A former friend just contacted me. How should I go about this?

I worked with her a while back. We became good friends. There was an attraction and energy but it never went there. She moved away, got married and started a family but we kept in touch.

It started getting awkward for me because she never introduced me to her husband and I guess wanted to keep our friendship separate. But this always was in the back of my mind every time we talked so one day I brought it up. I forget how I started the convo but I remember she was annoyed by it and said something like I have another guy best friend too, and my husband knows I have ‘my friends’ and he’s ok with that. That wasn’t my issue though. And maybe this is my hang up or insecurity but I feel slighted that I’m kept separate. I was raised that when someone gets married, especially if its a man and woman friendship, things will change and I’ve told her that I would like to meet her husband (at least over the phone) and talk and get to know him...like hey man, I’m your wife’s friend. I mean if I were the husband I would want to at least meet my wife’s friends, especially if they’re men. I don’t think thats old fashioned or outdated? I also feel like I’m an emotional outlet for her and honestly feel used sometimes.

Anyway, that issue came to a head after about 2 or 3 conversations about it and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been maybe 1 or 2 years. I just got an email from her wanting to talk about everything going on in America (our convos were always about deep and insightful). I’m not sure how to respond. I would like to talk about where we left off and come to a resolution about it before we just jump back in like nothing happened. I just don’t feel comfortable with her not introducing me to her husband. If I can put it into words, I feel like her emotional side piece. What should I do?

TL;DR: Former friend contacted me after a long time of us not talking because of an issue. I’m not sure what I should do about the situation and looking for advice.



Submitted May 31, 2020 at 12:20AM

I worked with her a while back. We became good friends. There was an attraction and energy but it never went there. She moved away, got married and started a family but we kept in touch.It started getting awkward for me because she never introduced me to her husband and I guess wanted to keep our friendship separate. But this always was in the back of my mind every time we talked so one day I brought it up. I forget how I started the convo but I remember she was annoyed by it and said something like I have another guy best friend too, and my husband knows I have ‘my friends’ and he’s ok with that. That wasn’t my issue though. And maybe this is my hang up or insecurity but I feel slighted that I’m kept separate. I was raised that when someone gets married, especially if its a man and woman friendship, things will change and I’ve told her that I would like to meet her husband (at least over the phone) and talk and get to know him...like hey man, I’m your wife’s friend. I mean if I were the husband I would want to at least meet my wife’s friends, especially if they’re men. I don’t think thats old fashioned or outdated? I also feel like I’m an emotional outlet for her and honestly feel used sometimes.Anyway, that issue came to a head after about 2 or 3 conversations about it and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been maybe 1 or 2 years. I just got an email from her wanting to talk about everything going on in America (our convos were always about deep and insightful). I’m not sure how to respond. I would like to talk about where we left off and come to a resolution about it before we just jump back in like nothing happened. I just don’t feel comfortable with her not introducing me to her husband. If I can put it into words, I feel like her emotional side piece. What should I do?TL;DR: Former friend contacted me after a long time of us not talking because of an issue. I’m not sure what I should do about the situation and looking for advice.
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