Guy I’m newly dating got fired and seems relatively fine about it. Red flag or am I overreacting?

I (35F) have been dating a guy since right before pandemic. So still very new (less than 10 dates virtual or otherwise) but lots of instant connection and amazing conversation and we both indicated we feel something quite positive as we chat like old friends but there’s a great physical attraction too. I have t felt this way in a while and usually takes me a while to let people in due to past hurts.

I had high hopes. So he works in a line of business where it’s a basic salary but can be bonuses and commission / add ons incentives on top. Since the lockdown isn’t in his ace of work but does get paid the basic still.

However he decided to continue to work with a group of clients (for free) to give advice weekly during the lockdown. As (he said to me) it kept him busy and it helped the clients out whilst the physical business was shut. He told me last week his employer called him out fo the blue to grill him about why he was doing that and basically to say it’s not ok. He felt they were pretty harsh, as he wasn’t charging money and apparently genuinely he didn’t feel it was an issue. A small internal red flag was raised for me here but I thought give him benefit of the doubt.

His employer said they were going away to ‘think about it/discuss his actions and what it meant for him’ He said he thought they might let him go.

I felt wary as I had a terrible previous relationship with someone who couldn’t hold a job and I ended up covering our bills and getting taken for a massive ride. My ex had no drive ambition etc. But said all the right things to me to keep me sweet.

This new guy does have big ambition (it seems) and is studying for a new degree and to be a teacher etc. We had a virtual date yesterday and was great as always but no mention of job.

Then he text me about it today (only after I prompted asking what happened) and said they let him go! He seems fine and is happy to claim unemployment and slowly look for new role.

He is even helping the same clients this weekend! I feel really unsettled about this. Dating isn’t about money (I’m not looking for a rich guy etc) but he lives at home with an elderly parent right now due to pandemic and is in his late 30s. So for me that’s triggering my old stuff of my ex, but also why isn’t he concerned?

No income and at home studying and looking for work during a pandemic is alarming to me.

Am I overreacting guys?

Need some input please. It feels important to say I am not shallow and don’t care about fancy things or money etc, but I genuinely like this guy as a human and was so excited about things but I’m so wary about putting my heart on the line again for someone who doesn’t think this is a problem?! He offered to talk it through on the phone tonight (he could tell by my texts that I was a bit shocked and I told him I was shocked) and explain what happened but I honestly can’t face it after a long day working, so I put him off until tomorrow.

I was worried he’d want to talk me round. I don’t want to tar him with the same brush as my ex and potentially lose something good.

Am I deluded? I told him we could chat tomorrow and that I was sorry to hear about his job etc.

I value what people think on here so any thoughts on if this would be too big of a red flag to risk carry on dating? (virtually or otherwise)

Submitted May 07, 2020 at 12:04AM

I (35F) have been dating a guy since right before pandemic. So still very new (less than 10 dates virtual or otherwise) but lots of instant connection and amazing conversation and we both indicated we feel something quite positive as we chat like old friends but there’s a great physical attraction too. I have t felt this way in a while and usually takes me a while to let people in due to past hurts.I had high hopes. So he works in a line of business where it’s a basic salary but can be bonuses and commission / add ons incentives on top. Since the lockdown isn’t in his ace of work but does get paid the basic still.However he decided to continue to work with a group of clients (for free) to give advice weekly during the lockdown. As (he said to me) it kept him busy and it helped the clients out whilst the physical business was shut. He told me last week his employer called him out fo the blue to grill him about why he was doing that and basically to say it’s not ok. He felt they were pretty harsh, as he wasn’t charging money and apparently genuinely he didn’t feel it was an issue. A small internal red flag was raised for me here but I thought give him benefit of the doubt.His employer said they were going away to ‘think about it/discuss his actions and what it meant for him’ He said he thought they might let him go.I felt wary as I had a terrible previous relationship with someone who couldn’t hold a job and I ended up covering our bills and getting taken for a massive ride. My ex had no drive ambition etc. But said all the right things to me to keep me sweet.This new guy does have big ambition (it seems) and is studying for a new degree and to be a teacher etc. We had a virtual date yesterday and was great as always but no mention of job.Then he text me about it today (only after I prompted asking what happened) and said they let him go! He seems fine and is happy to claim unemployment and slowly look for new role.He is even helping the same clients this weekend! I feel really unsettled about this. Dating isn’t about money (I’m not looking for a rich guy etc) but he lives at home with an elderly parent right now due to pandemic and is in his late 30s. So for me that’s triggering my old stuff of my ex, but also why isn’t he concerned?No income and at home studying and looking for work during a pandemic is alarming to me.Am I overreacting guys?Need some input please. It feels important to say I am not shallow and don’t care about fancy things or money etc, but I genuinely like this guy as a human and was so excited about things but I’m so wary about putting my heart on the line again for someone who doesn’t think this is a problem?! He offered to talk it through on the phone tonight (he could tell by my texts that I was a bit shocked and I told him I was shocked) and explain what happened but I honestly can’t face it after a long day working, so I put him off until tomorrow.I was worried he’d want to talk me round. I don’t want to tar him with the same brush as my ex and potentially lose something good.Am I deluded? I told him we could chat tomorrow and that I was sorry to hear about his job etc.I value what people think on here so any thoughts on if this would be too big of a red flag to risk carry on dating? (virtually or otherwise)