Does this make me fake? Am I just feeling regret?

A few days ago I was just surfing through the Internet on my phone until I suddenly thought of an old crush of mine from six years ago. In hopes of reaching out to him and wanting to see how he was doing in life, I searched him up on google to try and find any of his social media. Instead, what came up was his obituary. I was shocked and saddened. I think I was in denial of it too at first because I just didn’t want to believe it. I started crying and couldn’t sleep properly that night. He died about 2 and 1/2 years ago and I didn’t even know. I wanted closure on this, so I of course did the mentally- healthy thing and talked to a close relative about it, and so did feel better when I did, but for some reason, I still haven’t been able to get this off of mine. Him and I weren’t close or anything, but we did have a few small talks here and there. He used to call me “Rue” because to him, I looked like the little girl from Hunger Games. Plus, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since 2014. I know I’m sad by him not being able to live his life to the fullest and continue on with it, but I just wasn’t expecting to keep thinking about him and his death this much. I do keep thinking about what I was doing the year he died, and how I was focused on other friends (who turned out to not be good friends after all) and things in my life. I wish that I had thought of him and tried to reach out then. It’s just a shame that he won’t be able to experience much more of life.

Submitted May 30, 2020 at 11:47PM

A few days ago I was just surfing through the Internet on my phone until I suddenly thought of an old crush of mine from six years ago. In hopes of reaching out to him and wanting to see how he was doing in life, I searched him up on google to try and find any of his social media. Instead, what came up was his obituary. I was shocked and saddened. I think I was in denial of it too at first because I just didn’t want to believe it. I started crying and couldn’t sleep properly that night. He died about 2 and 1/2 years ago and I didn’t even know. I wanted closure on this, so I of course did the mentally- healthy thing and talked to a close relative about it, and so did feel better when I did, but for some reason, I still haven’t been able to get this off of mine. Him and I weren’t close or anything, but we did have a few small talks here and there. He used to call me “Rue” because to him, I looked like the little girl from Hunger Games. Plus, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since 2014. I know I’m sad by him not being able to live his life to the fullest and continue on with it, but I just wasn’t expecting to keep thinking about him and his death this much. I do keep thinking about what I was doing the year he died, and how I was focused on other friends (who turned out to not be good friends after all) and things in my life. I wish that I had thought of him and tried to reach out then. It’s just a shame that he won’t be able to experience much more of life.