How do I be less clingy? (practical advice please)

So Im a little out of my comfort zone. Usually when Im talking to/dating someone in those initial few weeks/couple of months, I talk to them basically daily. I havent done -that- much dating though. Most of it has been long distance.

Well, Ive been talking to someone new, who is actually semi nearby. I know him pretty well as a person. He sometimes pulls away a little bit. I think him and his ex's talked mostly every few days.

Im pretty sure he likes me. I saw him last Friday, we talked for like 2 hrs on the phone Tuesday, we usually send a few msgs back and forth most days. But sometimes I hit a day (like today) where I just havent heard from him. We're friends on most social media and discord (we've been friends awhile first) and I know he's...around...just not initiating conversation? And I know if I said hi, he'd respond. But I want to make sure theres enough space that he also feels like initiating, etc.

I sort of end up playing this mental game with myself where I know he's not talking to another girl. Theres a small chance he may be really in his head about us or his long term ex he's finally really made progress moving on from. But mostly he's probably just...doing his own thing. NBD. And I know giving someone space makes them more likely (not less) to be interested in you, because you're ..independent. I logically know all of that and yet on the inside still feel bad/itchy(?)/uncomfortable and start to feel like maybe hes just -not- interested when we go a day not talking. (and for everyone who is super independent and think that sounds clingy, sorry! I know. I am trying to be better, hence asking for advice)

How do you get past this? Ive read some stuff online and its like 'get a hobby'. OK Im busy. Im in grad school. I study. I game online. I have other friends. I workout. But when I dont hear from someone it like becomes intrusive and I dont enjoy those things because Im too freaking anxious. And I know it goes away after a few months of dating! I was in a really, really long relationship and was totally fine not talking to my partner - we were just comfortable. But I am legit going to ruin this if I cant get to that spot pretty fast and I dont wanna just white knuckle a few months.

​

tl;dr me and the person Im talking to are comfortable with different levels of communication, i prefer communicating more, but I dont want to be smothering, its too early to have a 'talk' about it, and i need a way to get past it so this whole thing has a future



Submitted August 07, 2020 at 11:57PM

So Im a little out of my comfort zone. Usually when Im talking to/dating someone in those initial few weeks/couple of months, I talk to them basically daily. I havent done -that- much dating though. Most of it has been long distance.Well, Ive been talking to someone new, who is actually semi nearby. I know him pretty well as a person. He sometimes pulls away a little bit. I think him and his ex's talked mostly every few days.Im pretty sure he likes me. I saw him last Friday, we talked for like 2 hrs on the phone Tuesday, we usually send a few msgs back and forth most days. But sometimes I hit a day (like today) where I just havent heard from him. We're friends on most social media and discord (we've been friends awhile first) and I know he's...around...just not initiating conversation? And I know if I said hi, he'd respond. But I want to make sure theres enough space that he also feels like initiating, etc.I sort of end up playing this mental game with myself where I know he's not talking to another girl. Theres a small chance he may be really in his head about us or his long term ex he's finally really made progress moving on from. But mostly he's probably just...doing his own thing. NBD. And I know giving someone space makes them more likely (not less) to be interested in you, because you're ..independent. I logically know all of that and yet on the inside still feel bad/itchy(?)/uncomfortable and start to feel like maybe hes just -not- interested when we go a day not talking. (and for everyone who is super independent and think that sounds clingy, sorry! I know. I am trying to be better, hence asking for advice)How do you get past this? Ive read some stuff online and its like 'get a hobby'. OK Im busy. Im in grad school. I study. I game online. I have other friends. I workout. But when I dont hear from someone it like becomes intrusive and I dont enjoy those things because Im too freaking anxious. And I know it goes away after a few months of dating! I was in a really, really long relationship and was totally fine not talking to my partner - we were just comfortable. But I am legit going to ruin this if I cant get to that spot pretty fast and I dont wanna just white knuckle a few months.​tl;dr me and the person Im talking to are comfortable with different levels of communication, i prefer communicating more, but I dont want to be smothering, its too early to have a 'talk' about it, and i need a way to get past it so this whole thing has a future
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