Balancing filtering out the chaff vs open-mindedness on OLD?

Hi! 32F, and am doing the OLD thing for the first time in a while - last time I did it, it was in an unfocused manner - I didn’t know what I wanted/didn’t want much asides from finding “someone I like”. Now, I want that and more (marriage etc), and would like to be able to filter out unsuitable people - being more picky but more open-minded at the same time (for example, being open-minded about going beyond my usual type, which is artsy, intellectual and tall, but less accepting of people who aren’t ready for a relationship, give me bad vibes, making excuses for men etc), and I need some advice how to achieve that balance during the online portion:

• What to do with the taciturn men?

Those with not much in their profile / or those that send “hey, how are you?” messages. I am between: a) giving them the benefit of the doubt - perhaps some people aren’t as expressive as others and aren’t as “marketable” (sorry, threw up in my mouth a little using that word here) or b) take them at face value and assume that they really are uninteresting or perhaps not motivated enough to write something meaningful because they are not looking for something meaningful?

• On determining their relationship goals:

What about those that write “open to monogamy OR non-monogamy”? Can someone really value both equally? (Monogamous person here)

OKC specific: How much weight do you give to the answers of these 2 questions: a) Are you ready to settle down and get married right now?”, the answer options are “Absolutely”, “No way”, “Get married yes, settle down no”, and “Get married no, settle down yes” (is the last option the dreaded “I am not into labels” guy?) b) “How long do you want your next relationship to last?”, with answers “1 night”, “a few months to a year”, “several years”, “the rest of my life” (I have the last one checked, but maybe it sounds so dramatic, some people are hesitant to pick that one and go with the previous option?)

• Attractiveness

how lenient are you? I know some people really only shine in person/in concert with their personality, but does that mean swiping on people who you actually find unattractive? Or ones that you find ok/seem to have potential?

I am fortunate to live in a large city with many potential dating prospects and would like to be diligent while giving people a chance.

Any other tips welcome!

Submitted October 30, 2020 at 10:04PM

Hi! 32F, and am doing the OLD thing for the first time in a while - last time I did it, it was in an unfocused manner - I didn’t know what I wanted/didn’t want much asides from finding “someone I like”. Now, I want that and more (marriage etc), and would like to be able to filter out unsuitable people - being more picky but more open-minded at the same time (for example, being open-minded about going beyond my usual type, which is artsy, intellectual and tall, but less accepting of people who aren’t ready for a relationship, give me bad vibes, making excuses for men etc), and I need some advice how to achieve that balance during the online portion:What to do with the taciturn men?Those with not much in their profile / or those that send “hey, how are you?” messages. I am between: a) giving them the benefit of the doubt - perhaps some people aren’t as expressive as others and aren’t as “marketable” (sorry, threw up in my mouth a little using that word here) or b) take them at face value and assume that they really are uninteresting or perhaps not motivated enough to write something meaningful because they are not looking for something meaningful?On determining their relationship goals:What about those that write “open to monogamy OR non-monogamy”? Can someone really value both equally? (Monogamous person here)OKC specific: How much weight do you give to the answers of these 2 questions: a) Are you ready to settle down and get married right now?”, the answer options are “Absolutely”, “No way”, “Get married yes, settle down no”, and “Get married no, settle down yes” (is the last option the dreaded “I am not into labels” guy?) b) “How long do you want your next relationship to last?”, with answers “1 night”, “a few months to a year”, “several years”, “the rest of my life” (I have the last one checked, but maybe it sounds so dramatic, some people are hesitant to pick that one and go with the previous option?)Attractivenesshow lenient are you? I know some people really only shine in person/in concert with their personality, but does that mean swiping on people who you actually find unattractive? Or ones that you find ok/seem to have potential?I am fortunate to live in a large city with many potential dating prospects and would like to be diligent while giving people a chance.Any other tips welcome!