me. But because now that I know I still have feelings, I feel like I’m betraying his trust, and maybe I should stop all those weird flirty things from happening. Or maybe I just roll with it and see what happens???

Then #6 we ordered take out again and ate in his car. It was a lot less... whatever was happening in #5 lol, but also somehow made me even more confused. Because this time we had to share the food, and at times he’d feed me, but I just thought you can platonically feed your friends right? And there were other moments that were questionable and I would think “yeah this is what platonic friends would do” — but I don’t know if I’m trying to kid myself. There were also moments again that I felt was completely friend-zone type things — and I don’t know my god I’m just confused.

And this all feels like it’s happened so fast, I’m getting whiplash. I almost forgot to mention that we text nearly everyday, somethings are genuinely just friend type thing but others seem like how we used to text each other when we were together, which maybe just a habit thing so I try not to think to much about that either. and in the beginning I didn’t want to bother him much so he really started a lot of the conversations in the first 2 weeks. I really thought he’d want to take this being friends thing slow, because I didn’t even expect he’d want to be friends.

To be honest, I’d be happy if in the end this was just a misunderstand and he truly just wants to be friends. But at the same time if he did ask to get back together, I know I would say yes in a heartbeat.

TL;DR: met up with my ex after over a year. While I still have sort of feelings, I did genuinely want to be just friends and not push for anything. But we’ve hung out a lot in short amount of time, and I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. I know I should just talk with him like adults, but I just want some outsider opinions because I’m so confused.

Submitted October 30, 2020 at 11:31PM

So a little back story and I’ll try to keep it short:Earlier in the month I(F23) reached out to someone(M27), someone I dated for 3 years in a pretty wonderful relationship but because of “wrong place, wrong time” sort of reasons near the end, I had to break it off, which was really hard.And a couple months later we sort of had a thing for a few months, but it was really emotionally unhealthy for the both of us, he just wanted to be friends and really unsure what he wanted I think but I was really immature and pushing that I wanted to get back with him. Overall, regardless of anything I think the both of us just weren’t ready to date anyone yet and still healing from the first breakup. So, we decided it was best if we stopped talking just to give ourselves time to heal.And it had been well over a year when I contacted him again for the first time, because I was in a much better place and I genuinely wanted to have him back in my life as a friend. It’s not often you find people who understand you and know you well and I thought losing that would be unfortunate.And now, presently (I’m sorry this is kind of long):So, in the month of October alone, we end up hanging out 6 times. After I messaged him for the first time, I was shocked he wanted to meet up and he suggested we hang out in two days. So I say yes.The first time, we hang for 6 hours straight just talking about everything. It was a lot more comfortable and easier than I thought which was really nice. I genuinely came into meeting up with him the purest intentions, I only wanted to see if he wanted to be friends and I did not want to get back with him. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t miss him or that I didn’t care about him any more but I really had no intentions of wanting to get back together. It just felt good to hang out again.And I didn’t want to push him to do things he didn’t want to do, since last time, our interactions were so much like that, I wanted to give him his space. And because I knew what he was like with his other friends, he just doesn’t hang out with people often, just because he likes his time alone, I didn’t push for us to hang out again or even suggest we had to. But somehow 3 days later, he invites me to go eat with him again, and I was a little surprised but I said yes (around that time I thought I was leaving in a month for school, so I felt like I needed to see my friends as much as possible before I left). It was really nice and comfortable again, still just a little awkward because we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but just a fun and light time. Then to my surprise again we hang out two days after that, had a nice time and he drove me home for the first time.The next 3 times (hangout #4,5,6) we hang out once a week. And that’s where it starts to become confusing.So, #4 he ends up picking me up from work so we can go eat, and drives me home, and I didn’t want to read too much into that because friends can drive each other home, right? So i ignore thinking too much into that, although that was the week I realize I still sort of love him. But still I was cool to be friends.Then #5 he picks me up again, and we ordered take out and ate in his car. And although I’m not really sure what flirting is, whatever was happening didn’t seem like what normal friends would do. Just our attitude and behaviour wise was not friend-like, if that makes sense. And we were talking about some deep topics and some things that happened while we weren’t talking that he found embarrassing, but I thought it was kind of endearing haha. He essentially told me how he had times when it was hard and he wanted to reach out but decided not to. And I didn’t ask about any of this, so he just told me. He said he liked being open with me. But there were moments when I though ‘yup, he definitely only wants to be friends’. After that day I was beyond confused, because I swear he just wanted to be just friends. And I’m worrying that maybe he just trusted that I did just wanted to be friends enough that he felt comfortable to be that open around me. But because now that I know I still have feelings, I feel like I’m betraying his trust, and maybe I should stop all those weird flirty things from happening. Or maybe I just roll with it and see what happens???Then #6 we ordered take out again and ate in his car. It was a lot less... whatever was happening in #5 lol, but also somehow made me even more confused. Because this time we had to share the food, and at times he’d feed me, but I just thought you can platonically feed your friends right? And there were other moments that were questionable and I would think “yeah this is what platonic friends would do” — but I don’t know if I’m trying to kid myself. There were also moments again that I felt was completely friend-zone type things — and I don’t know my god I’m just confused.And this all feels like it’s happened so fast, I’m getting whiplash. I almost forgot to mention that we text nearly everyday, somethings are genuinely just friend type thing but others seem like how we used to text each other when we were together, which maybe just a habit thing so I try not to think to much about that either. and in the beginning I didn’t want to bother him much so he really started a lot of the conversations in the first 2 weeks. I really thought he’d want to take this being friends thing slow, because I didn’t even expect he’d want to be friends.To be honest, I’d be happy if in the end this was just a misunderstand and he truly just wants to be friends. But at the same time if he did ask to get back together, I know I would say yes in a heartbeat.TL;DR: met up with my ex after over a year. While I still have sort of feelings, I did genuinely want to be just friends and not push for anything. But we’ve hung out a lot in short amount of time, and I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. I know I should just talk with him like adults, but I just want some outsider opinions because I’m so confused.